What happened to your marriage after you stopped believing? (page 4)

dobbie

Mine was only in it because he was brought up in it and was scared of his family. Afters years of fading i was ready to split up if it came to it as i was getting constantly nauseous over leaving the religion and was going to leave it even if he wanted to split up as a result. Fortunately as his family got quite nasty with me and he saw our former friends shunning me and i have this everyday still, i am surrounded by jws lol, it gave him such a disgust that altho he hasn't left officially he has nthing to do with it or them. We are a much happier couple for being out together.

Scarred for life

Do not marry a JW. It will be a disaster. Sometimes it's better to have loved and lost. Don't put yourself through the hell.

Bonnie_Clyde

Things got better in our marriage--I was the second to leave. Unfortunately, Clyde went through hell because he started his fade years earlier. I believe we would be divorced now if I was still a JW. However, it wasn't to appease him that I started investigating, but it sure did make it easier. I don't think I realized how much the "truth" was hurting our marriage until I left the "truth." For many years I thought the problem was HIM.

sacdfan

Going back to the original poster, I would tell your friend NEVER to get involved with a JW, or someone who is intent on becoming a JW. JWs should only ever marry fellow JWs - mixed marriages DO NOT WORK. You may hear about some couples who can stay together with one in and one out, but it still puts tremendous strain on the marriage. Think about it. For the non-JW, they can't really have their 'worldly' friends over and they aren't really welcome at the homes of their JW partner's friends - that's assuming they even get an invite. I don't. My husband gets invited to JW get-togethers but, even though I am not disfellowshipped or disassociated, I rarely get an invite - how rude is that?

Then there are 'worldly' celebrations - I may get to the stage where I want to put a Xmas tree up, celebrate my birthday, go to a friend's birthday party - but I can't.

And if children come on the scene, you are well and truly up the creek!

It's sooooooo difficult being married to a devoted JW - and even if you really love them, you can't share important things. Being a JW is so demanding - it takes up all his time so my husband has very little time left for me- I come second after the organisation and I hate it.

jaguarbass

I figured out how to escape the tower in 83. My wife continued to go to meetings

envying me and she figured out how to escape in 95.

We have been married 38 years.

Just say no.

Just get off the ride if it makes you sick.

I know its not that simple. But it is that simple.

sacdfan

jaguarbass - you say your wife envied you when you left the WTS. What if she didn't envy you? What if she pitied you? What if she put pressure on you every day to 'come back to Jehovah'? What if every week she asked 'Are you coming to the meetings or what?' and this pressure went on day in, day out, year in, year out. What if she was totally and absolutely convinced she had 'the truth' and you were going to die at the big A if she didn't 'win you back'?What if she never left, not ever?

If one half of the marriage leaves the WTS and the other one limps along reluctantly, wishing they could leave too, that's fine and they may eventually come out. If one half leaves the WTS but the other half is utterly brainwashed - so brainwashed that they eat, sleep, live and breathe WT teachings, it is very difficult for the one on the outside, especially if most of their friends are JWs. If you can see someone you love being manipulated and used by a mind-controlling organisation, it isn't easy to leave them. But it isn't easy to stay either - it's a sort of horrible, foggy limbo.

Never get involved with a JW unless you are willing to become a totally commited JW too - that's my advice to anyone contemplating marriage to a JW if they want to stay sane!

bythesea

Sacdfan: I can really relate to your social situation. Same story here, and hubby is such a social animal that he complains more about not having "the friends" over more than any other aspect of us not being on the same page anymore! I've told him I'd be glad to cook up a meal and have people over but he doesn't invite them, probably because he knows they won't feel comfortable coming and they'd not have anything to talk about with me! I have had a non-jw couple over for dinner and he enjoyed himself, so he's not hardcore about associating with "worldly" people.

Our lives have had some serious ups and downs since I've been fading. He's pretty much quit asking if I'm going to a meeting with him or not which has made meeting nights less stressful. We're supposed to have a sit-down talk soon between us so he can learn just where I'm at about all of this now. I became inactive 4 yrs ago, and to keep a peaceful household we've had a truce and just mostly don't talk about any of it, but he's wanting that to change....yet he won't agree to hear anything that may come from apostate sites, anything critical.

I was a JW for several yrs before he became one....he followed me in, maybe he'll follow me out. Here's hoping!! We do love one another, he does have respect for me, he's just deeply entrenched still. sigh.

choosing life

It went through the usual turmoil when I no longer attended. I made mistakes and so did my husband. I learned to try not to hurt his feelings and he learned to consider my new feelings too.

Things are good now and we love each other more than any silly religion. We have been married many years and I think that helps. The most important thing to get across when you leave is that you just DON"T BELIEVE IT ANYMORE. After that was established, things went much smoother.

No one should go into a marriage with secrets kept from one another. If one party does not believe in the jw religion, this should be made clear well before considering marriage. Once you are married, you may involve children in this dilemma and that just would not be fair.

Honesty is crucial to any relationship.

TardNFeatheredJW

My wife started slutting about and I finally divorced her when I couldn't take it any longer. Apparently, she was slutting about prior to marriage, but I didn't realize it. Oh well, she would have slutted about JW or not. lol.

My 2nd wife is non-jw, doesn't like jw, and has been thoroughly disgusted by their unchristian behavior in various dealings (family dealings for the most part with my immediate family who basically shun me).

So, if you have 2 people who truly care about each other, it can survive leaving the witnesses (I know of several), otherwise if one or both are self centered twits, it wont work, but it wont work as dubs either, it may just take longer to fall apart. My opinion only.

Gordy

I had depression, Elders told wife to get me out of home, because I was a "spiritual danger" to family.

Four years on in 2001, after learning the truth about the Watchtower, I disassociated.

My wife and two daughters have not had contact with me since then.

One daughter got married last year , I was not invited to the wedding.

A son and another daughter also DA'd at same time.

Neither of them have contact with their mother or sisters either.

What happened to your marriage after you stopped believing?

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