BTW, Welcome Betheldumbass, I would love to hear your story.
Funniest Talk or Weird Things That Happened In Your Hall.
by Nephilim 27 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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not bitter
I was very young so don't remember all the detail but my brother who must have been aged 19 or 20, not and MS or anything came running from the back of the hall wearing a long blonde wig and jumped onto the platform and gave a talk about Samson. It made everyone laugh. I don't know if he got into trouble for it. It was 20 odd years ago. Brilliant though
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Azazel
One of my uncles who was a school teacher and elder did this once while giving a public talk. He had a small box on the lecturn which he opened early in the talk and took out an egg. He would take it out of the box everyso often then place it back. His talk concluded and he never mentioned the egg but he said everyone looked and listened to his talk! lol
Az
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Gojira_101
I remember there was a brother who had a hard time speaking on stage...I do have to mention if you just talked to him he always pronounced words just fine but when he was on state you would crap yourself sometimes at the things he would say.
I can't remember the topic of the talks but his illustrations would go like this..."You know those maggots in the trees?" WTF? Maggots in the trees. We all just looked at each other and to this day we have no idea what the heck he was trying to say.
Same brother, "you know those octopuses they grab you with their testicles.... and they hold you tight with their testicles....having their testicles all over you" I think he was comparing Satan to an octopus. I remember several people around me were having to hold back the laughter. I was laughing out loud, I just couldn't hold it back!
Another brother giving a Sunday talk, it was about keeping your life simple or something like that...so he was bragging that his 70's style suit (this was later 90's when he was giving this talk) was just as good as the day he bought it so why should you brothers buy new suits every year...then he went on to talk about the sisters buying new clothes and he then points to his wife and says, "look at that nice dress she has on," everyone turns and looks at her, "she bought that at a thrift store." Well her dress was from the 60's or 70's and looked it. It was all worn out and really should have been thrown in the trash. Their kids were dressed the same way. Then he goes "brothers and sisters you don't need that expensive new crap!" He said crap from the platform and he actually said it 3 times, but I can't remember what he was talking about.
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Newly Enlightened
I guess we were just in one of those weird congregations that bizarre things were always going on....There was a brother that would give me the heebeejeebees. I'll call him WH. Then we found out that before he became a JW he did drugs and his brain was fried. He made silver & turquoise jewelry and had a shop in a nearby tourist town. So hubby asked him for a little bit of silver solder and WH gave him some in a plastic prescription bottle. Hubby could not get this silver solder to work. No matter how much heat he used, it would not flux. So hubby threw the bottle in his tool box and forgot about it.
So in the meantime, one Thursday night WH comes running into the KH, out of breath and says "They're after me"! I looked outside and there was 2 cop cars parked out front....now don't get ahead of me... 2 elders were talking to the cops and told them that they could not come in and arrest anyone, making a scene and disrupting our meeting. So the cops left. This went on for about 2 weeks. The cops would sit in their cars down at the end of the KH driveway on the side of the highway. It finally stopped and WH disappeared. A week or 2 later we saw in the newspaper where WH was arrested for 'dealing Meth'. The entire cong. was shocked.
Several years later when we were moving to the midwest we came across that little bottle of silver solder. We opened it up and it was yellowish crystals. The weirdest solder we had ever seen. I smelled it and there was a chlorine smell. Holy crap! It was crystal Meth! We got rid of that so fast!
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Newly Enlightened
Good post Sweetie, I had forgotten about that guy, but just want to add something to my daughter Gojira's post above, about that elder that was stuck in the 70's. I remember kids in the audience turning to their parents after he had said 'Crap' and asking them if they could now say crap.
He also stated that large congregation anniversary parties were wrong. Which ironically, we had just thrown our PO/COBE and his wife their 50 th wedding party at a rented hall the previous weekend. Right after the meeting, the visiting speaker was hauled in the back room with 3 of the elders. Hubby was serving as an MS at the time and asked the PO what was going to be done about this because what that brother said was not right. PO told him what had happened afterwards and that they even called that brother's congregation Elder's and told them how wrong he had been and that they didn't want him here again. The following Thurs night our PO, got up and gave a local needs talk and disputed publically what that visiting elder had said. That brother was never invited to give another talk in our hall again.
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Newly Enlightened
But the MOST BIZARRE thing, didn't happen inside the kingdom hall but at a sister's house. I got invited to a baby shower for her horse. Yes, I said horse. I didn't go because it was just too weird for my taste, plus I was working.
My mom & mother in law went and was raving at how much fun it was, until the whackadoodle horse sister said she had a video of the baby being born. Which wasn't too bad, but the video started with her horses doing the nasty! Yep, she took video of the conception also! OMG!
I was so glad I didn't go. They even gave horse gifts.
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BU2B
We have had some pretty crazy talks at the CA about dress. One brother went on and on about cleavage and gave the dictionary definition. He said it is wrong for anyone to see the "space between a womans breast" you could see everyones discomfort. Another time the CO says that some sisters wear BOW WOW dresses. They may look modest from the front but when she BOWS all the brothers say WOW. Too wierd to hear this be said in front of 1000 people.
What takes the cake is at a WT a few years back where porneia was mentioned and it went into detail about what constituted porneia for an unmarried couple, listing oral, anal, masturbation, etc. The conductor wasnt the most educated and was a poor reader and writer. He asked as a supplementary question, "so what is this anal?" But he pronounced it annaaaaallll! You could hear a pin drop! No one raised their hand for what seemed like eternity, and guess who, my own MOTHER raised her hand! I cant remember what was said but she defined it. I and most others there were soooo embarassed. I dont know the reason for the question but it was just tooo weird!