Were you Stalked or Chased After Once you Exited the JW's by Elders ?
by flipper 175 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
Wanted to bump this thread up if anybody had any experiences of being stalked by elders ! Take care
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gubberningbody
Flipper, I suspect they are waiting in a dormant state like hungry fleas in an abandoned apartment complex.
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flipper
GUBBERNING BODY- Stating that elders are like hungry fleas waiting in an apartment building is pretty accurate indeed . Although don't insult the fleas by comparing them to elders ! LOL ! Elders are of a lower life , scumbag form than fleas
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MC RubberMallet
The elders are directed from the society to NOT "stalk" the friends, via internet or in person. It opens up many legal webs and liabilities, which could fall on the shoulders of the society.
The loopholes, though, are if the friends already notice something, and the elders are following up, or through gossip (some elders put their wives up to it), but the elders can't actively seek out sins by spying.
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flipper
MC RUBBERMALLET- Elders might be " instructed " by the soiety not to stalk the "friends " - but we all know that elders many times have personal vendettas against people and will do their own thing. Aren't elders told by the WT society NOT to give their own personal opinions as counsel to rank & file JW's ? Yet that doesn't seem to stop them from doing so. Point is- elders will and often do whatever the hell they want to do, unjust actions included. Believe me I've been on the receiving end
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cedars
Mrs Cedars and I had a visit from an elder recently, but I only allowed it because I knew it was under the pretext of a social visit, and (importantly) his wife was coming. If he was coming alone or with another elder, I would have either made excuses or told him flatly not to come.
As it turns out, the visit went well and nothing was mentioned of a "spiritual" nature. Very odd - almost too good to be true!
I kind of have my local elders where I want them at the moment because they made so many mistakes in how they handled (or mishandled) my abrupt fade over a year ago that I can use their clumsiness as justification to decline any further "help".
That's not to say things won't change in the future. I suppose anything could prompt them to pursue a more rigorous strategy with me. However, as of this moment I suspect it simply isn't in their interests to stir up trouble, so they are keeping a respectful distance... for now.
Cedars
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00DAD
Cedars, I'd love to hear more about your "abrupt fade"!
Those two words are mutually exclusive you know!
How did you do it? And how did you handle the elders so that you now "have them where you want them"?
I understand you may need to leave out some details for discretion's sake, but your experience could help others needing to find a safe means of exit!!!
00DAD
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cedars
00DAD - I'll do my best, but I don't want to divulge too much info incase it identifies me!
By "abrupt fade" I mean suddenly deciding to stop attending meetings/ministry, and even writing a letter in an attempt to convey this decision to my local elders! Obviously, this is nothing like a normal fade where it's a bit more gradual and you don't go announcing your decision (especially in writing) if at all possible. I'm not sure I could recommend going about things in quite this way to others. In my instance, I think it helped that my local body of elders is quite inexperienced and don't really know how to handle these situations "by the book".
This triggered a hasty and regrettable response from the elders. At first they were understanding and amicable, and I had a nice visit from them where they regretfully accepted my decision. Then things turned sour and at least one of the elders thought there must be something "untoward" going on, and he started trying to find out if I'd done anything wrong to prompt my decision (i.e. they thought I was dodging a JC for some unknown sin).
The way this certain elder pursued things was deplorable, and I said that if this was the way they went about administering "help" then I would have nothing further to do with them - unless I got an apology. If there's one thing elders never do, it's apologize! So hey presto - I haven't seen or heard from them "officially" since.
Cedars
[edit post: the elders have recently worsened the likelihood of ever "helping" me still further by treating family members of mine in an outrageous way - so I have a nice long list of reasons why they are unqualified to offer "help" to me if they ever try again to set up a meeting. I'm not pretending the situation will never change, but I'm quite pleased with the current status quo.]
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LongHairGal
Flipper:
I am glad this thread was resurrected. Excellent posts and very timely.
Update: After eleven years of being a "fader" one of the last of my JW "friends" has instigated interest in me by the local control freaks. I got a stupid message on my answering machine Saturday asking if I might want to meet with this person and an elder. They never said if it was for "service" but I smell a rat....sadly this is how all friendships with people in the religion end up when somebody doesn't want to be bothered with it any longer.
I will keep you posted.