That article in no way reflects how my parents raised thier children. Everyday we were called names, told we weren't good enough, and told our opinoins don't count. I decided long ago that I wouldn't raise my kids that way which doen't mean I'm a pushover (much) but I actively treat my children as though they are human instead of little playthings that I created.
Parenting: The Sad Misuse of Self-Esteem
by leavingwt 15 Replies latest social family
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leavingwt
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THE GLADIATOR
You make some good points leavingwt -
The following quote is take from a book I wrote in 2002 called Opening the Door to Jehovah's Witnesses. I thought it was on topic.
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"Children of the Witnesses are forbidden access to many of the self-esteem enhancing activities that are open to other children. They are brought up to believe that they are different and separate from the world. They do not fully integrate with their schoolmates or teachers, due to their resistance to being fully involved with the education process, and their training to avoid forming friendships with worldly people.
More so than other children, their main security comes from winning the approval of their parents. They find that to win this approval they must do whatever the Society and their parents tell them will win Jehovah God’s approval.
I was told, by my own parents that if I ever left the religion they would never talk to me again. If I were to ever marry outside the religion the same penalty would apply. Although these threats are not always carried out, the Witness child grows up believing that the continuation of their whole world depends upon gaining their parents approval.
In addition to this pressure to conform, is the threat that God himself will kill the child, if he or she should go against their parent’s wishes. The child is also puzzled by the parent’s willingness to lose them in this way and often concludes that the parents do not love him or her. How can they threaten a child they love in this way, or say that the God they love may kill their child? As a child I concluded that I meant very little to my parents. Not all Witness parents act in this way. Those that do, say that they are practising a form of principled love for the child. Unfortunately children do not interpret threats of his kind as love. Nor as far as I know do most adults."
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leavingwt
THE GLADIATOR -- Very interesting. Good points. They ring true, for me.
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restrangled
The Gladiator,
I loved what you wrote but would like to add something from my perspective.
God was so far out of the picture. It was about pleasing parents, then the elders and all in the congregation, then the WBTS, possibly Jesus and then God was dead last and so far removed it wasn't possible to make all these individuals/entities happy. The WBTS was portrayed as how they are reaffirming themselves now....the life line to God.
I grew up understanding that if any or all of the above were not pleased, .....forget about God, he couldn't be bothered, you're toast if you screw up.
To this day I do not pray, and if I did would not expect to be heard. This lesson was firmly cemented into my brain from childhood.
r.
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Terry
I'm the father of Seven (count em) kids. They range in age from 14 to 40!
Three of them I reared myself after the death of their mother in a car wreck.
All of them (so far) have turned out wonderful people. I don't take credit for that so much as take pride.
My whole basis in child-rearing boils down to three premises which IF TRUE make it work out.
1. Nothing is UNearned; neither praise nor punishment. What you sow is what you reap.
2. You own your own actions. Responsibility is inescapable. Intentions come second to deeds done. You break it/you buy it.
3.Rules are tools and not laws. The better you self-manage the fewer rules you need from me.
I have never been Authoritarian and cannot stand parents who are. I am a kind parent who is neither pushover nor best friend.
I have always viewed "success" this way. My kids are supposed to grow up and WANT to leave home and begin their own life by supporting themselves. I don't lend money and they don't borrow. You pay your own way. If you can't afford it you can't buy it.
Authority is a target and an obstacle to growth. I'd rather build a road than a fence with a gate and a guard.
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PSacramento
I love my kids unconditionally, I would do anything for them, their happiness is my reason to live.
I brought them into this world and as such, it is MY responsibility to raise them to be loving and caring, productive members of this world.
My little girls NEVER doubt how much I love them because for every rebuke there is 100 hugs, kisses and I love you's.
When they need a smack on the butt, they get it, followed by how much I love THEM and how much I disliked what they did to get a smack.
I am their father and thei are my children and they are the greatest kids in the world to me, they are perfect and smart and beautiful.
They are also trouble makers, strong, independant and willful.
The balance is to keep them doing right without compromising their strong will, to LEAD them to what is right because THEY want to do it, not because they have to or because I tell them to.