Cadellin Gets Confronted by Parents

by Cadellin 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Cadellin
    Cadellin

    Well, I knew it was only a matter of time before my parents confronted me on my "loss of spirituality" (their term). I love them dearly and would rather cut off an arm than hurt them, so I was hoping (naively) that my so far successful fade might escape their notice. We live about an hour apart so my lack of theocratic activity would go unnoticed. Okay, I'm a coward, too; that played into it.

    I'd had a discussion w/my mother about 2 years ago so she was aware of my doubts, but it came to a head this morning. They showed up at my door (after calling me the day before to let me know they'd be by) and, once we were all seated, wanted to know what was going on. Now, let me say that they're both in their mid 70's and extremely zealous--they live and breath by the Society. Well, what could I do? I was as honest as I could be, letting them know the basis of my doubts, the problems with the Creation book, the misrepresentations about the nature of evolution, the baseless claims for the last days, the failed predictions. And it was basically pointless; my dad, who did most of the talking, just kept coming back to "but this is God's organization" and how wonderful and amazing and truthful it was. Oh, and that the Society DOES apologize when it gets something wrong. He didn't address any of my specifics (and honestly, I didn't expect him to) except to say that evolution was a dogma perpertrated by scientists that had a vested interest in keeping the system intact or something of that nature. It's amazing how someone as intelligent as my dad, who loves science, can literally banish an entire field (biology) as entirely misguided and just waiting for some mysterious, inevitable, panacaeic discovery that will turn the entire discipline on its head and prove that humanity was an act of special creation 6,000 years ago.

    After that, I just let my dad talk because I love him anyway. He talked for close to 2 hours. My mom said a couple of times, "But can't you just put all your doubts on a shelf, wait for Jehovah to correct them and get on with the preaching work?"

    I don't know what's going to happen. At one point, my dad made an allusion to how our actions affect others, including our family, even to the point of continued assocation. I knew what he was intimating and I said, rather adamantly, "I want to be perfectly clear: I haven't DONE anything and I don't SAY anything about any of this to ANYBODY. I don't want to be accused of "teaching falsehoods!" He backed down at that point and admitted that I hadn't and that he wasn't going to repeat any of our conversation to anybody.

    Still, there's nothing like the feel of a sword over your head...Damn it, I hate this! There's more but I don't feel like typing right now; I'm feeling a little sick. My fade was going so well, too.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Sorry to hear about your fade glitch. It's hard, I know. I have no real advice but know this: you're not alone and many of us are in this together, rooting for you and each other.

  • Cadellin
    Cadellin

    Thank you, Mad. I needed to hear that.

    Side point: Are you the leprauchan from Gaiman's American Gods?

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Are you the leprauchan from Gaiman's American Gods?

    Yes I am, only shorter.

  • wobble
    wobble

    Dear Cadellin,

    I am sure your parents love you , and want what is best for you. They would not have bothered with the visit otherwise.

    Of course, they will not see the truth about the WT/JW teachings and religion, they cannot. I do not think your fade is imperilled, they seem like my family, trying any method to get you back, so that they can relax ,because their loving god won't zap you at the Big A if you are back preaching.

    There is a little element of selfishness there, if you think about it, your position worries them, they want the worry gone, it does not matter if your position is right or wrong.

    Just be happy that they love you , be there for them, they are the ones heading for disappointment, not you.

    Love

    Wobble

  • palmtree67
    palmtree67

    Sorry, Cadellin.....it's sucky.

    It sounds like they really love you, though.

    Hang tough, girl!

  • LittleSister
    LittleSister

    Oh Cadellin I am sorry things have gone awry, my parents are also in their 70s too, but only my mum is a JW.

    I hear the waiting on Jehovah comment on a regular basis plus the Jehovah will sort things out. The trouble is they really believe it and no amount of reasoning is going to make them change. Things will probably be a bit uncomfortable for a while, but we are all here for you.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    I know how you feel, it's hard to head off these conversations.

    If I'm cornered I intend to ask my parents what they prefer: I disassociate or keep te status quo and we come to an understanding. I think when push comes to shove even the most die hard JWs don't want to be forced to shun their family.

  • besty
    besty

    this thread was made for you yesterday :-(

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/private/190617/1/Fading-advice-a-non-DAing-leave-us-alone-letter

    Faders should realize that sharing doubts with family and friends will get them DF'd quicker than almost anything else. Or at least informally shunned by true believers. Any Jehovah's Witness relationship you think you have is conditional, and you just violated the conditions.

    When they know you are not going back they will actively encourage and pressure you to express the reasons. Why? Because then they can assign you to a category, put a label on the box and package you up neatly in the box marked "Dangerous apostate, avoid at all costs!" This enables them to avoid confronting the possibility that it is in fact them who may be wrong.

    If you refuse to express the reasons the discomfiture will kill them and they will probably wind down the relationship in any case. It is all your fault, not theirs. You be honest with them and they shun you. Nice. Complete lose-lose for you I'm afraid.

    I've been down that road, along with hundreds of thousands of other ex-JW's. The religion destroys families and you have just become todays latest victim - 7,300,000 JW's with 1% per annum DF'd (who knows how many faders) = 200 families PER DAY wrecked by this cult. Welcome to the rest of your life.

  • Cadellin
    Cadellin

    Wobble and Palm: yes, you're totally right; they do love me and I understand their motivation totally. Thank you for your comfort; it helps TREMENDOUSLY to know I'm not alone.

    Little sister: Yup, you're right as well--I could see the cult mentality kick in, honestly! And they both just glided over my explanation as if it were insubstantive. Thank you for being here.

    Mickey Mouse: I'm not completely sure about that. I think its probably true with most but the ultra-zealous? I tried to slide around any ultimatums--and my dad did, at one point, as "Do you believe the Bible is the Word of God?" I'd been pretty honest up to then but at that point I felt the irresistible need to throw them a bone (okay, I hate that expression but it works) and so I said, "Well, I think so.." Damn it! Yup, I LIED. Just to make them feel a little better.

    Besty: I appreciate you sharing that with me. Doesn't make me feel any better... It's really a no-win situation, as you point out. I was really DUMB to think I could find my way around it.

    Thank you all; You mean more to me than you know. Mad, can you do me a coin trick????

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