How Did You Find New Friends?

daringhart13

I'm painfully curious on this subject.

When you have devoted your entire life, your entire social circle, everything you know......to this religion....when you fade away, how did you make new friends? How did you replace all those people you THOUGHT were your friends?

On top of fading away....... I lost a 'relationship' with a 'sister' due to not wanting to continue as a JW. Now all THOSE friends are dogging me for 'dogging' her......

Wow........ I know I will survive this..... but I had not considered what it would be like to pull this in my 40's.........everything.....everyONE is gone.

This is really surreal.

White Dove

It is precisely because I could not make friends in the khall for the obvious cliques and status mentality that was going on that I quit. I found new friends easily when I found my true path and joined a coven. Those people are still my friends even though I had to move and quit the coven. It was not a cult. Now in my new home state, I don't have friends yet but they will come.

highdose

hi, i feel your pain as i've been there myself.

I found that taking up group hobbies like yoga or such excerise or joining classes helped. One of my freinds i even got from evesdropping a convasation and joining in! It takes time, but its worth it , you end up with real freinds. In fact it took me quite a while to get over the fact that they weren't juging me or expecting anything of me.

peaches

i am still trying....like you said,,,not only do you lose everything....but everyone....the simpliest things become difficult...looking for work,,,i realized i did not have anyone to use for personal references!! i also cannot seem to get rid of my spiritual conscience....drugs,,,alot of immorality,,,heavy drinking,,,are not me,,,,so fitting in is so hard,,,haven't met that many non witnesses,,,but haven't fit in with the ones i have met...

i hope to make changes here on the board....i hope to find some cyber friends that i can communicate with...the kind that " KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU AND LIKE YOU ANYWAY KIND"...hahahaha....yes,,,,i can give a whole meaning to the word imperfection....

its just tough daringheart 13,,,,,make the effort and sometlhing will turn out....that is what i am going to do...good luck

White Dove

Peaches,

Sounds like you've been looking for friends in bars. Yuck. Maybe change your friend searching venues to clubs and classes where there are higher end quality people. There are tons of good people out there. Just don't look for them in bars, or where ever you've encountered the druggies and drunks, sleaze bags.

highdose

another point that has kinda been mentioned is that you have to loose your JW view of the world EG veiwing homosexuals as bad, considering unmarried couple to be sinning, swearing bad etc etc

loose that and you will fit in better. Also little tip, i found i was the only one talking about religon so DON'T!

Judge Dread

I just dug them up.

Judge Dread

The Scotsman

I mostly gained new friends from my work.

When I was an active JW I kept work mates at arms length - did not want to get to close. Whenever they were going out for a drink I would always decline.

But when I stopped attending meetings I saw these people in a whole new light and allowed myself to get closer. Turns out they are decent people, some religious, some not. To be honest they are better friends than I ever had in the org.

JW friendships are very conditional as you have already realised.

So workmates, neighbours etc - just allow yourself to get a bit closer.

It will take time but many 1000s have already been there and survived - perhaps ended up even better then before.

Scott77

Hi daringhart13 ,

It looks like you have more work to do rebuild a new life. Not easy though. In my case, JWs were not my best friends except one guy I liked most. I miss him but i am ok now much better. I got new friends, co-workers and here at JWN discussion board to educate myself more. I have non -JW friends I chat with on aim, emails and phone. Important thing is for you to team up with XJWs meet-up groups. Please, look up for some in Australia. Because learning is a lifelong process, some have successfully returned back to classes. From there, they got new friends. You may want to organise apostlefest if you can. Also, you can volunteer at a non profit agency if you can. The biggest stumbling block might be your prior conditioning as a JW much like a solidier having transition issue to civilian life. You need to be glad that there are already those who lived a life like you are now going through and made it. Can you be an adult educator? You have already those skill. Can you move away to another town to start a new life without feeling 'being watched by dubs? I believe you will be fine. Thanks for posting this question. I liked it.

THE GLADIATOR

daringhart13

How did you replace all those people you THOUGHT were your friends?

The answer is you don't - not immediately.

It take time and patience and is not without pain. The instant friendship that comes from being part of a cult is not the same as real friendship. Even real friendships are in some way conditional.

You have to be prepared to be alone while you adjust to become the new you. In time you will attract friends of a like mind. The more comfortable you are with your own company the more other people will be comfortable with you. Should you have a special interest, then joining a club can be helpful. There you will meet people who share your interest and some will become friends.

As I have said, learning to be comfortable with yourself and being prepared to do things alone, without panicking, makes you stronger and more independent. Important after the weakening effect of being a JW and the dependence that membership demands.

How Did You Find New Friends?

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