Aussie it is a shame that those who know us the best are the ones that cause us the most pain. Keep with it, in the future you will have solid proof of how hard you fought for your children. After all it is their well being that is important. Later in life they will be able to make their own choices what ever happens now so it will be important to them that you didn't give up on them whatever their mother says and does in the here and now. These bad things do have a habit of back firing in the long term.
I am so angry i want to smack someone around. God damn evil ex...I am ranting!
by Aussie Oz 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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GLTirebiter
Sorry to hear about the trouble at mediation, Aussie. Twelve years you've put with this--you have reason to be upset! Don't lash out or do something rash that she can hold against you, just vent here instead. Your kids need you too much.
Do your kids have cell phones, and if not could you afford to get phones for them? That's one way you can keep in touch with less interference from the Ex (especially via texting). Think about asking the family court or mediator for "unlimited phone contact at reasonable hours", if that would help you. I don't know how the laws work with that in Australia, but it's something my attorney was able to arrange for me. BTW, I have the phones on my family plan in my name, so the Ex doesn't get to see how many or how long the calls are.
Keep doing the best you can,
GLT
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Aussie Oz
cyberjesus; thankyou
hopscotch; as much as i feel like some public exspose' of her, i fear in the end it would backfire and be motivated by my anger! She has already become the master at manipulation of professsionals. But i could be pursuaded to take part in a doco on them.
iknowall; my kids get no say, when we broke up she promised me that i would always have the best acsess. I grew up the same... i was allowed to hate my dad. we got moved 600km away from him. I lost 22 years of my dad. and i have more to do with him than mum now, although i love mum very much, i think she was doing what she thought best. BUT that does not excuse it either really. My ex no doubt feels she is protecting them from 'spititual endangerment' or something. Yes it is out of control and i am having to fight for scraps, but i will not back down this time.
Penny2; yeah, i hope so. i can see the tables turning, but sometimes kids just get sucked right in. i will always be there for them. i dont want mine to be of that number. i am slowly working on them.
Blacksheep: not sure i understand! thats the last thing i want... maybe you are suggesting some sort of reverses phsycology? They then leave and she has to shun them?
hortenzie: 12 years... when we broke up she promised me the world regarding acsess and as a 'decent christian woman' i beleived her. at the start the kids were very little. have been through mediation back in 2001 that was a disaster. She made some very serious legal threats and i was weak and truly scared of what she would do and backed down. each time i tried to get better acsess as the years went by she would throw just enough bone to control the situation. She has fabricated phsycological issues in my son that she has used to also control the acsess. But now, she has tried to make the acsess even less and the tables are turned. this time i have nothing to lose, i have the money and lawyers and am prepared to spend. here, we have to have mediation fail before it can go to court, and that is the process i am in now.
michelle365; sounds very similar, just mine wont actually say it because she knows that no judge in aust will allow religion to be a tool. thats why she fabricated the phsyco issues as a legal smokescreen. all the best... your situation sounds aweful.
cry; yes. i am a litle panicky. she will not agree that the kids must wait until 18 before baptism either, so i am on alert as they are 13 and 16.
nugget; cant agree more... they know i am fighting for them. i am sure it will backfire...well i hope so! after 22 years of hating my dad i found him to be a most wonderful man. i am so glad i found him again.
GLT; i do call them on my sons mobile, probably not enough so i will step it up i think! my daughter always seems to lose hers! i have thought of getting them a laptop but i know she would ban the internet so maybe i could bring that up if it goes to court. (which i think it will.)
for the record, the current access is every two weeks friday at 5pm to saturday 3 pm. she wants to retain that PLUS now make me drive all the way instead of 1/2 way each. That would mean: leave home at 3pm friday to pick them up at 5 and get home again at 7. get up at say 8 in the morning and be together for 5 hours till we get in the car at 1pm and drop them to the ex at 3 and get home at 5 again. That is actually more time in the car than in visiting! 8 hours driving in two days for about 7 hours of real 'quality' time.
this simply is not acceptable.
oz
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Michelle365
Oz
That truly is NOT acceptable. What are her "reasons" for not wanting you to spend more time with the kids? Is it truly just because you are df'd and she makes up the other stuff for the court? Here in the US the judges are not going to say that someone can't teach the kids a particular religion either. Here you have to prove that the religion is detrimental to the relationship with the parent. In Florida, (where I'm at) that is the main concern. Being that I am now df'd having my kids (6 & 8) go to meetings at all IS teaching them that I am "bad" as you all know. I too am so scared of them getting baptized and my ex also will not agree to wait until the turn 18. So my one hope here is that I can prove to a judge that this "religion" is detrimental to my relationship as a mother with my children. I found this one website (there are many others) http://www.jehovahswitnessesexperts.com/Experience/experience.html I have no idea what the cost is or if they have contacts in Australia but I do think the website is worth checking out AND they do free telephone consultations. They may be able to help or give you names of people closer to you. The good thing about JWs is that it's universal so while all of our local laws are different the religion is always the same.
My plan is that if I fail to prove to the judge that he should instruct my ex to NOT teach the kids anything about the religion (this actually has happened in quite a few cases) I'd like to change our custody schedule so that they miss more of the meetings. We split the time 50/50 but my ex has the girls on all the meeting times. We also do every other weekend and on my Sunday he comes to pick them up for the meeting. It's awful but it was the only way I could get divorced at the time. I too was weak and scared but am finally ready to fight back.
Here in Florida we have to meet with a "Parenting Coordinator" she's kinda like a counselor. She meets with us individually and then together and tries to facilitate negotiations and teach us ways to communicate better. This is a fruitless step and a waste of my money as we know there is no reasoning with hardcore JWs. After that we go to mediation. After THAT trial before a judge. It's a long expensive process and it's miserable.
I feel for you and all of us going through this. I will NOT lose my kids. I refuse. The borg can not take that from me too.
Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to vent or scream and cuss.
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babygirl30
I am sooo sorry you are going through this! It's ironic that a religion that screams 'peace and love' - gives their members this bloated RIGHT to raise HELL when deciphering how everyone ELSE should show that peace and love!!! Very sad indeed. <<HUGS>>
Rest assured that although things are rough NOW because of the kids mom (your ex)...in the future they WILL understand all that is going on and will see things for how they are.
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Black Sheep
Let them get baptised.
Blacksheep: not sure i understand! thats the last thing i want... maybe you are suggesting some sort of reverses phsycology? They then leave and she has to shun them?
I'm sorry I can't suggest a short term solution for you Oz.
Them getting baptised means that there is a good chance that at some time in the future she will choose shun them, or if she realises the WT is full of doodoo first, they will choose to shun her. Either way, she gets her just deserts.
It's not much help to you and your kids now though.
i so want to destroy her faith in this crock of a religion now.
Don't bother, you kids will be grown up and left home before you'll ever lever her out of this cult. The kids are the important ones here and they are easier to work with. While you still have the opportunity, you have to say stuff that is going to fester in their minds until they want to get out all by themselves. Be a really nice Dad and don't let yourself get all bitter and twisted in their company. Teach them how to think. Watch stuff like Death of the Megabeasts with them and maybe not even ask what they think of it, just watch it. I did that with my wife. She never said a word. So what? It's still another Cog Dis she has to stack away on her overflowing shelf.
Cheers
Chris
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Aussie Oz
Thanks Chris, i see what you mean... i dont think i'll ever lever her out! I just had to rant or let my head implode! I cannot fathom the workings of her mind. It seems the common thread though, they are mostly incapable of rational thought and empathy.
i am focusing much more on subtle festerings...the time has come however for me talk about the shunning they will be expected to do if they get baptised. The mother would not agree that they should wait till 18, so its going to be full on now she knows i am against the idea as it came up in mediation.
i focus on being a good dad thats for sure! and teaching them to think...
thanks for the support
oz
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cameo-d
(((((Aussie))))) Focus on your children.
Do you fight the beast or just rescue the kids? Sometimes you can't do both.
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Aussie Oz
Cameo... i will rescue the kids and just dream of fighting the beast.
thanks for that thought
oz
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Black Sheep
I just had to rant or let my head implode!
I can easily relate to that, Oz.