Is there any way to fight for my bipolar daughter?

by angryrat 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • angryrat
    angryrat

    I am new to this forum and was hoping to have some place to vent. I am absulutely hurt and beside myself as I write this.

    I raised my kids to follow the witness teachings. One of my daughters has a very severe bipolar disorder and is currently in a mental institution after trying to kill herself. I am no longer a witness, disfellowshipped about a year ago. My daughter asked to see me, and I went to visit her. What I had to endure since that visit is tearing my heart out.

    Her husbands family are all stepford robots and are deep down uncaring horrible human beings. Visit time was only an hour, I drove an hour just to see her and make sure she was ok. We laughed and hugged and cried and told each other how much we missed each other and needed to be a complete family again. Her witness husband was there the entire time, except to leave for a few minutes so his perfect parents could visit with MY daughter. She told me that she was upset by the fact that they have been having money problems and asked his perfect, loaded with money grandparents lent them money with a clause-that they attend all meetings. This upset my daughter and stressed her to the point where 2 days ago she tried to take her life.She is also the mother of a beautiful little boy who doesn't even know who I am.

    All I said to her was that Jehovah's and his son Jesus love was unconditional and that she could only do what she could do. The pressure for perfection on this poor girl is too much. I told her I loved her, she asked me to return and see her and call her and we cried and hugged goodbye. I left, walking past the robots who acted like I was a criminal just released from custody. Fine with me, because I want nothing to do with them anyway.

    Her husband runs out to my car in the parking lot yelling at me "what did you say to her??" I told him that I assured her God's love would be with her through this no matter how many meetings she attends. I don't think the robots appreciated my visit and took the 5 minutes they had left with her to tell her that. Obviously, my clear mind and thinking is a major threat to them and they want me invisible as I have been.

    On my drive home, the husband called and told me my daughter did not want to see me or hear from me again. I had greatly upset her. I guess honesty upset the apple cart, and now I am a horrendous villain who is seeking to undermine her getting better. I said nothing bad about JW's, just that she needs her family (she has an older disfellowshipped sister also who she wanted to speak to on the phone).

    I have no rights, cannot say anything in my defense, and feel bad that my child feels this way about me. The brainwashing and programming are too much for me to even think about. Promises of seeing my grandson are gone and I don't even know if my daughter will ever be allowed to communicate with me at all at this point. I am broken hearted. My only hope is that during her stay at this mental facility, someone will reach her and tell her that the mind control she is under is wrong and she needs to follow her own heart.

    My past with the witnesses is not a good one. At one point I did everything that was asked of me as a wife of an elder. I lived to the point of exhaustion trying to meet hour quotas and meetings and 'look good' so my husband could shine. My shining husband rewarded me with raping me, calling me a worthless piece of shit and throwing me down a flight of stairs in front of our children. That began my downward spiral in leaving this disorganization, and it seems to me I always have a target on my back. They have all seemed bound and determined to punish me to extreme because I refuse to be a part of it.

    My ex husband is still in good standing and he can do no wrong. I have been told that my grandson calls him 'no no' and they have a wonderful close relationship. My ex husband is a piece of garbage and a horrible person no normal human being would even want to know. Yet he is embraced by these people because he lied about the way he treated me and is still in their good graces, while I am outcast.

    Do I have legal recourse to seek visitation with my grandson? I don't know what to do about my daughter I love so much. I fear writing her a letter that will be intercepted by these horrible people. I just don't know what to do.

    Thank you for listening to me and allowing me to vent. I feel I am fighting an uphill battle, but I know I'm not alone. Any coping mechanisms will be greatly appreciated if someone has any advice.

  • blondie
    blondie

    I know you need to vent but I would not say anything negative to your daughter about your ex-husband, her husband, or her in-laws. Some factors can be just as damaging to relationships as mental illness. You need to concentrate your efforts on her mental health which would be still a problem even if she were not a jw. She needs to get her meds and lifestyle more balanced and she has to do that from inside and for herself.

    www.nami.org

    This organization has many tools for helping family members deal with the situation for themselves and their loved ones.

  • nugget
    nugget

    There are a few strategies I don't know where you are located so can't be too specific. I would take legal advice explaining what led to your daughter's breakdown in the first place and the positive affect you seemed to have on her during your visit. Explain that the families efforts to control her visits from you could be counter productive to her health. Also explain that under dfing you are allowed contact in an emergency and this certainly qualifies. Also enquire whether the clause on the loan is legally binding.

    As she is a mental paitient there also may be some sort of patient advocate who speaks on behalf of the person who may be able to discern your daughters wishes and restore your right to visit. They may also dtermine that she is under too much pressure from witness relatives who visit.

    If the hospital allows gifts you could arrange for flowers or card to be delivered to your daughter in person with a message from you that you would love to visit again if she wishes you to do so. Some message services will wait for a reply and pass on the return message. Perhaps you could get a non df'd person to visit on your behalf with a message just so your daughter knows that you are there for her. If she agrees to the visit make sure the nursing staff are aware of this. Perhaps time your visit for a meeting time.

    This is a truly tragic case and there may be nothing you can do straight away. Just be prepared to be there. Your SonIL was probably shocked and distressed by his wife's actions and is struggling to come to terms with it. He may also be bearing some measure of guilt as it was partly his actions that got them into this situation. He is lashing out looking for someone to blame and you are an easy person to dump on.

    Others on the board may be able to offer practical support if they have similar experience, there is alot of people out there who have worked through difficult issues and know what they are talking about.

  • goldensky
    goldensky

    Dear Angryrat, I'm sorry to say I don't have any legal advice to give you. I just wanted to tell you I have no words to express my sorrow at your situation and to let you know my heart goes out to you. I wish you the best turn in your circumstances that will allow you to have free access to your beloved daughter, with all my heart... You sound like a very strong person. Keep your courage up!

  • nugget
    nugget

    bttt

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    Possibly you could ask to speak to her doctor about her.

    That your not asking information about her

    but would like to express concerns you have

    and that you are open to any questions they may have from you, the mother.

    There no doubt will do extensive background research on your daughter and her childhood

    and you certainly would have something to offer.

    I would not be a pain in the ass but persistent until you were satisified that you could be a part of the solution or that you had

    exhausted all avenues to help her.

    IDK about your grandson and visitation, although I love my grandkids very much,

    I might have to choose my battles carefully and my daughters health would be a priority.

    My daughter is bi-polar, hoping all goes well for her.

    purps

  • angryrat
    angryrat

    Thank you all for your kind words - they are very healing. I am going to try to get in touch with a therapist there and perhaps tell them "my side" of the story. I think if she opens up about her confusion, they will be better able to help her.

    It certainly is a mess, but I am hoping for a reasonable outcome. Your support is much appreciated

  • flipper
    flipper

    ANGRY RAT- Welcome to the board my friend. I'm so sorry you are dealing with these mind controlled witnesses. Especially hard when they are family members driving your own daughter off a cliff mentally. Unfortunately, JW's are experts at pitting people against one another , especially if they are fanatic witnesses trying to make themselves look better to your daughter using the method of trying to make you look bad to your daughter in the process. They are insidiously sneaky small people for sure. I have a fanatic JW ex-wife who turns my 2 adult JW daughters against me every chance she gets.

    You've had some good suggestions for sure so far. Lots of loving, caring people here. The one thing I feel is that you want to continue showing your daughter that YOUR love is unconditional. It's NOT for your daughters husband to tell you that your daughter doesn't want to see you. He may just be saying that pressured from HIS relatives. It is probably a lie. Your daughter probably didn't say that AT ALL. Remember one thing- the JW cult and WT society are ALL ABOUT CONTROL. So - If your daughters in-laws can control her either from seeing you , or control her by insisting she go to meetings to receive financial benefits - either way they have her under control - it doesn't matter to them. They are mirroring what the cult teaches them.

    So bottom line - continue contacting your daughter discreetly either through flowers sent, cards , phone calls when relatives aren't there. Just be there for her- no matter WHAT her in-laws say. It's HER call, not theirs. And while you do that continue explaining to medical staff there the situations you told us on the thread and as a concerned mother you are worried these pressures have sent your daughter over the edge towards committing suicide. If you know her therapist- talk to him or her. It will show you care MORE than the JW relatives who see therapists, counselor, or psychologists as little value due to their alleged " worldly wisdom ". Beat your JW in-laws to the punch in giving info to the doctors involved. Authentic, real human love ALWAYS wins out over cult conditional love my friend in the end. Please be assured of our love and caring.

    I will send you a Private mail and send my wife and my phone number if you'd like to talk. Hang in there friend, Sincerely, Mr. Flipper & Wife.

  • flipper
    flipper

    ANGRYRAT- You have a received message from me in your PM's . Check it out, thanks, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • AWAKE&WATCHING
    AWAKE&WATCHING

    You poor dear. I am so sorry for the stress and pain you are experiencing. Lots of good advice here, I do hope it helps.

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