Did You Feel "Abused" By The Elders? (page 3)

mrsjones5

"My estranged Jamaican hubby is a small man. "

It's not the size of the boat that matters but the motion of the ocean

Lady Lee

In the literature on sexual abuse and rape there is something called "secondary" abuse or rape.I don;t remember talking to the elder about the sexual abuse when I was a kid.

But when I was married, I committed adultery so I could leave my husband and he would be free to marry and leave me alone. Even after we were separated he thought he had a right to conjugal visits. I had to talk to the elders then and describe in detail what happened during this one-time adultery experience. The problem for me wasn't just telling them. I was with this person 1 time. We had intercourse three times. But the third time I was crying and begging him to stop because he was hurting me. But he didn't stop. He continued and he raped me.

I had to tell this to the elders who totally didn't believe me. I was there. I was in his apartment. I had already had sex with him so therefore there was no rape. THAT was my secondary rape. Having to tell them in all the gory details and then not be believed.

And then my ex was an elder and sex with him always left me bleeding, sore and feeling used. It wasn't until I started counseling for the childhood sexual abuse that I realized I was being sexually abused in my marriage. I still didn't have a word for it until a couple of years after the divorce and I came across the term "marital rape". And after I read that I knew that for 15 years of marriage that is what I experienced. All sanctioned by the WTS that said women had an obligation to provide the "marital due".

So did I ever feel "abused" by the elders?

Absolutely. By the WTS too

minimus

Lee, on the 3rd time, did you feel like you were being "raped", at that moment ? Or did it occur to you afterward?

snowbird


"My estranged Jamaican hubby is a small man. " It's not the size of the boat that matters but the motion of the ocean

"My estranged Jamaican hubby is a small man. "

It's not the size of the boat that matters but the motion of the ocean

....................................................................................................

LOL.

Times past, I would have disapproved thoroughly of conversations like this.

How I have changed!

Minimus, "on the Ministry" means in the field ministry or service.

I know you know that!

Sylvia

Lady Lee

At the time I believed that men had a right to sex and women had an obligation to provide - that is what years of sexual abuse will do to you.

Later when I got home I climbed into the bath and started scrubbing and remember putting a cloth to my face and just sobbing. Two days later I was at the doctor's office because he gave me an infection. I remember the flash of a look on my doctor's face. I was pretty torn up but he said nothing. His face said "Oh my god". After the tub and the look I realized it had been bad. But the impact of that and putting a word to it wasn't there yet. That too took some reading about what rape victims go through before I was able to put the "rape" label on it. I didn't tell my husband or anyone about this for six months. But by then I knew I had been raped. I had done all the classic things rape victims do afterwards. I just didn't have a name for it yet.

minimus

Would you recommend to a woman, if she went through this type of thing now, after 6 months had gone by, to go after a man legally, for rape?

palmtree67

I remember something interesting about the scripture where Jesus described the people as "skinned and thrown about"....I think it was Vine's expository that said the original language words meant ".........harrassed and annoyed."

Yes, I felt harrassed and annoyed by them on many occassions.

Lady Lee

I came back to say

At the time the courts were just beginning to say that during a sexual experience that as soon as a woman says "stop" and is not listened to it becomes rape. Counselors, therapists, police and the courts now recognize this as rape. It doesn't matter if the woman agreed at the beginning. All that matters is that she says no at some point and it doesn't stop.

As to your question. That is difficult. After 6 months there is no longer any evidence to support her claim unless she did talk to someone or see a doctor. If there was some kind of physical evidence then sure. Without it I suspect the police won't take this too far.

Lady Lee

I would also recommend she talk to a rape crisis counselor - telephone numbers in the front of most telephone books. Counseling would have to come before any police contact

Leprechaun

Yes. The elders are the biggest problem with the Witnesses, other than the Governing Body it’s self. I never cease being amazed at how stupid the Witnesses are concerning the bullshit they so readily gobble up and accept as though it is coming right from Jehovah’s own mouth. They might as well be Catholics then they all can bow down to the Pope of Rome, what really is the difference. Freeks

Did You Feel "Abused" By The Elders?

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