Hippy:
Tough decision. Frenchy among others have described well the feelings involved.
I am not sure if you are still associating. If so, please consider the following.
How many times in your years of elder's meetings has the CO and dressed down the body about shepherding calls? I think most have seen the flurry of visits before the CO's visit, just so 'we' could tell teh CO "oh yeah we just did a call on so&so"
I stuck around the congegation for a while after stepping aside. I found the freedom allowed me without meeting parts, meetings etc I had more time to get to know the congregation. I found I was able to 'shepherd' more people as a non-elder than I was as an elder. Being available to help people, help them move, buy groceries, take some of the elderly out on errands, going over to these same people's homes jsut for tea and company, listening to people, hospital visits, etc.
I also found that while I lost some of the previously discussed "P's" the brothers and sisters found me a lot more approachable and were far more open about their feelings because they didn't fear possible repercussions (at least that was my impression of some).
I guess what I am getting at is that if you are going to stick around, you can do the work of an elder that you didn't have time to do while serving as one. The people, the flock are the primary work of the elders. Taking care of them and their needs.
If you decided that you are leaving the congregation as well. I strongly suggest finding other outlets where you can be helpful to people. It sounds like it is part of your personal character, there is no reason to muzzle your love for people jsut because you leave the Witnesses. There are many excellent charities out there that would jump at the chance to get help from you.
Just food for thought.
Kismet