The JW rollercoaster continues! If you still have to go to meetings, I sympathize with you. I know a few that keep up appearances so that they do not lose their loved family members. It's sad but true.
The reality of being a Jehovah's Witness means that you are NEVER going to satisfy the elders, the Governing Body, the "Faithful & Discreet Slave". If you give up a day to go out in service, why can't you give up 2 days for this "life saving work"? If you can be a Ministerial Servant, why can't you "reach out" and be an Elder too?
If you can retire and can become a full time Pioneer, why wouldn't you?
If you can sell your house and rent, why wouldn't you?
If you can "simplify" your life and stop going on vacations, buying new cars, enjoying a mortgaged home, and having plenty of money in your bank account, why wouldn't you?
Being in the Jehovah's Witness cult is an exercise in futility.