Cadellin Gets Confronted by Parents

by Cadellin 18 Replies latest jw experiences

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  nugget

  And things were going so well. It is hard espeacially in this situation, you didn't want to hear what they had to say and they weren't listening to you either. It is incredibly difficult and it is unlikely that you will get your point across effectively. They have invested so much of their life and hopes into the society and placed so much trust in them it is unlikely that they can be persuaded to your point of view.

  I find it helpful in any situation like this to reassure the other party of my love and respect. I tell them that I am currently struggling with doubts but feel that Jehovah will give me the time I need to sort them out. If they come up with a criticism then repeat it back, e.g. "I think you should wait on Jehovah to sort things out," respond with "I know that you believe that Jehovah will sort this out in his own time so in the meantime I have to deal with this the best way I can."

  You can always acknowledge any expressed feelings without taking responsibility for them. E.g. I am sorry if you feel hurt, disappointed, confused etc. People's feelings are their own but by acknowledging how they feel it can stop things escalating.

  If they arrange to come again focus on what you can say rather than what would incriminate you as a raging apostate. This is damage control rather than conversion so don't be led into a doctrinal discussion if you feel they are not listening.

  Don't feel bad about lying after all the society has been lying to you for years and hasn't batted an eyelid once. They are so good at it your Dad believes the lies too.

  Good luck and I am truly sorry things went a bit pear shaped for you.
• 

  Cadellin

  Thanks, nugget. I think damage control is all that's left to me right now. I could never change them, nor would I even try. They have given their lives to this org In all fairness, they're both very happy and claim they wouldn't change a thing. Sigh.
• 

  besty

  what Nugget said - wished I'd had that wisdom when my little 3 part tragedy played out.....
• 

  dissed

  I strongly feel there is about 7 million waiting on Jehovah to correct the WT's sinking ship. No one believes everything any more.

  The Question is, at what point, realizing its hopelessness, will they jump off the ship to save themselves and others?
• 

  sd-7

  Faders should realize that sharing doubts with family and friends will get them DF'd quicker than almost anything else. Or at least informally shunned by true believers. Any Jehovah's Witness relationship you think you have is conditional, and you just violated the conditions.

  Besty has spoken one of the besty-est truths I've heard about this issue. I can personally attest to that reality. At least your parents were more reasonable than my family was with me. Still, this is a situation that has played itself out thousands of times, apparently, and caused so much pain for so many good people.

  There are no honorable ways out if you've got family still in. Once you learn what's really going on, awareness of that, in my experience, seems to come automatically. Short of developing a serious multiple personality disorder, there's no way to just go along with it all.

  The thing that irks me with the "wait on Jehovah" concept--and my mom mocked my use of the word "concept" as if what we teach is not a concept. Does anyone have a vocabulary they don't learn from Watchtower articles?? Anyway, thing is, Jehovah doesn't have anything to do with false doctrine. He never authorized it. He was not involved in any of it, never has been, and he wouldn't put his spirit upon people who proclaimed falsehoods in his name--it's incompatible with his nature. So why would he step in and fix the problem? "Let those who are filthy be filthy still," as Revelation says. He can't be involved because so much of the false doctrine has been replaced by things that later 'turned out to be' false, too. Because they were falsehoods from the start.

  People who proclaim falsehood and accuse everyone who doesn't accept it of siding with Satan cannot have Jehovah's backing. If it doesn't work other religions, it can't work for JWs.

  But this is the territory you end up in once you violate the 'don't listen to apostates' rule. I suppose we probably all knew that when we started down this road. But that doesn't make it any easier.

  It's always heartbreaking to read stories so much like one's own. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Take one moment at a time. If you need to talk, PM me anytime.
• 

  Cadellin

  Thank you, sd-7, thank you all of you. You give good advice.
• 

  Diamonds

  Cadelline, thanks for sharing, i hope you take note of all the good advice given here and remember that many of us have been through what you are experiencing right now so can empathise totally. I hope you keep posting and telling us what's going on for you and how you are feeling - you might find that doing so can help considerably.

  Much love

  D.
• 

  Scott77

  Cadelin,

  Stay strong. Many of us have been through different situations before but look, we are now going on regardless. Iam grateful you stood your ground. The typical reactions of your parents are typical to many of those still deeply brainwashed by the borg. Please, keep reading many posts around, and see how others have been helped. Please, remember, never allow Stockholm Syndrom to stand your way. It almost griped within two months in after leaving the borg. However, subsequent behaviors of Elders, MS and many others helped me see beyond the life and other stuff as presented by borg.

  Scott77
• 

  wobble

  sd-7 underlined what is a huge problem for me, keeping my big mouth SHUT. The necessary dual personality.

  It goes against what I am to keep silent, it actually hurts me, and I feel it is a form of lying, but I do it, so that I am not DA'd or DF'd.

  Simply because my 90 year old Mum and all my family are in.

  I have decided that if I get a direct invite to the memorial this year I will lie, and say "Yea, thanks, I will see you there"

  None of this sits well with me, but I have to do it because this friggin Cult is such a looney tunes outfit , and so full of hate, that they cannot possibly give me the courtesy of having my family as normal family, no, they must control.

  I will do it for now, but one day the anger will spill over, and I will tell all who will listen the TRUTH about the JW's/WT.

  Keep strong dear Cadellin, remember that the fade is on your terms, all the while the WT cannot touch you, you are winning, and still have a chance to plant seeds in the mind of those you love.

  Love

  Wobble