Remember that Elder that stopped by my house in December ?

troubled mind

Well I ran into him at the grocery store the other night ......Why is it that my throat still tightens up and I get this anxious laugh when I talk to him ? I want to be confident and assertive ,but ultimately I end up acting like a blubbering idiot !

Backstory is that he stopped by in December because I had put winter decorations out on my porch and he wanted to know if we were indeed celebrating Christmas now . At the time I was sick and told him I didn't have time to talk . He said they would call back ,which of course they never did .

We stopped attending meetings about five yrs ago after over thirty yrs in the congregation as faithful members .Mainly it was my idea to stop because I had become disillusioned over our beliefs ,my husband stopped because he didn't want to keep going by himself .

This Elder has been the only one that has ever stopped by ,he use to be a pretty good friend of ours for all those years . The friendship however was the fake ,insincere kind so prevalent in the Watchtoer society .......... Or maybe it was just us ,maybe we just are not the type that gets close to people .....whatever the case we never felt like we fit the mold . We were never going to be super dubs !

The thing is I really have this desire to be heard .....I want to tell this Elder some (not all) of the reasons I lost faith in the WTS .I want at least one of them to know how I feel about the blood issue ,about the hypocrisy in the congregation and about the emotional and mental anguish I have been through because of this religion ........

My husband suggested we just don't answer the phone or door when they call . We could easily hold them off by not saying anything they don't want to hear . I am very sure this Elder has been putting off talking to us cause he doesn't want to 'have to do anything' about our situation.

I am spending time today writing down some of my thoughts ....maybe I will share them on here first .....

Right now if I just shut up things will remain the same .....if I validate my feelings by voicing my opinions I could push them to DF me for being a spiritual threat .......

Not sure which road I am going to take on this one .......

snowbird

I know your feelings well.

Strength to you and yours in whatever you decide.

Sylvia

Heartbreaker

I remember very well because I too had Xmas things out this year, and was nervous (how silly now looking back, even those few short months).

What do you stand to LOSE if you voice your opinion?

What do you stand to GAIN if you voice your opinion?

Back to the old pros and cons list. However, at the top of that list should be respect for your husbands view in that he'd rather just ignore them and go on living. My husband is exactly the same way. He doesn't feel we should have to reverse preach to anyone, let people know our thoughts or views, and just go on our way. To a degree I respect that, for example I wouldn't go out of my way to talk trash about the WT, but if asked or pressed I will NOT hide their lies, or sugar coat their failed prophecies or docrines. That is not my responsibility to do. He sits back, listens, doesn't disagree with me, but doesn't offer much on his own. He's getting more vocal, but it's been a long process.

At the end of the day, you should do whatever helps you to remain a connected unit with your husband, makes you feel like a whole adult that is not cowing down to any religious entity, and lets you sleep well at night. The rest doesn't matter.

yknot

I am glad you are writing them out........

Only you can decide how much if any you will share with him or them (BOE).

Voicing them acts as a final act of severing ties on your terms versus you one day running into Sister/Brother So&So who tell you on the sly that it has been announced you are no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Heck even if you decided to do nothing..... talking/writing about it all ways makes you feel relieved and gives a sharper sense of clarity!

troubled mind

WOW heartbreaker that pretty much hits the nail on the head ........My husband and yours sound very much alike . I won't really lose anything that's not already gone to me ,but he still has family (even though our contact is limited ...it is still open ) ...So I guess I shouldn't think only of myself on this matter . For me it is personal to stand up to what I precieved as injustice , but the loss for my husband maybe more than I expect .

Thanks for your input something to really consider .....

troubled mind

Yes yknot I always do feel better after I write my thoughts out ,it is a relief ...

its_me!

I am sorry that you are having this dilemma, it is definitely a big one! I am having the same one as your husband, as I have family that still has limited contact with me, (but not completely cut off). I can definitely understand his apprehension. But I also understand the way you are feeling, I guess I have both yours, and his feelings about it. I was personally mistreated by the elders in my hall, so I would kind of like to tell them that I don't plan on playing by their rules anymore, and tell them all of the discrepancies in their doctrine. But on the other hand, I don't want to hurt my mother.

I definitely agree with Heartbreaker. Taking into consideration your husband's thoughts and views will strengthen your marriage. And that can't be a bad thing! If you don't mind my asking..... You mentioned that your husband stopped going to the meetings because he didn't want to go without you, what is his view now on WT doctrine? Does he agree with your findings about it?

troubled mind

You mentioned that your husband stopped going to the meetings because he didn't want to go without you, what is his view now on WT doctrine? Does he agree with your findings about it?

He has never really looked into doctrines himself . I have told him a few things that I have discovered especially about the blood issue ,but he never has been clear what his ideas are on the matter . His main problem with the witnesses is the lack of true love and hypocrisy . He is also beginning to realize how much he missed out on as a teen because of the restrictive lifestyle . His Mom became a witness after she divorced his Father . His Dad practically disowned him for going with her and becoming a Witness too . My husband was a teenager during this time and had been in track and football in school ,but once his Mom became a witness all the school activities ended . He resents that to this day....he now referee's High School football and loves it . He is a very non verbal type person , so I really never know for sure what he is thinking when it comes to his religious beliefs anymore .....kind of weird huh

heathen

Do what I did and resign from the church that way it's only a DA and not DF , They still can't talk to you but there's no JC.

mindmelda

I'd suggest a long tirade about Jesus or Buddha or Mohammed or the Green Lord next time you see him. Cthulu would be interesting. Come to the door wearing a green rubber tentacle mask and talking about Cthulu...or bring a plate of cooked spaghetti if you're making that for dinner and start talking about the Great Flying Spaghetti monster.

Witnesses run when you mention other gods or religious figures (Jesus is not their God, if you hadn't noticed). They're afeered of them.

Just using "The Lord" or "The Lord's Grace" in a sentence twice will scare them like nothing you ever saw.

I did that to an elder's wife when she came calling on me with magazines after I'd stopped going to the meetings for a few years, I just said, "Isn't it wonderful that we have the Lord's provisions? I appreciate the Lord's Grace."

She looked at me like I had two heads, made some mumbled excuse and ran for the car. She probably thought I had the spirit and was going to start speaking in tongues. What's ironic is that not that long ago, the Witnesses themselves used those very expressions. Kind of sad, really...they just don't know the history of their own religion too well.

I thought about memorizing a few sentences in some arcane language like Sanskrit and practicing getting a wild look in my eye just to see if I could get one to shit their pants with that whole speaking in tongues idea, but I'm too lazy.

Remember that Elder that stopped by my house in December ?

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