Just write something completely goofy! (page 5)

awildflower

That's funny! My mother- in- law is full Korean and this sounds kind of familiar .

crapola

Beans, beans the wonderful fruit

The more you eat, the more you toot

The more you toot the better you feel

So let's have beans for every meal.

If Sooner sees this he will probably not speak to me again from embarrassment!

Snoozy

What's that in the road Ahead?

(You said corney)

Snoozy

poopsiecakes

There's nothing like a good complaint letter too - ladies, enjoy!!

A must-read:

This is an actual letter sent to Proctor & Gamble

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER

BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE

Dear Mr. Thatcher

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years,
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horse riding
or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the month' is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realise it's a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to
the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi
pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have
a Happy Period.'

Are you *+*#*ing kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really
think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible
during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least
bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak
girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have
to jack yourself up on Nurofen and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your
house just so you don't march down to the local Tesco's armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put Down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong'?- Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
immediately, there will be an *8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons

crapola

Poopsie, That was hilariouus!

nancy drew

there once was a witness from macon who thought she had a good call when she went to the door it was an apostate for sure because he asked about this generation

awildflower

Poopsie!

fokyc

"Computers are just a passing fad, they will never catch on."

English headmaster in 1982!

fokyc

Mythbuster

Boldtext Pew Bible: King James Version

Doesn't work, March 21, 2008
By Jed

This book doesn't work. I've tried the "praying" method to get a new Porsche 996 delivered but to no avail. There's nothing in the instructions about not wanting German sports cars but I tried praying for less ambitious things. I gave up when it didn't even get me a Big Mac. In the early part there's a bit about people crossing the desert and being sustained by manna from heaven, so you'd think that it would be able to manage at least a hamburger.

I'm disappointed and will contact the publisher. In the meantime I can't recommend this book as it is clearly faulty.

(Not mine but funny)

Just write something completely goofy!

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