who knew a wife who was in a domestic violence situation while a jw (page 2)

blondie

I know 2 jw husbands who threatened their wives with guns, in one case it was only that the gun jammed that he did not kill her. Yes, the elders suggested she stay with him. We said otherwise and she listened to us and her daughter.

jdhf

These are tragic stories...I too had a good friend in Northern Ireland who was violently abused by her husband....i begged her to leave him. She had 2 small girls and they were friends with my 2. I moved abroad and when I got back I was told she had moved back to England. I was so happy for her. The elders in her cong. up the north were totally unhelpful. this bro was so popular I don't think they really believed her. I was so disgusted, having been and still being in a divided home...and going through emotional abuse, i just hated how they treated her. I thought they would have wanted to kill this brother as he was an active JW, but this opened my eyes to their behaviour and started to sow seeds of doubt. Jesus nor Jehovah would tolerate for a second such treatment of the weaker vessel.

HappyGuy

My sister. She left the JWs for a while, got married to a Navy officer and later on came back to the JWs. The Navy officer started studying. One day my sister (we are very close) had obviously broken bones in her face and nose. I asked her what happened, she did not want to tell me, but I can be persuasive. I immediately went to the PO house and told him what happened and that they had to have a JC to deal with this person. My sister's husband was close to being baptized, he had gone over the questions and was to be baptised at the next assembly. The elders did NOTHING.

I went to see my brother in law and told him in no uncertain temrs that if my sister ever had a hair out of place again he was a dead man.

Then HE reported ME to the elders and they came around trying to talk shit to ME. I told them to go fuck off and mind their own busines.

jamiebowers

I was physically abused and psychologically terrorized for most of an almost seven year marriage by my jw husband. Elders from both of the congregations that we attended were fully aware of what was going on, but their answer was always, "Be a better wife, and wait on Jehovah". It wasn't until one of my "worldly" co-workers overheard him threatening to kill me and then himself when I got home from work that dy, that the real authorities got involved. On the advice of his psychiatrist, he was forcibly committed to a mental hospital.

I filed for divorce and was promptly threatened with df'ing for refusing to remain in the marriage or stalk the man who was threatening to kill me in order to prove adultery on his part. Later the df'ing deed was done by my false confession of adultery to my mother. Yes, cults really do shoot their wounded, and the Watchtowr cult in particular wil use family members as the trigger man.

KnowlegeSeeker_UK

My siblings and I were beaten quite badly. I guess when you grow up with it you dont realise or know how bad it is. Still dont. The most emotive thing I saw was my ministeral servant father hold my brother up the wall by his neck. When this all came out one day, the elders said it was bizzare we had never thought to mention it, one even stated he worked regularly in the ministry with one of my siblings and they hadnt said a word. This btw was following around 20 yrs of violence and it finally coming out.

Alcohol was an issue too. We were sat down as the children and before the body of elders asked very judgmentally if we were mistaking punishment and child rearing for abuse. The meeting ended with them removing our privlages and telling us we could not answer up concerning family issues, specifically being good children. I had been a pioneer and a bethelite. This was devestating to me. We were instructed to go that night to our parents house and make peace. (Interestingly this all came out after one of my parents was violent to my sibling and it had got out of hand and elders were called. My siblings and I took a stand against both parents.)

The congregation knew there were problems. The next thing they see is siblings, worn out and heads down. No more privelages, no more answering (demoralised), whilst our parents walked round like angelic beings, prooved honourable. The elders were happy, issue over and firmly under the carpet swept. I have never felt so low and detached from my faith.

I have just remembered a night some years before, when I dragged my father off of my brother in a kitchen brawl and threw him into the cooker (stove). I stared him eyeball to eyeball and said "the elders or the police, your choice." He chose the elders as he wasnt dumb, unlike me. The elder came and went. Nothing changed. The elder said that it was common in the congregation. He said to get over it and move on. Work on the fruitages of the spirit as a family etc etc.

Anyway, both parents have long left, to the shock of many but not to a few. One claimed to be of the anointed so it had been a big deal. All my siblings still attend, wounded but ever faithful. But this was the start for me. The eye opening experience that made me realise I was praying to thin air. LOVE JUSTICE POWER, I didnt see any of those attributes. I also have the fortune of knowing the truth of the situation, the elders that got it wrong didnt. That cemented it for me...

Hang on, this is just.... men.

Lady Lee

knowledge domestic violence - in my books if it is in the family it is domestic although most often it refers to spouses

How so called Christians can turn away from this violence is beyond me.

flipper

I've written about this before, but seems appropriate for this thread. My older sister ( 57 yrs.old ) was married 20 years to a very abusive JW man. Throughout the marriage he cheated with other sisters in the congregation behind my sisters back . He also took cocaine and methamphetamine drugs. Also he beat my sister so badly that he messed up her sexual organs where she could never be with a man again in a sexual way. He also terrorized their children - who can't stand him to this day , understandably. My sister would try to leave him and he'd go whining and crying to the elders that he " couldn't live without her " and he'd " kill himself " if she left him. Typical manipulative behavior. When my sister talked to the elders they told her , " You must be doing something to make your husband very angry. You need to try being a better wife. More submissive. " My parents finally helped my sister flee this jerk off of a husband and she got her freedom. But not without a price psychologically . My sister has suffered from post-traumatic stress syndrome for years since the late 1980's after the divorce , and had all kinds of health problems. She suffered a major stroke 2 years ago and lost use of her arm for awhile. Only recently with physical therapy has she gotten full use of it back - but I can't help but think that much of what led to her stroke was the extreme physical and emotional suffering she went through for 20 years.

This WT society and it's leaders and elders have a lot to answer for. I hope to hell that someone sometime gets a class action lawsuit against these bastards and takes this organization down so it never gets up again. I've seen way too much suffering in many families with NO accountability on the WT society's part

Lady Lee

I wish her well flipper

Heaven

During my teenage years, my parents didn't get along. There weren't any real fights that I saw when I lived at home, just little things. One very key incident was when my Mom moved out of the matrimonial bedroom into her own room downstairs. She pretty much withdrew from everything. She once told me "Your father and I live separate lives." She also told me that love can be killed. This was very profound for me because.... funny thing... this isn't recorded in the Bible.

I think with my parents it was a case of each of them doing things to the other. There was an incident regarding their farm that occurred that caused a huge wedge between them. My Father has also admitted to me that he physically pushed my Mom one day and she fell down. I tried not to react to this. But I did say to him that his actions were not good and that if he hadn't already done so, that he should apologize to her. I don't know if he ever did.

My observations about submissiveness is that it breeds contempt. "Headship" does not work. It is not supportive of love, growth, and joy of the spirit. If you stand up for yourself and you set boundaries, you are respected more. One's 'submissiveness' or lack of boundary setting is a silent approval that the treatment one is receiving is ok.

If anyone threatens you with any sort of harm, you need to immediately take steps. Do not make excuses for this person. They have a problem and need to get professional help. Your number one goal is to protect yourself. Look after yourself. You are no good to anyone if you don't do this.

"If it hurts, it's abuse."

Mr. Flipper... I feel very deeply for your sister. Her story, and the others I have read on JWN since I joined, always sadden me. My stomach knots up. I think anyone who uses the Bible to justify subjugating or abusing another, is a sick individual or group (like the WTS).

Nathan Natas

These are heartbrakinly sad stories.

In my old congregation back in NYC, there was a sister I recall who had absolutely no respect at all for her "Casper Milquetoast" "go along to get along" husband.

She didn't mind letting other members of the congragation know that she couldn't wait for him for die at Armageddon. He came to the meeting with her and sat by her side. He didn't speak much to anyone. I can't say that I "knew" him, certainly not in the sense of a friend. I Only "knew of" him. He was an object, an accessory that she put on when whe went to the meetings.

That was 40-plus years ago. Even back then, as an inexperienced youth just out of High School, that seemed very wrong and pathetic to me.

I wonder how happy she is now. Probably they are both long gone now.

I am not suggesting that she was ever physically violent with him, but she certainly was emotionally abusive. Probably he died eagerly, glad to get away from her.

While women often ARE the victims in bad reationships, they aren't always the victims. "Casper" was one.

who knew a wife who was in a domestic violence situation while a jw

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