....... How much of your conversation is "exie" stuff?
For me, I don't have many ex-JW friends, but those I do have are brilliant friends and we entertain our partners a lot with ex-talk. The spouses find our history a bit weird but fascinating.
When you meet up with real life friends who are ex-Jehovah's Witnesses...
by Quillsky 12 Replies latest jw friends
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Broken Promises
It depends on the person, where they are in their exit, and just how much you have in common with them.
For those of us who have been out for a while, the exjw stuff gets pushed to the back and we talk about family, friends, work, current affairs and whatever friends normally talk about.
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flipper
QUILLSKY- It's like our Ex-JW friends and ourselves have survived through something tgether in a similar way. We've survived exiting a mind control cult with our skin intact. So- Yes a lot of conversation will be about supporting one another and the bizarre experiences we had as well. But also in the last couple years we've had an Apostafest at Lake Tahoe- conversations also dwell on music we enjoy, musicians we have seen, sports talk for guys, we talk about hobbies or interests we have, or talk about our careers what we do for work. Like Broken Promises said , " Whatever friends normally talk about. " Yes indeed, we CAN have a normal life after the JW cult experience ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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AK - Jeff
Many X-groups get together, not just xjws.
X-soldiers, X-survivors of some disaster, X-members of a cult, X-classmates from college or high school all have meet-ups, reunions. Many of them tighten or create friendships as a result of these meet-ups.
It is the 'X' which created the alliance to begin with, and would seem fairly consistent that the communion of history would continue to be part of the relationship. Those Xjw's I associate with do speak of our common background, sometimes it dominates our conversation. I don't find it unusual. I think we would all love to just walk away from Jw's and be able to 'get on with it' - but like those who survived other disastrous events, it is the thread that brought us together and will always be that.
Time will lessen the draw to that conversational outlet for many - still it will prob not ever go away. I can't imagine for instance, ever running into a friend from school in which at least a part of the conversation doesn't involve discussion of subjects related to the class of 1973. It just seems to be part of the tie. As time progresses and deeper friendships develop it might be that 'most' jw talk will cease - though I would imagine that it would commonly continue to some extent for most.
Jeff
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no more kool aid
I really only have one ex-JW friend, we do talk about it a lot. We had different JW experiences. I was born in, that is faded. She came in as an adult, after her children were grown and eventually DAed after a 10 year stint. Now she has an adult son about to get baptised that of course will not talk to her. She has many questions that only a lifer can answer. I am always curious as to what made her join as an adult.
We are meeting a JW family for dinner tonight and I can guarantee you "the truth" is all we will talk about. Mainly their complete and utter disenchantment with the whole thing, but they keep going back for more! NMKA
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lisavegas420
I've been to several apostafests over the years, and I was heard very little JW/xJW stuff. Mostly we talked about where we were now in life. Or simply enjoyed the moment in time just talking and laughing about memories we could all relate too.
The very little JW referance that did come up would be like a women putting a napkin on her head and offering to say prayer before a meal. Or maybe someone would sneeze and someone would say bless you and every one chuckle.
I never heard any deep doctrine discussions. Or maybe I wasn't included on those discussions.
lisa
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Quillsky
Interesting comments.
I've just realized that I have one ex-JW friend and one ex-JW relative with whom I don't discuss JW history because they almost seem to be in a bit of denial about being ex-dubs. It's like I can laugh about it and criticize it, but they can do neither. They are also the two that are the most critical of me visiting ex-JW forums.
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AudeSapere
I have a couple of xjw friends. Sometimes we talk about our JW past, but it's usually in casual conversation about an event we attended with other JWs at the time or remembering a fun time with someone that one of us just ran into lately.
Mostly we talk about what's current in our lives. That sometimes includes our dealings with 'active' familly members.
When it comes to meeting with xjws from, say, this board... There is usually much talk about who we may know in common, what was our final breaking point, how we chose to left, etc.
Quillsky wrote: I've just realized that I have one ex-JW friend and one ex-JW relative with whom I don't discuss JW history because they almost seem to be in a bit of denial about being ex-dubs. It's like I can laugh about it and criticize it, but they can do neither. They are also the two that are the most critical of me visiting ex-JW forums.
They may be 'walk-away' believers, or in a bit of denial about their lives and feelings.
-Aude.
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tenyearsafter
I had the great pleasure of reconnecting with two very close friends from my JW youth about 6 months ago! It was great "catching up" on 40 lost years...and at the same time, it was very therapeutic to discuss our experiences both as JW's and the exit from the WTS. I believe that discussion helps to cleanse feelings and remove the feeling of isolation one experiences after leaving the WTS. It also helped to re-establish why we were friends in the first place...without the artificial barriers raised by the expectation and rules of "the Religion". Though we live a bit of a drive from each other, we try to get together when we can and enjoy each other's company with a freedom not available to us back in the day!
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Gayle
We have an ex-JW Meetup.com group here in Phoenix, AZ. No shortage of conversation here. Our conversations "interweave," in and out of JW issues. Talk about many things, trips, weddings, children activities, etc. Someone sneezes, and someone says "bless you" and then there's a chuckle, someone says "lucky" and we find humor in our new language that only ex-JWs would relate. Someone relates a story, and someone interjects they will give that 3 "G's" (for good, - delivery, gestures, etc). Some shares an up-to-date frustration circumstance with a JW family members, we all understand.
New ones "out" see from those who left longer ago, and how we can move along just fine, with a positive, active life and with humor. Our group is non-judgmental, and with no doctrinal belief agenda. Just to support and encourage, all with "been there, done that" experience and to move on successfully.