Thanks OnTheWayOut - I just can't imagine Jesus condoning any of what's happened to me. The prodigal son had hit rock bottom when he returned... and his father threw a banquet for him...
Have any of you had experiences with a spouse who puts loyalty to thier parents and the organisation over you?
by captain 18 Replies latest jw friends
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undercover
Welcome, Cap'n...
As you have already experienced, this is cult indoctrination. Anyone...even family, spouses, children...who show rebelliousness against the organization is to be cast aside as so much refuse. You're going to die at Armageddon (their view) if you persist in this course so why endanger their so-called spirituality by continual contact?
It's a very tough situation...one that many of us have gone through and continue to go through. Many of us walk a tight rope on a daily basis as we try to balance keeping our home life stable/normal vs allowing JWism to take too much away from our family.
Some are luckier than others. I use the word lucky because it's not always skill or talent that helps one person have a better situation than another. I am one that has been fairly lucky compared to some of the horror stories I've read here. As stressful as my situation can be at times, I can only imagine the stress, anxiety and anger that some of our fellow posters must feel.
I wish I could give you advice that would fix your situation but I can't. No one can really. We can empathsize, we can commiserate, we can tell you what we've done. But each situation is different just enough that what works for one will not work for another.
Hang around and share your story (as best you can without exposing yourself) and you'll find lots of people who have been exactly where you are. We can't fix it, but we can be there to offer support.
Good luck...
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yknot
Captain....
You were an Elder, you know the WTS is more a 'social-club' than spiritual temple....
I am sorry you got left out in the cold, many BOEs shoot their weak and wounded instead of aiding in time of need.
Your wife did exactly as she was 'trained' to do........
SD-7 has a similar situation.
Now let me ask you some questions.....
1) When you close your eyes and picture your ideal end-result of all this debacle how does it play out?
2) What do you want to happen
3) What do you think is a reasonable course of actions to achieve this goal
(BTW on the 'missionary' stuff , read AllTimeJeff's experiences as a Gilead on JWN and Freeminds!)
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captain
Thanks again all for your posts. ONTHEWAYOUT - Amen - this experience has really taught me who my real friends are and who like to live life by a rule book and forget the 'weightier things of the law' - namely to have love for your neighbor. YKNOT - To answer your questions - no idea, no idea and no idea! UNDERCOVER - I know there's no easy answers, but knowing that others have gone through (and are still going through) similar experiences is comforting to know. Unfortunately it's taken my own experience to open my eyes to how I've probably "demonised" others in the past who may have been going through similar struggles but of course have been unsupported in their struggle and have thus experienced the same kind of disillusionment I am now experiencing. I mean how difficult is it to open up about anything - especially when you're self medicating with alcohol - when the next thing that happens is a judicial committee? It'd be like going to an AA meeting, admitting that that you got drunk, then them saying - "we'll have sit with you to go through that night, with three officials, and if we think that you don't have the right attitude you'll still be able to come to AA but you won't be allowed to speak to anyone or associate with anyone in the group outside of AA. Oh and we can't do it now, so we'll do it in three weeks time. Thanks for coming to see us though, we're really here to help you. Ok it's late gotta go. See you in three weeks." I mean, yeah, that's going to help.
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captain
And here's another thing - it's frowned upon to sit on a jury, right? The reason being that we don't know the full situation or the facts so we may be bloodguilty by condemning someone innocent...judicial committeee anyone?
OK Vent officially over.
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exjw2814
Yes, actually being raised as a Witness my mother would value and listen to the congregation elders over my own father. I did NOT agree with this. This caused ALOT of problems in my family.
Also, when I was teenager I was dating a certain girl and she would always value the elders in her congregation over myself. The elders were slandering my name at the time and they didn't want her dating me.
It's heartbreaking to see the level of power these congregational elders can really have over a family. It's WRONG.
God Bless
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agonus
it's my life story, friend... all i can say is good luck and god bless
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life is to short
My husband put the religion over our marriage for about 21 years. He was an elder when I married him. I was 24 and he was 41. He would always tell me if I did not like it I should never have married an elder. I was so young and stupid I just took it. It really hurt. He would have me sit in the car for hours and hours because we were both pioneering and lived far away from the hall and we could not afford to have me drive home and come back to pick him up plus he would always tell me it would be just a minute. If we had plans and someone called and wanted him he would drop me like a hot rock and go run to them. I was always second or third or fourth on the list. I was never and mean never first. I remember one time I burned my hand on the stove really bad, he was on the phone with some elder thing. I came and said I think I really hurt myself he response was I am doing elder stuff.
Oh I could go on and on. Finally after about 21years of marriage he said to me once again you should never have married an elder. I just looked at him and said I am sorry I thought I had married a husband. He just got white and never said it again to me.
This religion has really come between us. Now I look at my husband and wonder so many time what I saw in him. It is so sad.
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dgp
Marked.