Watcthtower Assurances and Reassurances and Re-Re-Reassurances

by Terry 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Terry
    Terry

    1914 is a very significant date for true believers.

    Here is why:

    Faithful and eager students of the Scriptures figured out (and "proved") Jesus would return to kill the wicked and reward the meek in 1874. The signs were obvious.

    (But, it didn't happen.) Oops.

    Faithful and eager students (the ones who didn't get disgusted and leave) sought to prop up this "return" by Jesus. They found an out. Jesus actually did return. But, he was now your invisible friend who could only be "seen" metaphorically. Wink wink-nudge nudge.

    Armageddon would bring destruction after a brief preaching opportunity. The year eventually was identified: 1914. This was promoted, preached, published and "proved" once again. It was "god's date, not ours".

    (But, it didn't happen.) Oops! Oops!

    However.......

    At least something happened!

    WWI began. Yippeeee!

    Okay, back to the drawing board. What went wrong and what went right?

    (What about Armageddon?)

    Okay---wait! Wait! I got it! I got it!

    Jesus returned invisibly---NOT in 1874 at all. (Forget that. Don't even think about it. It never happened. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.)

    Jesus returned invisibly in 1914!

    Remember that brief delay before Armageddon? You know, the one between 1874 and 1914? Well, we get to do it all over again. We will preach, promote, publish and pump it for all it is worth. Armageddon will come...hmmm....maybe in 1918!

    (But, it didn't happen!) Crummy buttons!

    Oh, Jeez. What now? Lemme see....got to think...got to think....hmmmmm.

    I know! I know!

    Jesus selected the group whom he would work with in 1918 based on their faithful preaching about the phoney date for Armageddon which was "God's date, not ours" and completely embarassing. He picked Judge Rutherford's hijacked corporate cronies to be the new instrument of spreading the good news! Yeah, Baby!

    How close is the end? MILLIONS NOW LIVING WILL NEVER DIE! You can take that to the bank. After all, the corporation does!

    And, by the way, what we said about Russell being the "faithful and wise servant"......?

    That was wrong too. But, wait! We have it right now. This time we are right. No---listen...listen...

    The corporate cronies of Judge Rutherford's hijacked publishing company are the real "Faithful and Wise Servant". You see, they are a kind of...umm....well...conglomerate anti-type.

    Get it? The "Servant" isn't a person---singular (you silly blockhead!) but an Antitypical group...sort of.

    Now we'll really get things right because we are chosen directly by King Jesus to spread the only TRUE message about his kingdom. Jesus himself is directing our message.

    What? You say, "What is the messege Jesus is directing"? Uh....hold on. We'll let you know in a minute..................bzzz bzzz bzzz......

    GOT IT!

    The Armageddon scenario is any second now (we'll explain more about that eventually). The important thing is the ANCIENT WORTHIES will be resurrected by 1925. And, wink wink--nudge nudge you know what that implies don't you?

    For the resurrection to take place.......ARMAGEDDON has to have taken place! Yeah, baby!

    We are building a mansion in San Diego for Abraham and the other righteous dudes to live in. President Rutherford will keep everything cozy for them until they claim their homestead.

    (But, it didn't happen!) Wuh? Shut the hell up!

    Ummm, cough cough. Uh....guess what?

    The actual for real message we are supposed to preach has been right there in front of us all this time and ONLY NOW has King Jesus seen fit to reveal it through us. Extra! Extra! Read all about it: we are now not simply Christians. That ain't good enough. No way.

    We are JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES!

    Our job (now) is to publish the good news about JEHOVAH! We'll uncover the fact that Jah is the editor of our illustrious Watchtower Magazine!

    If you thought King Jesus did a great job giving us New Light---just wait until Jehovah starts pumping revelation and prophecy onto our pages of Truth.

    We can prove we are special and different from other so-called Christians.

    1.We are the only ones who spread true prophecy by the direction of the King in the name of his Father Jehovah. (That stuff about 1884, 1914, 1918 and 1925 proves it because we were EAGER FOR PROPHECY to be fulfilled! You see? Accuracy isn't as important as eagerness.)

    2. We are different. We don't use aluminum cookware! We don't believe germs cause disease. We won't let our children risk recovery in the emergency room; we'll deny blood transfusions. We will shave off Jesus' beard and tear off 1/2 the cross and make it a "torture stake". We'll urge door to door insulting of other people's beliefs and hold ourselves up as the only people with pure worship. Like what? We won't indulge in charity activity, won't build schools or universities or hospitals. We'll do important things instead. Like what? Ummm, we'll sell the Awake! and Watchtower with all this "eager" stuff in it.

    3. We'll get ourselves arrested whenever possible and, even though we don't support government by our vote, we'll leech off "religious liberty" from the Supreme Court.

    4.The Superior Authorities in Romans 13, by the way, is not state government. Ohhh nooo. It is Jehovah God and Jesus Christ. We know that because we alone have King Jesus and his father Jehovah whispering true Truth in our ears.

    5. Ummm.....The New Light...for now...is that Romans 13 actually refers to the state government and not to Jehovah God and Jesus Christ. We know that because....ummm......oh screw it!

    6. Keep busy! Stay busy! Prove you are busy!

    7.Okay, we need money. To get money (for Jehovah's work, of course) we are now prepared to hint and insinuate when Armageddon will happen and THIS TIME we will be 100% accurate. See our chronology prepared by the anonymous bible scholar X? (Pay no attention to that Freddy Franz behind the curtain at night classes in city college.) The date is 1975.

    8.We really mean it.

    9.It's gonna come. Be ready. Sell your houses, quit your jobs and Pioneer!!!!!

    10. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............We were really eager about this and you guys ran ahead of us and ASSUMED something that didn't happen. SHAME ON YOU!

    11. Get busy! We are watching everything you do. It isn't US that has the problem you doubting Thomases! It is YOU! Tow the line. March in step or we'll put your name on Abaddon's list of "goats to smash at Armageddon".

    12. Armageddon is still coming. We know this because we are the only religion on earth that has a 100% record when it comes to Bible Prophecy. (100% eager if not competely in alignment with demonstrable occurance.)

    All those Internet rumors about 607 B.C.E. not being a true starting point for figuring the year 1914 are meaningless. Why? Because they contradict god's true religion: Jehovah's Witnesses. How do we prove that? Easy.

    We are Jehovah's Faithful and Discreet Slave. We know that because we predicted that 1914 was an important date. Well, dammit, 1914 WAS an important date. We got that part right.

    Therefore, everything else we have ever said doesn't matter because we got one little part of 1914 right. See, smartass?

    If 607 B.C.E. is not a real date....then HOW did we get that one little part of 1914 right? Huh, huh? Well? Huh?

    Our famous "NEW LIGHT" proves we are fearless when it comes to revealing the mind of Jehovah and this fearlessness is evident by our never being sorry when we are utterly wrong. Sure it SEEMS like we are false prophets bringing shame on the name of Jehovah because we publish our human opinion and pass it off as Truth-----but, that isn't important!! Here is the only important thing: APOSTATES are spreading tales in attacking the Governing Body. This proves they are siding with Satan. How? They oppose us. Simple.

    And, last but not least.....

    Whatever we say you have to do even if what we ask you to do is wrong. Why? Because it proves you are mild tempered and obedient. Only a person who thinks for themselves would dream of going against us. And that would prove they were Apostate. And, um, evil.

    So, 1914 is a very important date because:

    1.We say so.

    2.We always said so; even when we were wrong about most of it.

    3.We can only be the Faithful and Discreet Slave if 1914 is true. So, man, it GOTTA be true.

    4.For 1914 to be true; 607 B.C.E. has to be true. If it is wrong it is only because it looks wrong and cannot be proved----and not because it is actually wrong.

    5.Stop asking about it!! You are really pissing us off.

    6. MILLIONS NOW DYING WILL NEVER LIVE!

    End of discussion.

    Coming soon: Armageddon (we are eagerly optimistic and accurate).

  • acolytes
    acolytes

    Hi Terry Although still incomplete it was a remarkable list of "Watchtower Assurances and Re-Re-Reassurances. However most witnesses today confronted with that list will not be effected. The assurances were written in the past and in the mane wont effect the heart and mind of "The current generation" Witnesses are not interested in a clear-eyed autobiographical analysis of their history- Acolytes

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze

    Oh sure. It seems silly the way you explain it.

  • dinah
    dinah

    That gave me a laugh.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    If I get into a convo. with a JW that I care to discuss any of this with:

    "So is this it? Is this what we can plan for- the overlap generation of anointed today who had been born before the anointed alive in 1914 all passed away will definitely be alive when the great tribulation starts? So what age is that? Is the youngest member of this group possibly 10 years old right now? Younger? So what does that mean? We know that the 2000 generation will not pass away before all these things occur?"

    In 2010, this is what the group that will not pass away looks like (remove the teacher):

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    LOL @ keyser soze!

    Remember that brief delay before Armageddon?

    Still Waiting

  • blondie
    blondie

    Is the WTS sure they have the "great tribulation" doctrine right now considering they once taught it began in 1914 C.E and was temporarily interrupted in 1918 C.E?

    *** w61 11/1 p. 671 Questions From Readers ***
    The fulfillment of divine prophecy indicates that the last way is the one by which the "great tribulation" is cut short. According to the Bible, A.D. 1914 is a fixed date. It was fixed for the ending of the "appointed times of the nations" and for the birth of God's Messianic kingdom in the heavens. (Luke 21:24; Rev. 12:1-5) The birth of the Kingdom in the heavens meant the start of the war in heaven against the Devil and his unholy angels up there. By this war in heaven against the Devil's invisible organization the "great tribulation" began. Of course, it had its effects upon the visible part of Satan's organization here on earth. The war resulted in ousting the Devil and his demons from heaven and confining their area of activity to this earth. Their keeping active about the earth was not prevented, for the Devil and his demons were not abyssed on being confined to this earth. (Rev. 12:6-17)
    Thus for the time being the great tribulation upon Satan's organization was interrupted or discontinued. Evidently that occurred by A.D. 1918.

  • sd-7
    sd-7

    Remember how it was suggested that the immortality of the soul was just another version of Satan's lie in the Garden of Eden? "You positively will not die"? Maybe we had it all mixed up, because after all, "Millions Now Living WILL NEVER DIE". Wonder who we blame for that lie? Wonder where it came from? Boggles the mind.

    Someone said something brilliant here awhile ago, that the Society likes to argue from its position of authority rather than on the strength of their evidence. That sums it up quite well.

  • Terry
    Terry

    ....and I thought a GENERATION in the Bible was 40 years!

  • Quentin
    Quentin

    Well done "quick" wt history...witnesses in the plural won't get, nor accept what you have said. But, that lone jw out there who knows somethings not right will read this and , GASP, start thinking for themselves....

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