i knew a girl who got married at 19 despite objections from the elders , they got disfellowshipped and reinstated after 18 months , he chose her clothes and would not allow her any money , he insisted on doing the food shopping with her , he hit her if tea was not on the table when he returned from work , he broke her nose once when she was holding her 2 year old child , when she approached the elders , onesaid to her "what are you complaining about ,he hasnt broke every bone in your body , there are sisters who put up with much worse ! if a jw man is not supposed to be violent why would they not give him a telling off ?
who knew a wife who was in a domestic violence situation while a jw
by looloo 19 Replies latest jw friends
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Emma
My sister. Her first husband (a "brother") not only hit her but would push her out of the car late at night even in bad neighborhoods. She'd call my parents to come and get her then he'd call the next morning demanding she submissively come back. He'd pull in front of the house, beep the horn, and she'd go back. She didn't have any of her own money, had to give him the grocery receipt and change when she shopped. He gave orders for dinner, would change his mind at the drop of a hat and she had to fix something else. If he wanted pie in the evening, she'd have to make one. It was insane. The elders finally gave her permission to leave because her life was in danger. He finally admitted fornication and was disfellowshiped. I can't believe my parents could let her go back to him.
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Lady Lee
why would they not give him a telling off
Because it is an old-boys club. They believe the victim "asks" for it. She should be in subjection to her husband. And he wouldn't hit her if she had done what she was supposed to do - obey all commands regardless of how abusive he was. "Talking" to him would only add credence to the possibility that he was in the wrong and lord knows they don't want abused JW wives running to the police about the abuse
one more secret to hide under that rug
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truthseekeriam
My mom was abused horribly by my father. I don't remember any of my young childhood or any time growing up with my dad and I was 7 or 8 when they divorced. I heard there was some good times as well. kinda sad, I don't remember those but I'm glad I don't remember the bad times. My older siblings said I would just sleep through it. Funny, but to this day when I'm overwhelmed I get real sleepy and nod off at times.
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highdose
yes i knew of a sister who was beaten every day by her husband. the elders wanted to protect the husband because he was the more valueble to the congo. So they told her to be more submissive, be a better wife etc. When she ran away with their children because the children were getting traumatised at seeing mummy beaten up every night, she was demonised by her congo, and the husband seen as the vitim.
In fact it was only her worldly family that stood by her and helped out... Brotherly love indeed(!)
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Gregor
JW's are very much mysoginistic. They are a Taliban kind of org. right out of the old testament. As an elder I was aware of more than one abusive relationship and not all the situations involved physical abuse, mostly it was emotional dominance that dovetailed very well with the WT male culture. The poor women were terribly trapped. I remember in particular a couple of weasels husbands whose skinny asses I would still like to kick 30 yrs later..
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dissed
Usually, its the Elders telling the emotionally spent wife, "Are you sure you can't endure the treatment? Sisters with unbelieving husbands deal with terrible, even worse conditions, and they survive just fine."
When in, I hardly noticed spousal abuse of a physical kind, but there was plenty of the emotional kind, and the JW's were overflowing with tyrants.
My Br-in-law did the clothes shopping for his wife. She couldn't buy a knick nak for the house without his permission. He was so controling, that just before sex, he would stop and pray allowed that they keep it 'moral'. Speaking of a kiljoy.
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VoidEater
Aside from the emotional abuse and emoptional/financial control of many:
My grandmother's second husband (first one died) raped her at knifepoint on occasion. Same guy tried to rape my cousin.
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Magwitch
Dissed......"He was so controling, that just before sex, he would stop and pray allowed that they keep it 'moral'. Speaking of a kiljoy"
What a condescending ass. This was probably what he considered foreplay for his wife.
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snowbird
I don't know about violence, but I knew a wife who had to ask her husband which size eggs to buy!
He was just that controlling.
No lie.
Sylvia