Airing WT dirty laundry on shunning-need help

by fleshyheadedmutant 20 Replies latest watchtower scandals

• 

  fleshyheadedmutant

  I am Quandry. I have been here since 1996, but can only post under my husband's name. But that is not important.

  My daughter has been df'd for five years, since she was sixteen. In all that time, not one elder (or anyone else) has tried to contact her to say that they care whether she is alive or dead. We, as her parents, had told them in no uncertain terms that we did not like the way she was treated. They lied, accused her of things she didn't do, berated her, humiliated her, etc. For this, we are deemed "dangerous" and informally shunned as well. There have even been talks given alluding to us...I guess we're semi-famous. My husband was a well-liked elder for twenty years.

  At first, when all this happened, we were so disillutioned and heartbroken that we drew the drapes and could not go outside alone.

  The WTS counts on silence. They don't want "reproach on Jehovah's name" when in fact, they want to preserve their image.

  I have an opportunity to speak to a small group of women Tuesday night. I will share my story with them. Here is where the help comes in:

  Please take this opportunity to give me two or three sentences about what shunning has done to you. I wish to compile some "true-life" examples, and will distribute them along with quotes from the WT on different subjects such as what they really think of worldly people (that they will be destroyed at the big A) along with the blood stance, generation, and shunning.

  I will see how this goes, and if I can emotionally stand it. If so, I may have occasion to speak again to an even larger group.

  Thanks for your help.

  (Also, if there are any quotes from the WT you feel will be helpful, please add those. I looked on JW facts.com, as I don't have any literature any more. I burned out a shredder getting rid of them, but wish I had them now, as they would be helpful in gathering information)
• 

  nugget

  As I am a fader I can't speak yet about what it is like to be shunned. All I can say is that it is a terrible instruction I have been in the position when I had to choose between my humanity and my religon I chose to greet the person and felt unbelievable guilt for decades. It's the whole thing about being a sharer in their sins, how can saying hello to someone make you a fornicating, drunk? The law makes no sense and serves as a way of controlling members in the group turning ex members into the walking dead.

  Good luck to you, I am sure your personal testimony will get your audience thinking.
• 

  Adiva

  I suppose I'm one of the more 'fortunate' ones in that my JW family members don't completely shun me. I'm sure they would say that they have a good relationship with me but I'd only count it as fair. How good can the relationship be if it's superficial; conversations with them based on the trivial, e.g., how's your daughter/husband/mother-in-law? I would love to share with them details of my life but it's too hard when I have to tiptoe around their beliefs. Can't talk about holidays, politics and current events. I visit them pretty regularly, bring groceries and cook for them but, I cannot eat with them. They've never visited me in the nearly 20 years I've lived in our condo (unless you want to count the time my my mom and sister showed up for all of 45 minutes to see how I was after my hysterectomy and that was more than 10 years ago).

  As more people comment you'll probably see that there are varying degrees of shunning but, no matter to what degree it's done, it's still very hurtful.
• 

  fleshyheadedmutant

  Thanks so much, and welcome, Adiva.

  Do you honestly mean that you cook a meal and then stand by the table as they eat? Or must you sit somewhere else...or wait until they are through? Does your sister care for them as well?
• 

  fleshyheadedmutant

  AAAAKKK I need more help!!!
• 

  MochaLatte

  I am disfellowshipped. I come from a family of very loyal JWs so I didn't cultivate relationships outside of the organization and my family is very obedient about not speaking to me. This is probably the "perfect storm" type situation of silence and loneliness that they hope shunning will bring about. This has created quite a vacuum in my life. I have done well with being able to function fairly well about 90 percent of the time, (I've been DF'd for about 5 years now so I've been rebuilding my network of friends and non-JW relatives) but the other 10 percent of the time I feel like there is a hole in my heart that will never fully mend. I feel trapped in an unfair situation where I've lost too much whether I stay out or go back. If it were not for my spouse and the friends and family connections I have left and the new ones I've made, I could easily fall into hopelessness and suicidal depression. I'm glad with time I'm learning how to cope with it, but as it stands now, for me, it doesn't feel like the effects will ever go away.

  I hope this helps.
• 

  etna

  My wife was disfellowshiped for about a year and went to the meetings by herself because she was shunned by her 2 children that were JWs. The kids are 28 and 24 years old. We only have been married for 18 months. She got reinstated and the elders said they would arrange for a study for her, but since she got reinstated 4 months ago, she has only been to 2 meetings and still no one encouraged her. I'm glad, because I don't think she'll go back now. She hasn't even had a phone call. (I guess they are still shunning her).

  Etna
• 

  carla

  Thanks for sharing your experience and that of others with your group. Most people are not aware of the extreme shunning within the jw's. Have you looked in the 'best of' section of this site? Googled jw's & shunning? Good luck!
• 

  lisavegas420

  I like the idea of sharing your experience with others. I love the fact that you stood behind your daughter. I wish my mom could have done that. I haven't seen her in over 12 years.

  About the shunning...For the longest time, I felt like if the people that were supposed to love me, (my parents, siblings, the people that watched me grow up your entire life) could suddenly shun me and stop loving me, turn their backs when they saw me in public.... how could I possibly expect any one else to love me?

  lisa
• 

  Terry

  The identifying characteristic of True Christianity is that they have LOVE among themselves.

  This LOVE comes at a heavy price. Instead of a refuge for sinners like a hospital for the hurting and wounded, the Kingdom Hall

  is a courtroom of accusers and prosecuting attorneys.

  You aren't loved; you are scrutinized.

  Your aren't a person; you are series of behaviors constantly weighed and measured by industrial standards.

  From the moment you are baptised you are on a conveyor belt in a Watchtower factory with inspectors prodding and testing you for

  suitability, durability and flaws.

  In your moment of need and personal crisis you turn to your "friends", spiritual brothers and sisters and your leaders who are "spirit-directed" and the response is a cold finger of admonition, warning and distrust wagging in your face.

  Nowhere....NOWHERE in this religious Organization is JESUS reflected or imitated in any way. For Jesus was a shepherd who would leave the 99 sheep who were doing just fine and GO OUT AFTER the one who strayed to tenderly bring them back with care and compassion.

  This compassion is absent because there is no spirit of God leading them. It is a business with a bottom line and nothing more. You are given verbal warnings followed by a pink slip of disfellowshippment if you don't meet standards.