Why does Jehovah want to kill Daddy?

by BackRoomBilly 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • BackRoomBilly
    BackRoomBilly

    Hello to my fellow refugees,

    My name is Ryan and Im 38 years old. I was raised in the darkness (WTS) and have never-ever-ever taken a single sip of their cool-aid. My grandmother, rest her soul, found the WTS in the 50's and was a regular pioneer for most of her life. My mother is a jw and my older brother and one younger brother are also Joe-hobos. As a child I lived with my divorced mother and grand parents. All the Men in my family were not interested in the doomsday crap. My Mother moved us 600 miles away from my Father is Los Angeles when I was five. At that tender age my Grandma found it necessary to tell me that I shouldnt talk to my Dad when he called on the phone. She said that he didn't love Jehovah and that he was going to be killed by our loving God Jehovah any day now (1977). When I chose to talk to my Dad anyway, they served up plenty of guilt. This is what layed the foundation for my miserable life. In my five year old mind, I hated these people who were going to kill my Dad and I chose to fight them every step of the way.

    I was public enemy number one from 5 to 17. I got beat for not raising my hand and saying "Jehovah" into the microphone like a good little boy. I was the one who wouldn't join the ministry school. I stone faced the elders when taken to the back room with my Mom and Grandma. I hated sitting for the flag salute and not making little frosty the snowman and I let them all know it. As a teenager I was excluded from all the pop corn parties and softball games but the worldly girls sure thought I was cool.

    I watched my Grandpa shoot himself. My Grandma killed herself three years later with pills and wine. I have not spoken to my Mom and older brother in 10 years. I hated the WTS all because of what they told me when I was five. When I came on here and found out that it was all a lie and that everything that they did to me in the name of Jehovah was bullshit... I lost my flipping mind.

  • cameo-d
    cameo-d

    Your story leaves me breathless. You have certainly seen and been through a lot of tragedy. It is a wonder you didn't loose your flipping mind a long time ago. Miraculous the way you have held up until now. Now that you know it is a house of sand, perhaps you can find your mind and begin to build again. You are obviously a strong person to have held your own against the influence of the rest of your family.

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Welcome...love your screen name! How are you now?

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep
    I lost my flipping mind.

    Sounds to me like you are about to get it back.

    Welcome to the forum

    Cheers

    Chris

  • BackRoomBilly
    BackRoomBilly

    Thank you guys for the kind words and welcome. My wife has finally convinced me to get into some counseling. To answer your question truthfully, I am fair but hopefull. I have been supressing for a long time and have felt so alone. In the past I have tried to explain to a friend or my wife about how they treated me and I've just felt like they cant begin to understand. It was when I started reading on here and a few othe sites that I discovered I am not alone anymore. Less than an hour ago I had tears running down both cheeks but if felt so good. I look forward to being friends with all of you.

  • Life is now
    Life is now

    Hello and WELCOME

    WOW that's some story.

    I had a gutsy child like you. She kicked up merry hell as a small child at the meetings. Not as outrightly rebellious after that until in her early teens she started expressing doubts. Thank goodness she did. I have learnt a lot from her. She does have a love for God and did get baptized but won't attend meetings now because of the hypocrisy.

    You were wise then and I am sure you have the wisdom within you to deal with these mind-blowing revelations now. I am finding it a bumpy but fascinating ride.

    All the best to you.

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    Wow.

    Yes.

    Welcome. We're very glad you're here. This place is good for exorcising old demons of thought and emotion, too... but counseling is a great idea. A lot of therapists don't know how to deal with we ex-cult members... but we really do have a lot in common with survivors of any over-bearing, high-control, abusive relationship.

    Trust me on this... it gets better and easier.

    Love,
    Baba.

  • iknowall558
    iknowall558

    BackroomBilly My heart has just swelled for you. The WT really does have a lot to answer for. I really hope you get the help you need. I too am in the process of getting counselling. I am just waiting on word. I know I will get past all this, and you will too. Thanks for sharing and welcome to the board.

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    Welcome from Australia....and let the healing begin.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Hi and welcome. Don’t be scared to ask for help when you need it. We are all at different stages of leaving the Org and I’m sure you will be helped greatly here.

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