Have any of you had experiences with a spouse who puts loyalty to thier parents and the organisation over you?

captain

I'm going through this at the moment and very disillusioned - especially when I find that people who I thought were my good friends (read: elders) are actually siding with my spouse.

alanv

It depends if the parents are JWs. If they are, then your spouse will probably put the religion before you what you say.

If the parents are not witnesses then scriptually she should be going by what you say, unless it goes against her faith.

leavingwt

Welcome to the forum!

This happens all the time.

To understand why, please read the following book. (Its available, used, for less than seven bucks):

'Combatting Cult Mind Control' by Steve Hassan

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0892813113/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&qid=1271943094&sr=1-1&condition=used

I don't have the situation you describe. My wife is still a faithful JW, but she puts our marriage ahead of her loyalty to WTS. (I faded away and am totally inactive for a few years now.) She figures that my relationship with Jehovah (and WTS) is my concern and not hers.

It is a very difficult place you are in. Others here have been there. Perhaps some of them will post and discuss it with you.

Regardless of how it works out for you and what decisions you make, I encourage you to start building a life outside of that circle. Get friends either from ex-JW's you find here and perhaps locally through meetup.com or similar avenues, or find friends in circles you find yourself in through hobbies, activities, interests, work, whatever.

teel

Welcome captain. Yes, I am in the same boat (pun not intended, but hey ho). I made a few posts detailing my story, but in nutshell, she's just crazy about the organization (that can be quite literal too).

I once asked her if the WTS asks her to completely break up with me, will she do it? She beat around the bush for a half an hour with "why would they do that? They have no reason..." and so on. I said, fine, I get it, just say the word, if the impossible happens, will you follow them? She just couldn't say the word, that she wouldn't follow the direction. It is absolutely clear to me that she would do just about anything they ask of her, regardless of how it affects our marriage. She even said once if the organization asks her to relocate to some other place, she would not hesitate to move. Which is really scary, considering that step is the first step at the end of the suicidal cults.

Please stick around and tell us your story in detail.

Gordy

In 1996 I had a breakdown, later diagnosed as Acute clinical depression.
After about 6 months the Elders advised my wife to get me to leave the family home.
This because they considered me a "spiritual danger" to the family.
She found me a place to live and even paid the deposit on it.

In 2001 I disassociated , after much research into the WT.

Since then my JW wife and two JW daughters have not spoken or had contact with me.

yknot

.....

I have been accused of this by my un-believing hubby........ so maybe I can offer a POV from the 'other-side'

I am not sure what all is happening with yall but ultimately it was a communication and negotiation issue between the two of us.......

Once we really talked without all the pretenses of one of us being right/ wrong...... things cleared up fast and I was embarassed by my actions

(that said he too has reverted to this behavior in the past.....we both had to come to a point to and just 'grow-up')

Is your wife the type of person who is just over reacting to change or is she the type that is going to get everybody involved in order to bully a person into agreeing?

captain

Hi all - thanks for all your replies.. My situation is quite complicated - will post some more later on...

captain

So here's the thing. Had some health issues after I got married. Still managed to work, provide for my family etc. However she wanted a WTBS "Life Story" experience so was forever saying I was a failure etc etc all because we weren't missionaries on overseas construction etc. I was however an elder and holding down a full time job (she doesn't have a job btw - oh, other than "Full time service").

Eventually the pressure of having zero support for either my professional or spiritual life caused something to snap and I threw in the towel on everything all at once (I got into alcohol). This of course meant I was a spiritual danger so she went to live away from me AFTER I CAME FORWARD TO ADMIT A PROBLEM I HAD SUCCESSFULLY HIDDEN!!!

Anyway, with the support of some so called "worldly" friends, I've sought help for the alcohol (congregational help was "read the Bible and pray") and I am just getting my life back together but it seems like, just as I am, I'm getting all this pressure from the elders to get back together with her, and the worst part is in every elder meeting they have with me they're hinting at how hard it must be to be single (insert long pregnant pause - excuse the pun) which I find pretty insulting.

Honestly it's not spiritual refreshment it's spiritual torture.

OnTheWayOut

She left you and they side with her. Do what you need to do, make your decisions without their "help."
Go to your real friends for real comfort and advice.

Have any of you had experiences with a spouse who puts loyalty to thier parents and the organisation over you?

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