You've been made to feel as though there is no rewarding life outside of Jehovah's Witnesses.You've been told to give up everything for the New System and you'd be rewarded now and in the future, but it sounds like that's not happening for you, so you think it's your fault.
If someone tells you that over and over again for years and years, you tend to believe it.
But, it's pretty common to suffer from some form of anxiety if you're unhappy with an ongoing situation that you feel there is no escape from. I dealt with it for years. It's become a lot more managable since I don't associate with Witnesses anymore. I used to have constant anxiety attacks, and with counseling and some short term medication, I'm much much better even though my life isn't perfect and never will be.
I was never DF'd, I just quit going to meetings and participating in field service, then quit reading literature, and finally associating with Witnesses exclusively, and then when I moved to another state for unrelated reasons, I was able to really put it behind me.
Talking about yourself is not selfish, it's normal behavior, especially when you're invited to talk about yourself. One thing people are allowed to do here is talk about themselves and how they feel without being hushed or shamed.
Many people here will tell you that they've never been happier since leaving Jehovah's Witnesses, in spite of what you may have heard or been told. Life is never easy, no one is pretending that it is, but realize that anxiety and depression of various kinds are pretty common among Witnesses, even the ones who think they're doing great at it.
I went to a KH where I'd guess 90% of the Witnesses claimed some sort of depressive/anxiety disorder or health problems directly related to stress.
I kept wondering when that "spiritual paradise" that was supposedly so refreshing was going to kick in?
