Borg cubes will reach us in approximately 20 hours

by sd-7 45 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Aussie Oz

  Its an awful place to be in. While not entirely the same situation, i know loss.

  For my case, there is a some background i wont publicly post at the moment... But in order to gain my sanity, i walked away. I moved out because in my wifes eyes i was a piece of trash in the gutter. I could not survive in what had become a hostile enviroment to me. By that move in the end i lost my wife of 16 years, real time with my kids, the house, the cars, the assets, every friend i had made from 10.

  i too was suicidal, for me it was because i truly thought i gone over to satan and that i was no good. The pain of it all was almost too much one day... nuff said. I had literally zero help. It was a dark dark time.

  But i learnt to deal with the losses, for me, one day without confrontation was worth more than a thousand with it. It is really hard to have the relationship you cherish so much go sour. My wife and i were best friends, we married when she was just 18, we played house and had babies. Until our baby boy almost died one night, we had never even spent one night apart in 10 years. Now it has turned to hate, she lashes me with spite equal to the love she once had. It still hurts if i let it come up.

  but i have made a new life, with true friends, my kids and i get on great, i have a new wife who loves me more than i ever thought possible. You are in dark days sd-7. But dont do anything rash... please. Your kids will need to more than you know one day... be there for them. If you need to walk away to avoid doing yourself or anybody elsr harm, do it. you will look back in years to come with gladness in your heart. Every time my children and i have some good time, i am so glad i walked away and did not kill myself because that stupid religion made feel like a sack of shit and that my wife bought it.

  hang in there.

  Oz
• 

  HappyGuy

  Why are you giving these people power over you?

  It is your home, if they come into your home then they have to respect you in your home, if they don't then show them the door.

  Ask them point blank what the purpose of the visit is. Is it a shepherding call or is it a judicial committee meeting? If they say sheperherding call then hold them to that, if they say JC meeting then say that you are not agreeing to a meeting like that unless you are told in writing what the charges are and what the evidence is ahead of time so that you can prepare a defense.

  Read scriptures to them that discuss headship and tell them that you are appalled that they are ignoring your headship and causing problems in your marriage and that you will not tolerate them butting into your marriage or usurping your role as head of your household or trying to care for your wife's spiritual welfare when that is your responsibility. Tell them that in the future when they call your home they can talk to you but if they want to talk to your wife you want to know ahead of time and be present.

  There are many scriptures to back up such a stance. Use them.

  If they start accusing you of wrongdoing tell them that you want the evidence in writing so that you can consider it but you are not willing to discuss it since they said this was supposed to be a shepherding call.
• 

  FuzzyPaul

  I can't stand the suspense. What Happened?

  Fuzzy
• 

  Hiding Questioner

  Like Oz, I too had to "walk" in order to gain my sanity. I too moved on when made to feel like a piece of trash by my wife, her JW family and JW friends. I too could not survive in what had become a hostile enviroment against me. By my exit I lost the wife I once loved and cared for so deeply, the house, the cars, the assets, and with my wife's slander, I lost my valuable reputation, which took years to rebuild. For me too it was really hard to have the relationship I invested so much into go sour. My wife and I were also best friends. In the end it all turned to hate, with the religion used against me as a tool.

  Yes, I too have been suicidal, and made to feel worthless and, with all my pain, I too had literally zero help. For me, this too was a dark dark time.

  But now I have made a new life, with true friends, and I too have a new wife who loves me.

  There are more of us like Oz and me and, together, we can support you.

  HQ
• 

  jamiebowers

  I'm curious is your Father is still around to advise you?

  I've advised him several times to talk to his dad, but he wants to do this on his own. Christopher has been, and as far as I know, is continuing therapy. His deep depression has finally turned into rage. It's quite a painful step up the ladder and out of the borg. His jc meeting was this evening, and I was hoping to get a call from him, but it hasn't happened yet...maybe tomorrow if he can get away from his wife for a few minutes.

  UPDATE: Just checked my email, and he sent a message 20 minutes ago. Sounds like he's staying strong. I'm afraid to post more and betray any confidences.
• 

  Gerard

  Thinking of you buddy. Stay strong.
• 

  kurtbethel

  Shepherding call, do they want to collect wool, or mutton?
• 

  mimimimi

  Seriously, Christopher, you do not have to talk to these people at all. You are alowing them way too much control over your life. Meet them at the door and tell them "you are not welcome here. Do not ever come back here again." Then close the door. Then tell your wife that you do not want her talking to them about you, that you love her and want things in your life to work, but that the elders and the JW org are not going to be a part of it. TAke your stand. YOu cannot control what her stand will be, but you cannot have a good life together if the JW org is such a part of it.

  I know at this time, that sounds impossible to do. You need to get some professional help to help you sort things out and to give you moral support in how you handle this. You need courage and strength.
• 

  zoiks

  Hang in there, Christopher. A lot of people are rooting for you. You have my number if you need to talk, for whatever it's worth.
• 

  sd-7

  Thanks, everyone. Round 1 of the judicial committee is over. I stood my ground as much as possible, played my own defense attorney. They asked an irrelevant question which I refused to answer. They accused me of being 'unrepentant' for questioning the validity of their line of questioning. Threatened to DF me on Wednesday. Hmm. The CO visit is this week. Round 2 is on Wednesday. I've no choice now. I'm out of room to run. They've shown their true colors. Details will be forthcoming in later post. Time to let them have it with both barrels. They spent most of Round 1 berating us for not confessing to them. Equated themselves with God. I was amused, actually. They're going to DF. It's at the point of no return. After that, who knows? At least I'll be free. I feel a little better for now. I'll tell you all everything when I can--might not be till Tuesday.

  --Christopher