How Did You Find New Friends?

by daringhart13 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  nugget

  First step I found is to make yourself available for friendship. As a JW you don't have to put much effort into being a friend as it is an automatic privilege and you tend to go around with mental keep away signs so people see you as aloof.

  What I did was start talking to other mothers waiting to pick up children at school and found a couple of friends people who were away from family and friends and needed support for back up childcare in emergencies and that sort of thing. Invite people for coffee if not convenient don't see it as rejection ask again another time.

  Take courses you can meet great people with similar interests on these sort of things and it gives you somewhere to go. Volunteer to help out at school activities or community fund raisers become part of the community and you will be seen as someone to go to.

  Re connect with worldly friends and df'd friends from your past. Start with the people you know and then work outwards to new ones. If anyone on the board is near you then meet up or try to get to apostafests where you can meet up and talk to people who understand what you are going through.

  Making friends is not easy but it is worthwhile. Many people move away from friends and family each year due to work commitments and manage to build new relationships so it is possible. I wish you luck on your quest.
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  jamiebowers

  I'm not a born in, and I wasn't in for decades, but I did develop distrust for "worldly" people. The best way to make a friend is to be a friend. Look for comonalities with and ways to be helpful to others, and friendships just naturally progess. Also people love to talk about themselves, so be interested in what they have to say. And don't be afraid to be honest about your background. I've found that most "worldly" people think being an excult member is interesting.
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  mindmelda

  Through work, school, clubs, groups, churches...the same way all the other "worldly" people find friends.

  You'll have to overcome that unfortunate JW brainwashing that makes you go "AHHHH! no a pod person! Run! " every time a non JW talks to you or acts friendly, though.

  Just take it slow at first until that passes. The local library is a safe place, join a book club or reading circle if you love to read. I joined a knitting circle at a local yarn store where we talk and drink coffee and help each other with projects because I love knitting and crocheting. Join a photography club, a bird watching club...anything like that. Turn your interests into way to make friends.

  Take classes, for credit or fun. Cooking, crafting, gardening, basket weaving (particularly useful for post JW stress management!) learn a new skill. Doing things together bonds people.

  I love to sing so I took some singing lessons, and from that joined a small choir that sings Christmas carols during the holidays at local businesses for charity. I went to nice karaoke bars and sang...and I had a ball. Go to dance clubs and learn line or square dancing...take ballroom dancing lessons at the Y...hang out in a sports bar and watch a ball game ...anything to get out and find out what youve been missing.

  If you have non JW family, get reaquainted after reassuring them that you won't Witness to them. Find people who you knew pre JW if you're not a born in and tell them you've been deprogrammed, its safe to come out and be friends again!
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  blondie

  I volunteered and I have made contacts through ex-jw meetup groups.
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  cult classic

  This is a really good thread Daringhart13.

  Thanks to everyone for the suggestions also.

  I'm kinda struggling with this. We have a couple of friends since leaving but I miss the really close bond I thought I had with the sisters in the congregation. I'm having to learn what it takes to be a friend and make a friend and it's scary sometimes. I'm realizing for the first time in my life too that maybe I've never really been a friend to anyone because the only definition I went by was the one I learned at the kingdom hell.

  Also I'm realizing that in the org we talked a lot about problems and negative things even in our personal relationships. That was really draining. Most people want their relationships to be a relief from their problems (although they do want support when asked). Know what I mean?

  Are any of you in Ohio? pm me pls.

  Cult Classic
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  noni1974

  I made a friend at work. She helped me through the hardest part of the first couple of years with the shunning. She didn't completely understand, but she helped me learn how to be normal. I also had a friend that was an EX JW who never got baptised who I knew since the age of 10. I also had a friend who was a JW at the same time I was who got DF ed shortly after I DA ed myself. I've known her since I was like 22 or 23 years old. We adopted each other and now we are sisters in every way except blood lines. I live with her now. My best friend as a JW is now out also so all of the friends I had growing up are out and we still talk. My best friend and I reconnected after a 12 year gap a couple of years ago. I found her on myspace. Her ex-husband didn't like me so he made her drop me as a friend when we were 21 years old.

  The real friends I made on the outside a very few. I did make a friend at my new job and we hung out tonight. We went to dinner and had a drink then we went to an astronomy class together. It was fun. I saw things I could never see in the sky in Cleveland.
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  Cinnamon (TOO)

  thanks for creating this thread. making friends has been very hard for me. trust and conditional relationships are my biggest hurdles.
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  troubled mind

  I have two really good friends since leaving the Witnesses , both I met at different jobs . My one friend was new to the area and is the most out going happiest persons I have ever met ! I just approached her at work one day and said, "You are going to be my new best friend " hahaha ( we share the same kind of humor ) She has been a life saver ,and has enjoyed teaching me all about the big world out there .
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  shopaholic

  First step I found is to make yourself available for friendship. As a JW you don't have to put much effort into being a friend as it is an automatic privilege and you tend to go around with mental keep away signs so people see you as aloof.

  Very important. It took me longer than I expected to learn how to cultivate good friendships. It takes work, you have to genuinely care about people and get to know them. Don't force it. Attend various functions and initiate conversations or at least smile and people will initiate conversations with you.

  And it really does depend on where you look. I was surprised at the morals of these folks, they are a LOT higher than we've been led to believe. We've even talked religion over sunday brunches, its very refreshing how open people can be.

  Remember, the easiest way to make friends is to be a friend.