by dgp 19 Replies latest jw friends
I read somewhere that the WT holds that a person who refuses to have sex with the spouse is somehow "forcing" the spouse to commit adultery. I consider this ridiculous, but, in the interest of learning more, may someone explain this to me?
Would the spouse thus "forced" be disfellowshipped? Or would YHWH make an exception?
Thank you.
No exceptions whatever the circumstances.
Not forced in the true definition of the word. If you refuse your mate sex often enough you could be at least in part responsible for them seeking sexual gratification outside the marriage. Each case would be different I suppose, but I would think reasonable elders would take into account the situation before DFg someone in those circumstances. According to the bible each spouse should render the other their marital due so as not to put them in a bad situation.
YHWH wouldn't have to make an exception, he has nothing to do with it. His name is just thrown around a lot.
Cult Classic
I used to believe each individual is solely responsible for his or her own sins. If this were not the case, then YHWH would disfellowship you for something you didn't do. From a strictly human point of view, I understand that a person will be more inclined to cheat if he or she is being denied sex at home. But we're not talking about a God who would act that way. Do I detect an inconsistency here?
*** w86 8/15 p. 16 par. 13 Guard Against Misusing Power ***On the other hand, wives have been known to show reluctance to pay the marriage due when their wishes are crossed. In fact, some wives have even refused the marriage due altogether. Sad to say, at times this has contributed to a husband’s committing adultery. All such failure to heed Paul’s counsel at 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 is likewise a selfish misuse of power.
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There is nothing that says that the husband would not be considered responsible for his actions. What if his wife were in a coma and unable to have sex...that would not mean he has permission to find sex elsewhere. What if a husband were in prison.....should his wife find someone else. The WTS would like to think that men have it harder living a moral life, but then why does the WTS point to Joseph and Jesus as fine examples of men.
I don't know if my experience helps you or not:
Before I left my ex-husband, he had cut me off financially and I was only able to save up a small amount of money to get away from him. He then chased me around the country and I had to move 3 times, moving is expensive. Although he hated my parents and we had little to do with them, he suddenly started calling them all the time and they began to side with him. They helped him to legally steal my car, which was all I had. They all made life miserable every where I moved, demanding the elders to monitor every move I made.
Someone I knew in my past found out what was going on, called me up and said, "Palmtree, I've loved you for years. I've sat back and watched your family, your husband and the congregations treat you like crap and I can't watch it anymore. Please come here and let me take care of you."
I tried to go it alone for a while longer, because I didn't want to get df'ed, but by this time, I was out of my head from the stress of it all. He arranged a plane ticket for me and I moved in with him a few months after ( I lived with friends of his for a bit).
So, no.......no one put a gun to my head and forced me to fornicate. But under all those circumstances (I'm abbreviating alot here....) my choices were very limited. I chose to be with the only one who loved and cared about me.
I'm df'ed now. But I don't regret it. I married that good, kind man.
Palmtree, yours is a very moving story. I wouldn't cast any stone at you for it; I know you were trapped. There is no way I would blame you for doing what you did.
I didn't make my point correctly. What I wanted to say was this: I have read some accounts of women who were forced to have sex with abusive husbands on the grounds that their denying sex would "force them" to have sex somewhere else. How come? I was particularly moved by a story I read, by someone who I won't identify, who had to accept beatings and abuse while in very bad health just because she had to "give her dues". How can it be that someone has to sleep with the abuser, lest she "stumbles" him?
Sorry, in case someone got hurt.
Exactly what I'm talking about PalmTree. An unloving mate can be a person's worst nightmare. So in part they contributed to the adultery by making it difficult for the spouse to stay faithful. So while no one can "force" another to commit adultery there obviously can be mitigating circumstances that contribute to the issue.
Cult Classic
P.S. palmtree - I'm glad you're with someone who makes you happy and takes care of you.
ok dgp I get what you mean. Now that is different. That is a case of people minding other people's business. The WTS loves to get in the bedroom of married folks. If a witness wife is looking to get sympathy from the elders and they are idiots they may counsel her to keep rendering her husband his due, even in this type of situation. If she doesn't have enough will to stand on her own and leave (regardless of the cost ) she'll be trapped for sure. But there was info many years back that you could separate (with the WTS' approval) if you were being physically abused.
Cult Classic
Yeah it's a pretty screwed up system of technicalities and loopholes, really. Pretty much anything you do outside of having a perfect blissful marriage is going to be frowned upon, judged and/or even punished.
If a partner purposefully denies their partner sex, then they will be counseled and punished. If the partner being denied goes and commits adultery, they will be counseled and punished. If a woman is being abused, she will be ignored and the husband will receive the benefit of the doubt by the elders (or at least that has been my observation). If a woman leaves her abusive husband, they will look at her as being questionable association and the brother will probably end up receiving more "help" than her, because SHE left HIM.
It's all a bunch of political BS that has absolutely no justice in it.
I say the elders need to butt out of people's marriages and let them sort it out between themselves and God.
