Tribute to my JW mother.

Aussie Oz

Having read a lot of threads on how difficult it can be to deal with parents who cannot understand why a child leaves the JW's etc, i decided to post about my mother...

Mum joined the JW's in the early 70's. She had 3 children, about 8,10 and 12. After divorce and remarriage she had two more (twins) when i was 15ish. We three first children all left home, older brother d/f first, younger sister d/a years later and i left my wife and was d/f too. The twins never got baptised, one marrying an 'unbeliever' the other a witness girl (not baptised).

I cant vouch for my siblings journey but i suspect it was similar to my own.

I can't remember mums reaction to me telling her about my leaving my wife. I do know she didn't really take to her daughter in law but never told me until then! My mum was never a meddler. When i told her that i was disfellowshipped she was a little upset, but told me that we each had our own journey in life. I seldom spoke with her as she lived thousands of kilometers away, but for occasional phone calls. Some 5 years past before i saw her again at my d/a sisters remarriage to a 'worldly man'. It was the first time in over 40 years that grandma, mum and us kids were all together. (we are spread all over australia gran in the U.K)

I gave my mum a teary hug at the wedding and told her how much i loved her and i was sorry for the pain she must feel about my leaving the witnesses, but i was the happiest i have been in years. She hugged me hard, looked into my eyes and said "all i ever wanted was for my children to be happy".

About 2 or 3 years ago i took my girlfriend out to her home in country Queensland and we spent the night. (i told mum we would sleep seperatly, not her ask us to) Not once was religion raised, not once did she talk to my gal about it. Last year we returned as husband and wife, stayed over again and mum even confided some personal things to my new wife!. not once was religion mentioned again. We are set to return for a longer visit with mum this year. She wants us to stay longer.

Mum is remarried for a third time to a man who faded long ago. Life is not easy for her, she is lonely and isolated. She is in her early 70s and tired. She has pretty good health but would ready to die... she is ready for the 'new system'.

I love my mum and have too much respect for her to introduce the things i have learnt on here. My mother has lived a very faithful JW life for almost 40 years, did the best she knew how to raise 3 kids on her own, finding us a step dad. Never has she asked the reasons behind my divorce and d/fing, never asked why i did not return. Never critisized my life choices. I simply do not have the heart to destroy her faith. It is all she has. Perhaps she has doubts, i do not know.

I feel bad for those of you with hardcase mothers and fathers, those who suffered abuse and those who's parents were mentally unbalanced in their upbringing. I just wanted to let people know that they are not all like that!

I still consider my mum to be the only sane JW i know.

Mickey mouse

Your mum is a gem.

alanv

You're mum sounds a great woman, she realizes I think that she may or may not be right in what she believes. There are others like her. My mother in law never said anything negative to me when I faded. Unfortunately they are not in the majority. Most take the hard line the society preaches and cut themselves off from the one leaving.

goldensky

Dear Aussie Oz, I wish all witnesses had that exemplary attitude. Congratulations! No wonder you love her so much. She deserves it.

Heaven

Aussie Oz.... I'm glad your Mom isn't a hard liner. Her statement to you about wanting her children to be happy shows she loves you. I've come to understand that religion and politics are 2 things that, when you don't agree, can tear a family apart. It is best to leave these subjects alone in this situation.

My Mom was pretty cool when I was growing up. I described her as one of my best friends back then. It was a slow progression over time with her JW association and reading WTS literature as well as the unresolved issues between her and my Father that created such a disabled person. I saw first-hand how "Headship" just doesn't work. It broke my heart to see her so depressed and beaten down emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and eventually, physically. We all have choices to make in life and what we focus on, comes into our lives. Make positive, joyful choices and reject those that do not support human fulfillment, purpose, and principles.

aligot ripounsous

Aussie, that's a very moving homage you are paying to your Mum, comes out from the heart. I wish you be able to open up and tell her. When I got married, I was thousands miles away from my non JW parents and I took this opportunity to write them a letter to thank them for what they had done for us, their children, I think they appreciated it. Out of decency, one often assumes that it goes without saying but it goes even better with saying it.

crapola

That was a very touching story. Please be thankful for her. She sounds the way I wish my mom would be.

OnTheWayOut

That's a nice tribute. It would be great if you could share it with her, even greater if you could share your journey with her.
I am almost finished with the first draft of my autobiography. I think it's worthy of publishing, but it would just tear my mother apart.
I have a good relationship with her now, despite my fading away and clearly not wanting to go back (something she's not fully accepting yet).
Still, I will pursue publishing under an anonomous name.

It's not wrong to share information with firm believers, but I know what you mean: "...too much respect for her to introduce the things i have learnt on here."
After all the concessions she has made, it would be harsh to throw the problems of her religion in her face. Afterall, she didn't shun you.

garyneal

I think we can add my mother-in-law to the list of reasonable JW's. She knows I don't agree with the religion and she and her husband were estatic when they saw their daughter, my wife, get baptised yesterday. But throughout the years, she has been at least somewhat reasonable with those who disagree. Including my sister-in-law who is thankfully still out.

JAFO

Aussie, thanks for that.. you put it better than I could have, for sure. I hope next time you and your lovely wife are there, you can tell her some of the details of your journey. For the benefit of those who don't know, I'm the older brother Aussie mentioned, and I have to say my experience was much like his.

When circumstances forced me to return home for a couple of months in my mid 20's to rebuild my life, after some things had gone wrong, mum never hesitated to take me in. When I offered an explanation for why I left the witnesses and gave her an overview of my current beliefs, she never judged or critisised me in the slightest. When the Elder son of her second husbands first marriage threatened to cause trouble for her, because of me living under her roof, mum never wavered. To her, the welfare of her children came first. I left soon afterwards because I didn't want to make things difficult for her, but heaven help that SOB if I ever meet him again..

On every occasion since that I've caught up with mum, my reception has been warm and loving. We can talk openly about absolutely anything. Reading the experiences of others here makes me appreciate what a wonderful mother I have, and what a rarity she is in the witnesses. All 5 of us kids would love nothing more than to see her freed from this cult, but we agree that, at her age, it would not be fair, or kind, to destroy her faith in the one thing that has sustained her through so many hard times. If she ever indicates that she doubts that it's 'the truth', that would be different, but for now, she deserves to have some peace and equanimity in her life.

As Aussie said, mum is the only sane JW I've ever known.. and I love her very much.

Tribute to my JW mother.

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