The point in time when I realised that I would one day no longer be a Jehovahs Witness

by jambon1 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  jambon1

  This was after my 'honeymoon' period of being a new JW. Yet, it was still a couple of years before I actually left.

  I remember sitting in the KH listening to the meeting & my mind wandered. I started looking around the congregation. Of course, being fairly active in the cong, I knew everyones business.

  It dawned on me that around 70% of the congregation (and that is being kind) were depressed or just plain miserable. Many were on anti-depresants. In one way or another people were not positive, well rounded out, happy people. There was deep rooted problems & I knew it was the same in other congregations.

  Then I started to see the divides everywhere. This one didn't like that one. This person had fallen out with that person 20 years ago & it was still an issue. This family were not talking to that family. That elder didn't see eye-to-eye with those 2 elders who were good mates together. The pioneers never really liked working together. Etc, etc.....

  And I thought; Why would I want to bring anyone from the world into this organisation to be part of this misery?

  It was the thin end of the wedge. As soon as I was thinking along these lines, I knew it was the end for me.

  Anyone else feel the same?

  J
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  leavingwt

  I enjoyed your post. Excellent observations. A significant number of elders take anti-depressants and/or self-medicate alchohol, in my experience. For the "happiest people on earth," they sure do like to run away from their inner thoughts.

  In order to escape, at some point, one must imagine himself as being happy outside WT. This atmosphere can assist some in visualizing life after WT.
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  AK - Jeff

  I think it might be easier to identify the 'problems' if you came into the religion from outside. You have a baseline from which to make comparison that those of us who knew nothing else all our lives lack.

  My 'wedge' were doubts about doctrines [way in the back of my mind] and concern about a serious lack of love [a type of which I do believe existed in some measure in the 50's, 60's and 70's, but disappeared almost completely later on. Still it took a long time for those thoughts to make it to the surface and create movement in my legs to the outside.

  Jeff
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  lepermessiah

  Great topic Jambon!

  One thing that hit me like a hammer......

  I was looking around, and I couldnt believe the number of born-in JW kids who completely depressed, emotionally suppresed, and totally confused.

  Most of my peer group grew up to be adults with no coping skills. Their families were dysfunctional to say the least - this is supposed to be the happiest organization on the earth?

  Its scary how many JW's either take anti-depressants or NEED to be on them. Some of the ones who need the most help either "wait on Jehovah" or they feel guilty since Jesus said "Do not be anxious over anything!"

  Once I started digging deeper, you realize they are miserable since they are serving one of the harshest taskmasters on the planet....the WTBS.

  I can relate since I felt like that for a long time - once that veil was lifted, things have been so different. You feel like an elephant has been lifted off your back!
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  straightshooter

  Amazingly I was quite happy being a JW until I was promoted to the rank of elder. Then it became a nightmare. Constant monitoring of the congregation and its problems. The backbiting among the elders trying to jockey for position and importance. The CO giving his personal spin on matters when he met with the boe. I knew several elders who drank alcohol to an excess.

  Though I knew several publishers who took anti-depressants, it was because of personal health problems and not because of being a JW.
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  babygirl30

  I was on 'autopilot' when I was a JW...born in, did as I was told, followed what was expected of me (superficially of course), and kept up appearances. It wasn't until I was DF'd and was able to sit unbothered that things became so much clearer! It's like I suddenly began to LISTEN to the mtgs and was able to reason that what was being said was NOT the full story...I also began to OBSERVE people a lot closer in the cong and I picked up on a lot: the family that had transplanted to the Khall had 3 pioneer daughters that were FAST asses (saw them in the club)...the MS that is abusive to his wife but plays 'nice' at the Khall...the elder that has such a BAD reputation that he gets moved from cong to cong cause of reports of his irresponsible behavior...the reg pioneer that has serious mental issues...the elders wife who REFUSES to sit with her husband at the mtg - that is IF she even comes! Add to all of that, the fact that I was cruelly treated and dealt with by elders who were supposed to act lovingly and be reassuring of Jehovah's love - and I had enough. 9 mos of observing all that crap and carrying all these feelings of disgust, and I had enough.

  One thing after another that just woke me UP.
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  Robert7

  I remember 'the switch'... This was after loads of doubts, but this was the final straw that mentally made me switch...

  During a service meeting a brother AGAIN discussed WWII and how the brothers were persecuted. This used to bother me since, oh, 6 MILLION Jews died, but the JW's talk about a few thousands brothers dying... that night when I heard that comment a thousandth time, 'click' I was out... I immediatley did more research online, and quickly found JWD. It was history from there.
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  Gregor

  I grew up in the organization with my Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, always talking about their petty fueds with other members of the congregation. The slightest slight was unforgiveable. "Sister so-and-so didn't speak...harumph!" And of course my uncle, who was always a servant shared every tidbit of confidential information about others with my aunt, who in turn shared it with my grandmother, etc etc. I was only 10 when I knew sister blank was going to be disfellowshipped for adultery on Friday. Yeah, this was in the day when they actually named the reason for a DF'ing. But my family always knew the gruesome details.
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  troubled mind

  Jambon1 , I also had that lightbulb moment . I too looked around my hall and thought to myself ,'how can I go in field service and encourage others to come into this mess ?'

  Our hall was made up of many extended family members, and people I had known all my life so again you know alot of the background stories . Many dealing with emotional ,and mental problems taking either prescription drugs or alcohol just to cope . The pioneer sister that lives under the thumb of a control freak of a husband ,the Elder that drinks to cope with his hypocondriac wife .The sister that gossips about everyone else's lives so she won't have to focus on her own problems . Just much of the same I have seen over and over observed on here by others .

  I flinched every time I heard about how wonderful it was to be in association with our brothers, or how blessed we are when we come into the 'truth' and give up family and friends for the hundred fold of new freinds we make at the hall .....yeah right

  I really believed all that for a very long time and made all the right excuses for times when i knew it was a lie . Then one day after living it for sooo long I just couldn't lie to myself anymore and had to admit these people are NOT special by any means and I can't fathom them being much different in a new world . Why in the world would I want to spend eternity with any of them ,I can't stand being in a car group for a whole morning with most of them .
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  Gordy

  I had done a couple of years research on the WT.

  Then one evening during the Service Meeting, in August 1999, it hit me.

  Watching the brother give the talk, seeing him use the correct "gestures" as laid down in the TMS book.

  Hearing words I had heard at every meeting for the past 25 years.

  Looking at the congregation all going through the same motions I had seen time and time again.

  Most of them trying to look interested. Children falling asleep.

  Then it hit me, I NO LONGER BELIEVED this stuff anymore!

  That was my last meeting.