Hi everybody,
I've been lurking this board the past few days and reading a lot.
I'm a 30 year old male from an unnamed European country, I was brought up "in the faith" by my JW-parents (my father is an elder and was even the "head elder" (I guess that's not the proper english term, english isn't my mother language) for a while, although I believe he stepped down when I faded away, but was reinstated as an elder later. I never really had any interest in religion or god, not even as a child, even with my perfect JW upbringing. It always felt like a chore and I did my JW duties, but just the bare minimum I could get away with, living at home with JW parents (attending the 3 meetings every week, and going to do field work 1 hours on saturdays).
At around age 15-16 I got baptized, I was not directly pressured to do it but some hints were made by parents/elders. Shortly after I got baptized I realized I wasn't ready for a life commitment as a JW baptism is, after all I had never been really interested in religion despite my JW upbringing. Around age 16-17, shortly after my baptism, I started to "fade" intentionally, faking illnesses or making other excuses not go to meetings or in the field work. I moved out of my parents house at around age 18. By then I had totally stopped going to meetings and didn't want to discuss religion or JW to anybody.
After that, about 12 years now, things have been peaceful and quiet. I got 2-3 visits from elders, but I asked my father to pass along a message that elders were NOT allowed to visit or contact me, and they have respected my wish, until last year when a elder I particularily dislike tried to visit me a few times, but I managed to see him coming and avoided answering the door. Enough brainwashing for life, thanks! :)
My relationship with my family has been pretty good, we have a silent agreement to not mention religion at all and it works out just fine.
I've read a bit on the history of the JW and it really seems like just one more cult, imho. Doctrinal changes which go unchallenged by everybody, they just call it "new light" and nobody even questions it. It's really amazing to be able to see it now, how brainwashed the JW congregations are. When i was still an active JW I used to feel sorry for all the brainwashed people in all those religious cults, but I didn't even realize I was a member in one. They really do manage to brainwash you there, don't they? And now I feel sorry for all the brainwashed JW's ....
I have always feared to get disfellowshipped, and that fear has actually controlled my life to quite a large degree. I'm 30 years old and even if I have had some romantic relationships over the years, I've always ended them quickly, partly because of my fear to get DF'd. And of course, made sure no JW found out about it.
Anyways, I made a decision months, even years ago, to disassociate myself - beat them to it, to be honest. I really didnt want to live my life anymore in fear that one day I will get DF'd. So, finally, the other day I went to our national registry and changed my religion from JW to not being a member of any religion. I'm pretty sure the local JW branch office will get a letter from the national registry with my name and "religion change" in the near future.
So I am wondering what to expect? A meeting with some elders where they try to persude me to change my mind (yeah right), followed by an announcement in the Kingdom Hall? Seems like the logical thing. I discussed with my father a few years back, if being DF'd would change anything in our relationship and he said I would always be his son, no matter what religion I chose. So I feel I'm "safe" there, I will still have my family. At least, I sure hope so. Funny religion that teaches god's love is endless and he can forgive anything, but the JW organization shuns you.
Anyway, I just wanted to say hi, introduce myself and hopefully take part in the chat here and ask a few questions. I've basically blocked all JW stuff from my life ever since i faded but I guess i need closure, so I'm gonna spend some time researching the religion, and making myself 100% content with my decision, because honestly I'm not 100% sure. Being brainwashed the first 16 years of my life when I started thinking for myself .... it really screws with your mind.
I didnt intend for this to become so long, but I guess I have a lot of issues on my mind :) If you bother to read it all, thanks for listening, and I'm looking forward to answers to my question, what will happen now that i've disassociated myself? Thanks again
