Looking back I was very desperate, lost and alone.
I rushed through many things because of this.....(faking it til I made it....but I lost out on the 'experiences')
Sure I survived my childhood of isolation and abuse, I had my eternal optimism, but I had no true direction that wasn't constant fodder for 'local needs' which ripped my inner-well-guarded self-esteem to shreds (read I went to college) and trusted no one to help me..... I felt it was me against th world.
I kept my head above waters but that doesn't mean I didn't slip between the cracks.
Wanting to be accepted and loved was a strong distraction.
I really would have benefitted if I had 'permission' to do great things, had a mentor to help discern paths and give encouragement/emotional support/ strenghten self-esteem, and introduced to new social networks......
In today's world I could sum it all up with needing an apostate big brother/sister who called 'bullsh*t' , showed me the 'truth about the troof' and told me to value myself, education and future! That valuing those things wasn't pleasing the WTS/JWs but by making the world a better place by keeping myself out of poverty, emotional distress, and giving/helping others to better themselves too!.....
Go forth, be bold, be kind, pray and serve the Lord in ways that make him proud!
