Did you feel alone amongst the great crowd of JW's?

highdose

Like there you were at an assembly maybe, everyone seems to be swarming with freinds, and you are the one left out unwanted and made to feel like you don't belong there?

rockmehardplace

yes, but only because now i realize i didnt belong there.

Yes, I often felt alone at the assemblies/conventions. Why did everyone else have close friends and I was always the outsider? Maybe because of my upbringing I learned to distance myself and not trust anyone. Or maybe it was because all along I never fit into the jw mold but didn't realized it until last year because of all the mind control.

troubled mind

yes all the time .....even talking with the so called friends at the time ...I still didn't like feel I belonged

miseryloveselders

All too often. At meetings anymore, I feel isolated. When the final amen is said, I'm making a bee line toward the lobby. Nights or days when I do the attendant thing in the lobby, I'm gone before anybody can even notice. I purposely volunteer for cleaning, or attendance, or contribution boxes, at conventions and assemblies so I can avoid heavy social interaction as I'll be too busy doing stuff. I usually stay at a hotel within walking distance of the convention site, so during lunch, I'll head back to my room, and spend my lunch there watching TV or reading the courtesy newspaper the hotel provides. At local circuit assemblies, I'll usually eat in the car. The last couple assemblies, during lunch I'd act as if I was going to my car to get lunch, then I'd hit the highway on my way home. The worst part about the whole thing is nobody has a clue as to my feelings toward it all. So when they clap, I clap. When they say, "only amongst Jehovah's people!" I nod my head in agreement and say, "that's right!" Meanwhile the whole time I flirting with going back to the hotel room and overdosing on Xanax. Its like being a Jew at a Klan rally.

daringhart13

While serving as an elder......I seemed to have lots of friends.

As soon as I stopped....so did all of my friendships. So did the invites. So did any phone calls.

I literally was a non-entity. Oh......accept for the other elders that wanted me to move to their hall to 'serve'

I even had one long time "friend" and fellow elder tell me that "without you my daughter wouldn't be in the Truth"......and then he proceeded to not invite me to her wedding because I was no longer an elder.

Yeah.....the love just flows.

Twitch

Yep

BluesBrother

misery and daringhart........You have my empathy since I have been there and done that too.

Of course there was a time when I felt at home among "Jehovah's People" and wanted none other. But times change , the worst was the in between time when I was a serving elder but had realised that I had to come off the body and I wanted stop it all completely. By then I really was a square peg in a round hole and I felt terrible. Nobody likes a hypocrite and that is what I felt I was.

Of course, like daringhart, they ignored me once I was no longer one of the team - still that was O K

misery said "Its like being a Jew at a Klan rally."

I know since I go along sometimes to help my wife, I cannot sing, the words would stick in my throat. I fumble for my bag when they applaud the speaker, I respect their prayers but do not join in. I place my bum on the seat for my own good reason, not to be a part of them anymore.. It gets easier and does not embarrass me at all now.

Girlie

yes and no different now that I am fading from it.

snowbird

I nod my head in agreement and say, "that's right!" Meanwhile the whole time I flirting with going back to the hotel room and overdosing on Xanax. Its like being a Jew at a Klan rally.

(((((((Misery)))))))

I do hope it will get better for you.

Sylvia