feeling lousy

by poor places 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • poor places
    poor places

    Thanks, everyone. All of your comments are very much appreciated. It's hard for me to say anything because I feel as if everything has already been said on this site. But I might add that one of the hardest parts about disagreeing with some of the doctrines of this religion is that in doing so, you break the heart of people you care for if they find out what you think. And if you're born in the religion, you're dead meat if you stay around too long. You become too aware of the flaws in doctrine, too aware of the strange logic used to present these doctrines, too aware of your own hypocrisy, too aware of the potential cost of your straying beliefs.

    It's also hard to have no one to blame. When you look at the organization in the big picture, I don't think that there are many people who are intentionally trying to mislead anyone. In a sense, everyone is innocent and everyone is guilty. Everyone who believes is forcing a way of life on others, yet they also think it is the best way of life for others. I believe that this is true of people in the organization from the bottom up. The real culprits are the founders of the religion, those who enforced rather bizarre doctrines on unsuspecting people from the start. Although in a sense the founders were also innocent, since they probably believed that what they said was for everyone's good.

    What I mean to say, then, is that the thing to blame is the desperate and yearning side of people. The side that needs to believe in things that may not be true. The same side that forces other people to believe the same things.

  • mindmelda
    mindmelda

    I agree, I don't know if there is any true conspiracy of "We know this is all total lies, but are teaching it anyway." going on with the rank and file. I have no idea if the FDS or the GB know if what they teach is true or not, but most of them are no doubt subject to the same brainwashing all Witnesses are, and have even more reason to dismiss anything to the contrary, seeing as they have even more at stake.

    I think most Witnesses are very convinced of what they believe in because they work hard to stay that way and when they do naturally and occasionally have doubts they're encouraged to rationalize them away and feel guilty because it's disloyal.

    I do think a lot more Witnesses have big doubts than they'd ever admit, which is why they're always huddling up to convince themselves yet again that they're special, that God loves them best and that everyone else is wrong, misled and to be either pitied or hated because they don't have "the truth".

    Keeping isolated is a big part of keeping those ideas in place...you never really get a chance to test and see if your villanizations of others is true or not, you can just keep assuming it's true by hearing what you want to hear, and seeing what you want to see.

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    poor places, when my folks used to get upset and try the guilt with the whole "you won't have everlasting life if you don't become a JW" tactic, I would remain calm and kindly say to them that they didn't have to worry... that Jehovah can read hearts. It used to calm them down. I used their own beliefs against their logic.

    Whenever they tried to use any sort of belief to sway me, I would kindly and calmly voice my thoughts. I would try to pick my approach so that I remained calm, rational, and logical. I would ask them questions that would make them think. It does work. Remove any of the emotions coming from them by not responding in like kind. When someone is hysterical, remain calm and quiet. Let their turmoil flow over and off of you. They will realize that it is they who are upset and not you when it's supposed to be the other way around. They usually calm down.

    Also, a suggestion if I may. Try to not feel badly for other people's decisions in life. If your family decides to feel bad for your life choices, then that is up to them. If you are not unhappy with your choices, then try and not let their feelings get to you.

    As for blame, I think you will find, in time, that this is really a waste of your time. Focus on trying to help others see the flaws in the organization. I think this is the best area to focus your energies.

  • poor places
    poor places

    Heaven,

    I agree 100% that the only way to approach relatives with differing religious viewpoints is calmly and rationally. As for their reaction, I guess that depends on the person. I think that some people I know would go absolutely nuts about me explaining my different viewpoint, no matter how calm I am in explaining it. But it's hard to tell, of course. I have limited experience telling people my feelings about these things. So far, one person has been completely understanding, one person started attacking me and I had to back down, and one person at first acted like she agreed with everything I said, and then completely changed course a couple of weeks later and started following the company line again. Now that was a really strange case. Impossible to understand how someone could spout two contradictory lines of thought within a couple of weeks. Just totally weird.

    It's just really hard to say how a person is going to react. But I'd say that with most people I know, especially the people I care about most, any confession from me would be setting up a disastrous situation.

  • beksbks
    beksbks

    Welcome Poor Places!! Please stick around. It can take a while to learn to live, but I am here to tell you it can be done. Figure out what makes sense to you, and don't feel guilty for it. As far as hurting others, that's tough for those of us who have been raised to subjugate our own good for others. Think about it this way, someone in the equation may end up unhappy. Why does it have to be you?

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Welcome!

  • snowbird
    snowbird

    A big welcome and a .

    I've been where you are, and it does get better.

    Hang in there.

    Sylvia

  • goldensky
    goldensky

    Dear Poor Places, thanks for joining us. You sound like a very sensitive and humble person. Take courage. Lots of love from GOLDENSKY.

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