I remember the day that desert storm started in 1991. I really thought it was the beginning of the end, the fear was so bad that I felt like I had a knot in my stomach. I was actually sick. Of course I ran back to the KH but never got reinstated. I never returned because I always felt I was not good enough and I'd die anyway. They made me believe I was a bad person, which I'm not.
Now, I don't feel god would kill me if the big A arrived, so I don't fear that anymore.