Most of you know that my husband (iron hill) and I have been trying to do the fade from the witnesses....Here's the update! My husband's ex wife who is disfellowshipped decides all of a sudden that she wants to get reinstated - i guess cuz we decided not to go anymore - and the guilt of their daughters dying in Armageddon is killing her. But anyway, she asked us if we would be ok with her coming and taking the girls to the meetings on the weekends that are ours.....my husband denied. So she threatens us with "I'm gonna tell the elders why my daughters aren't with me at every weekend and that you don't allow it". That pissed me off. Why did she feel the need to give the information? My husband says is her only threat against us. Which I think is ridiculous. Well anyway we decide that we should make the decision to leave the organization on our terms. So we write a dissacioation letter and also a letter to each of our parents explaining the decision we have made.
I have a few issues with the way things have to be done. First of all, i don't agree with the fact that the announcement made in the cong is the same announcement for disfellowshipping. they don't state is was a personal decision they just make it seem to whomever hears it that we did something wrong. Which I'm totally against because that way they are forcing our families to stop contact with us. Anyway, so I gave my parents the letter. My father the elder wasn't happy at all and is not really speaking to me - but he'll get over it. My mother understands my decision and while she's hurt and doesn't agree she assures me there will still be contact with me. I also spoke privately to my brother and sister and explained it to them and while I thought they would be upset and not talk to me, they surprisingly understood and said that we are always family. I was relieved. I know I will loose all my witness friends - which I don't agree with either - but it is what it is and they have to make their own decisions.
My husband's family was not so understanding - which hurts. His brother did understand but his mother said some really selfish things to him. She said things would be different because love to Jehovah is above everything. But what about your son? Isnt he worth more? She also said she can't do anything for the "fall and end of his life and the woman you call your wife". Again, I'm upset because I was a good wife and now because I don't want to be a witness I'm not worthy of being a wife. Plus they blame the fact that he didn't return to the meetings on me.
Here's the good part. We decided that we would turn in our disassociation letter this past weekend. But again wanted to make sure we talked to our families prior to. So we did. But on Friday night when my husband talked to his brother his brother said he knew something was going on because the elders had a judicial committee set up for us. Now my husband and his brother talked in private but when he came up he was upset and the first words were "I'm glad we are doing the letter because the elders have a judicial committee and they are going to disfellowship us in absence". Ok, so now I'm shocked to hear this. Apparently my husband's ex wife told the elders from her congregation EVERYTHING we did in hiding. The smoking, the holidays, the not going to the meetings.....EVERYTHING. So their elders called our elders and apparently a committee was formed. They said they supposedly contacted us and we didnt respond and told my brother in law to let us know of their decision. I have a few issues with this - and honestly as most of you know I still had reservations with making our exit public but this just did it for me.
First of all, if all you have is what his ex wife said - that hearsay. You need proof and she doesn't have it. Secondly, she is supposed to come to us and tell us that she will talk to the elders and give US time to decide. If we don't talk to the elders then she has to come with a witness or second party - which she never did. Then the elders are supposed to contact us. They never called my husband or myself. I guess they assumed that since my husband ignored their calls before, that we would do it again. But here's the thing, they have my number too - so if he didnt answer they should have tried to call me. They should have tried to come by our house or something - it's not like we were in hiding. They know where we live. No attempts to contact us were made but yet they decided to take it upon themselves and form a judicial committee and disfellowship us based on hearsay from his ex-wife - who for all they know could just be trying to do things out of spite. They never investigated to make sure the allegations were true. I have a HUGE problem with that. How can they just do that? What makes them different that they don't have to follow their own rules?
Funny also that his ex-wife's brother in law is one of the elders from our congregation. My brother in law told my husband that him and his wife were trashing us and putting us down. Well, aren't things among elders supposed to be confidential? Why are you talking to your wife about it or even more our families about it?
Anyway, we did turn in the letter to the elders on Sat morning and a huge weight was lifted. I never thought I'd feel that way. What will come of our relationships with our families - i don't know. Will they stay true to their word?
Its funny we took steps to eliminate any witness contacts. We took all witness contacts off our facebook pages. I have this need to be socially active and that will probably be the toughest thing for me because I don't have any friends now and I am starting from scratch. I moved to a new state when i got married 6 months ago and honestly haven't met people here. So that will be a challenge for me. But all in all, I am glad we did things on our own terms and that his ex-wife didnt get the satisfaction she wanted.
But what does still bother me is the way the elders treated this case.....it was unjust and it was because of their own personal feelings to the fact that we became inactive witnesses. That's just wrong to me. So if anything gave me the push that I needed - this was it.
Sorry for ranting, I just needed to talk about it with people that would understand and maybe feel the same way or have gone through something similar. Thanks for listening.