Funerals and Disfellowshipped Individuals

by lepermessiah 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  lepermessiah

  Not to "hijack" Dogpatch's recent thread, but the experience he relayed in the above topic struck a nerve and I was curious for more input.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188715/1/My-Aunts-funeral-at-the-Kingdom-Hall

  If there is ever a time when a shred of human dignity and compassion is deserved, it is at a funeral.

  I am appalled by the way disfellowshipped individuals are treated, but especially at witness funerals.

  The flesh and blood relatives have the right to be there if they choose. If you are a witness and you are offended by a disfellowshipped person attending, dont let the door hit you in the @$$ on the way out. I always made it a point to go and offer my condolences to the disfellowshipped person and didnt care if someone was offended - they have the double whammy of being in mourning and being shunned - my heart always always went out to those folks.

  They used to not be so dogmatic on attending luncheons where disfellowshipped people attended, but even that has changed.

  I posted this wonderful story:

  According to what I've heard about similar events with my jw mom, the author's brother did what the Watchtower recommends. If the deceased jw's family holds a gathering after the funeral in a public place, then it is okay for other jws to attend even if da'd and df'd people are there. But if the gathering is held at a private home of a jw, da'd and df'd people are not to be there. If they are, then jws should not attend.

  Even that has changed and gotten much more "strict".

  I know of a completely embarrassing case locally.

  The grandfather in a large witness family passed away. One of his grandsons was disfellowshipped, but grandpa had let it be known that he wanted his grandson to be there. He attended the funeral and participated in the procedures.

  The luncheon following the services was at a large catering hall. He was in line to have some food, and a couple of elders FREAKED out. They started saying that anyone who was in attendance could lose their privileges if they remained at the luncheon since the DF'ed person was there. (Supposedly the CO verified this - I have a hard time believing it since I dont recall it in writing) Sadly, the father of the young man went up to him as he SAT DOWN with his meal next to his mourning grandmother and asked him to leave. The young man left naturally embarrased and pissed off.

  That was HIS grandfather, not any of the witnesses in attendance. HE had the right to be there if anyone did, not them.

  HOW DARE they set such parameters on flesh and blood, especially in a time of sadness. HOW CAN YOU CALL THIS CHRISTIAN?????

  (ok, Im done)

  Only Pharasees and unloving bastards could set such inhumane rules.

  Gosh, I wonder why he doesnt ever want to come back?
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  QuestioningEverything

  Stories like the one above upset me. It is HORRIBLE to not console someone who is dealing with the death of a loved one. How hateful of those elders to make that young man leave!!
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  spawn

  This is another reason the Borg should be destroyed, they have no compassion for anyone. Everything by the book even though it's the wrong book
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  Out at Last!

  Jw's known for showing love to others??? Only true Christians??? Their supposed model, Jesus, showed love to beggers, tax collectors, harlots. Do you think he would demand a DF'ed person to leave a family members funeral?
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  SPAZnik

  "Gosh, I wonder why he doesnt ever want to come back?"

  No kidding, hey. I can feel for the pain these types of situations cause.

  Talk about overkill in usurping the very throne they claim to serve. They convince someone that God is judge and God is the reader of hearts and to forgive not 7 times but 77 times and so on just like JC, but then when that someone appears to stumble over a very emotion based rule or over their extremely irrational premature adjudications, turn around and punish them endlessly and at the worst times possible just because you 'can' then tell them that's because you think you're indignation is 'righteous' and your perspective is the only truth complete with a direct channel to God and they must submit to you or die or fill out form number whatever before you'll let them back in and only after jumping through hoops xyz and vut. Bureaucratic? Sociopathic? Sadistic? Diabolical? Delusional? Take your pick. War is war is war is war is war.

  I'm beginning to believe that human beings are little other than walking talking shit-making machines. Every last one of them/us. JWs are no exception no matter how 'special' they seem to need to believe they are in order to deal with their fear. Some groups are just bigger pile-makers of the stuff, frequently BECAUSE of how 'special' they think their name or place is in the grande fear-based schemata. A bully by any other name still stinks to high heaven.

  Would they even know an opportunity to pave the way for peace if it sat on their face, once or a hundred times? Certainly not so long as their hearts and minds have been disabled by the feel-good group-think piles of BUNK they greedily ingest like a bunch of mindless addicts.

  Indeed there is something to be said for letting 'the dead bury their dead' and dealing with life and death your own way instead of playing their perpetually ritualistic power tripping cowardly small man games in times of grief, which completely misses the point.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I didn't read the other thread, but in the case you state, JW's typically act that stupid way because they think the grandson is a bad influence as if he had cooties, but the official party line is not to eat with such a person regardless of how much association (against the rules) you have with him. SO they can overlook his being at the funeral, afterall that's a good thing to them- getting him to the KH or to a JW talk at a funeral home. But they cannot overlook the "eating with him" thing. The official policy is that the shunning is good for him and will make him want to stop being rebellous, gay, cigarette smoking, independent-minded, or whatever they think he is.
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  AK - Jeff

  I have related a few of my own experiences, so won't do so again. But in brief:

  • Six months after I left [before any jw's knew the reasons] and before I DA'd my mother died. THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION, of whom I had been a part for most of my 50 years by then, BOYCOTTED THE FUNERAL.
  • Just last year my BIL of 30 years died. I was ignored at both the funeral and the dinner following, held at a local catering hall. No one - including my heartless MIL sheeple, even greeted me.
  • At her second wedding last year for my SIL, I was the minister. My MIL and other jw SIL refused to attend the wedding itself. At the reception they acted as if I was not there, though I was the presiding minister of the event.

  Yes - they are heartless bastards following other heartless bastards following the Governing Bastards in NY.

  Jeff
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  SPAZnik

  Outatlast! you said it perfectly.
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  SPAZnik

  It boils down to the disfellowshipping policy being men's way of giving up on peace efforts when they themselves are overwhelmed by their own anger fear and incompetence at getting to the root truth of a situation. Too bad they won't acknowledge that. Perhaps it's a pride thing.

  I guess in some circles it's okay to venerate the channelings of known murderers as justification for maintaining hyper vigilant bullying practices against others for any excuse from smoking, kissing girls they're not registered to, growing facial hair, or showing up to honour their dead relatives in times of grief.

  Who was it that said let he who has not sinned cast the first stone? Jesus told stories about a 'prodigal son' who was met and received back from far away, just like that. Then again, Jesus is dead because of how he power played. But that JWs can't see the difference between their policies and CJs teachings that they claim to follow, boggles.

  Compared with ancient spiritual practices that are thousands of years old, the JWs rules and regs and interpretations only have about a hundred years under their belt. Hence the koolaid?
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  MochaLatte

  The luncheon following the services was at a large catering hall. He was in line to have some food, and a couple of elders FREAKED out. They started saying that anyone who was in attendance could lose their privileges if they remained at the luncheon since the DF'ed person was there. (Supposedly the CO verified this - I have a hard time believing it since I dont recall it in writing) Sadly, the father of the young man went up to him as he SAT DOWN with his meal next to his mourning grandmother and asked him to leave. The young man left naturally embarrased and pissed off.

  The part of the above story that made me angry is that this is likely what motivated the brothers to act to usher the young man out. Not the supposed cleanliness of the congregation, and certainly not the feelings of the grieving young man, but fear of losing their own positions in the congregation. God forbid that they should in any way jeopardize their positions! Experiencing firsthand the effects of this mentality was the last straw for me as a JW.