I wish I could just not give a Sh!t about being an XJW!

cyberjesus

My Whole freaking family is still in. I am 5th generation and I use to have tons and tons of "friends" that are still in. When I was little my dad was CO substitute for years so we got to travel alot and meet even more JWs. I lived for 13 yeARS 1 block from Bethel so I knew everybody there too and JW from other freaking countries that would come and visit the branch and yes my home had them always there. Everyweek we hosted someone different.

Its been 15 years since Im out but I only realized the "truth" last september. And now is so hard to deal with my family and friends back in Mexico. I get so freaking down every freaking day because although I am out... I am still in in A SENSE because all my family is still in. Its like I cant get away from it. And I cant just forget about all of them, specially my close family.

I wish I could just not give a Sh!t about their religion views but I cant do it. I have to be so Fing careful when I talk to them, or email. Everyday I m hooked in this forum to find some comfort on other peoples experiences.

Is there a way to just not care anymore? God dang it! How to do that? Why cant they just respect my mind and just let me be and love me for who I am? According to my mother "I have a deadly disease and I am gonna pass it to my children" WTF! I feel so freaking alone with no freaking family. All of them are so Fing brainwashed.

Is there anything you can do to let go of it? To not care what they think of you?

Sorry but I had to freaking type this! Im just fed up with all this being an XJW Garbage! It was not my option in the first place. I was just a freaking good child and trusting my parents and obeying them because that mother efer jehovah wanted it! F U J W S!

They are the ones who preach consideration for others and I care more about their feelings than them about mine. To them I am nothing more than a dead dog.

Mind Control Cults should be banned. Freedom of religion should only allowed for rational desitions and choices. Not mind controlled choices.

I wish I didnt need to come to this forum for help. I wish I could see all of them and just smile.

Ironic that they all talk to my uncle although he hasnt been to the meetings over 10 years but since he is not dfd they talk to him. WTF! He has not believed in their crap for 10 years but they still talk to him.

Baptism for minors should be banned. I mean if you can not legally drink before 21 why the hell do the law allows for children to become part of a religion when they dont freaking have a clue of what they are doing!

Anyway. Im going dancing now! At least I have my salsa dancing religion to go to :-)

White Dove

I feel for you, I really do. You have it tougher family-wise than many of us here because your culture is so family centered. I a 4th generation and my kids were 5th. We didn't have near the family members in as you do, but it is tough. The only advice I can think of is to go out and make new friends and accumulate a family of your choosing that will not judge you based on your time card and meeting attendance. Hang in there!

jamiebowers

All I can say is that I'm sorry for you. Make real friends who will substitite for family and shun all things jw.

yknot

If I had such a pill.....

I wouldn't be here either.....

boyzone

One thing I learned over the last 3 years is they ain't gonna go away no matter how much I wish they would. So I had to toughen up and not measure myself by what they think of me. Its not easy doing that and takes alot of balls and self-esteem to mentally say "I'm better than you think and I don't CARE what your opinion of me is" but keep working on it.

Some have suggested other friends..thats a great idea, broaden out and see yourself in their eyes, not just your family's. Then there are things you've always wanted to achieve - do them! You'll feel great about yourself after.

Also look at what you've already achieved. Your own family, wife, kids, home, achievements at work etc, really look at them and say I done GOOD!!

Cyber, you are a fantastic person thats not gonna die at armageddon, not "infecting" your kids with anything and are free to live and love in the way YOU know is right. Now all you gotta do is believe that! Your poor family haven't got that freedom, feel sorry for them.

hugs to you

BZ

cyberjesus

Thanks guys. To top it off in the past 15 years that i have been out I never really mixed with the "worldies" because they were bad association and I knew one day I would go back. So I couldnt mixed with the JWs and never felt that I fit with the rest of the people. Therefore I was always labeled a loner or uptight or even arrogant.

Now trying to mix with normal people is hard. What a predicament.

Broken Promises

I can sooooo relate to you. My family was an ultra-strict JW one and I’m the only one in my immediate family to leave the JWs.

Hang in there, you’re not alone.

Heartofaboy

Hi cj,

That is a horrible feeling isn't it knowing you're not really part of the JW world?

And yet because of the way the WT indoctrinates their followers about not belong part of this 'old world' you feel you do not belong to that either.

Yes that is a horrid place to be, I fully empathise with you.

Caligula1

cyberjesus

I like that user name.

I want to meet you. Where are you located?

Since you were "In So Deep" more than board post are necessary....but what is needed may not be available yet....or availabe in your area.

I just got off the phone yesterday to tell a friend (my 2 closest friends are inactive or disfellowshipped) to tell him that Randy Watters father had past. I sent this friend to meet Randy about 20 years ago. Face to Face contact is so important.

I'm thinking of designing a 2 year game plan for those like ourselves. Ideally it should be administerd by a mental health profession (I'm not saying that you are crazy). My game plan will be put in a pdf, to be used at the person leisure. Self help may be the only help for now.

(Currently I don't have the time to put this together........and it may already be in existent...I just have not seen it. The only thing similar that I knew of, the organization is no longer around. So if some one knows of anything please let us know.)

Also, based on your post, I see the benefit of the "artful fade". I would like to see an "Artful Fade" guide lines in pdf. It would be list of How To steps on fading that come from the comments on this board with all of the scarsasm removed.

This board, other experiences, and Randy Watters site www.freeminds.org (which I'm sure you have seen) are a great place to start. I wish I could give you more.

Keep us posted.

leavingwt

Many of us have experienced some of what you're going through. It's quite devastating.

By spending time and energy with a hobby and taking an interest in others, you may quickly discover that you can find meanginful friends among the "worldly" people that you come in contact with on a regular basis.

Please hang in there.

I wish I could just not give a Sh!t about being an XJW!

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