Anger, hate, suffering

by sd-7 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  dig692

  Hi Christopher, its nice to meet you. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Now that I know the truth about the "truth" I find myself being angry sometimes too. I'm angry at them for tricking me, and I'm more angry at myself for letting them trick me. And I'm angry at the situation that I'm stuck in right now.

  But you can't let that take over your life. I know it must be hard with your wife being so into the cult and you feeling so under-appreciated and valueless but you're not valueless at all. The first thing you have to do is love yourself. It's not enough to just accept yourself, although that is a good place to start. It's ok to be angry and hurt, but it's not ok to feel like that all the time. Life has meaning, but YOU have to make it have meaning. Maybe pick up a new hobby, meet some new people, take some classes at a local college, etc. Don't let the anger and feelings of no self worth run your life. Don't let anyone dictate what your life is or what it will be in the future. It's YOUR life whether you think it just came out of nowhere or God gave it to you. It's YOURS to make it whatever you want it to be.

  And for what its worth, I like who you are. I have enjoyed getting to know you from your posts and I guarantee many people on this site feel the same way. I hope that you can accept that you are a great person, even for just being strong enough to break free of the cult. You have freed your mind and heart from that eslavement and that makes you a hero in my book.

  Hang in there
• 

  nancy drew

  Christopher I was very affected by what you said and it seems to me that you have ripped your heart open and put it out there very courageous. Life is often not clear especially for what I think is a small segment of the population that asks why am I asking these questions. I really understand that because I do it to I was born that way I keep trying to make sense of things and it can make you crazy since it doesn't seem like most people are doing it. My mother is not a witness she's catholic and all my life I never related to her very well She said to me one don't tell me those things I don't want to know I'm happy the way I am and oddly enough she seems happy in her ignorance. So don't feel alone It's a lonely road but your not the only one on it. Some of us just have to open that door were like moths to a flame others will not appreciate this quality and life can be difficult but not unliveable.
• 

  BabaYaga

  Hi, Christopher. You are in the right place, in that most of us on this forum have been in the place you are now. We feel you.

  You will be happy to know that the Anger is just a stage. It can be a good thing... it is a natural progression of healing in your recovery from a loss.

  From Wiki:

  The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as the five stages of grief

  Stages

  1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
     Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death. [1]
  2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
     Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy. [1]
  3. Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
     The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..." [1]
  4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
     During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. [1]
  5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
     This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle. [1]

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  I do want to leave you with another quote, however: "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

  (Origin of quote unknown. Malachy McCourt said it in an interview, but earlier sources quote an unknown Alcoholics Anonymous meeting member.)

  Christopher, be good to yourself. Be patient and kind. Allow yourself to feel the anger and sadness for a while, but don't let it become you.

  You will emerge from this victorious and wise.

  Love and strength to you,
  Baba.
• 

  Casper

  You express yourself beautifully...

  Just wanted to add along, with everyone else, my hopes that everything works out for you.

  We all do care...

  Hugs,

  Cas
• 

  Chalam

  Hello Christopher,

  I say you are finding your identity, not losing it- you can already use you own name now!

  Sure, no pain, no gain but I only see gain in your future :)

  Every blessing in Christ,

  Stephen
• 

  jamiebowers

  Christopher, dear heart, you've come so far, so fast. You now understand the concept of learned helplessness, and that's the start of overcoming it. You've also developed a sense of self instead of staying in the cult identity. Next you must learn to accept that we don't have all the answers about this life or whether there is a next and that it's okay.

  With further development outside of the cult experience, you'll be able to be honest with your wife. And that honesty will either drive you apart or solidify your marriage with happy compromise. I know you're sad and angry, but it does get better. And the hatred will dissolve to almost nothing once you're free of the cult confines. Life always seems to take over.

  I hope you will continue therapy and building familial and social networks outside of the organiation. I KNOW you, dear heart, and you're so worthy of happiness.
• 

  sd-7

  Thanks so much, everyone. See my newest post, "Borg cubes will arrive in approximately 20 hours", for a continuation of my thoughts.

  I do feel a sense of finality approaching. I never wanted it to be this way. I didn't ask questions to find out that I was wrong about my beliefs; I asked because it became clear that there were more answers than the ones I was getting. That...the attitudes and inclinations taught by this religion were out of place, unbalanced. ...

  Perhaps it is true that I should go ahead and take back my life. But I'm still there, on the edge. Mount Olympus has placed itself on my doorstep and imposed its will, and I have to choose either to accept that, or go up there and throw them down, remove said mountain and its self-proclaimed occupants.

  Well, I'll keep you posted.

  --Christopher