oh and palmtree.....I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! I cannot begin to imagine the living hell you went through with those people....and then the guilty JW conscience that must have been nagging at you when this wonderful man came to your rescue! I am so glad you made the RIGHT choice, though, and that this amazing man was there when you needed someone the most. Kudos to both of you and I hope you have the most wonderful years together as anyone can have!!!
Forced to commit adultery, how?
by dgp 19 Replies latest jw friends
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Scully
Apparently the WTS endorses the concept that men are not responsible for their sexual urges. If a married woman withholds the Marital Due™, she is thus creating a situation where her husband may succumb to sexual temptation. That's why, when a JW man has an extramarital affair, the Elders™ usually ask whether the wife was withholding the Marital Due™, and is therefore responsible for his lack of self control. Of course, some men need it every day, 3 times a day, and anything less is construed by them as "withholding" - so in that respect, it's a very subjective topic.
They are also not inclined to recognize that a man who forces sex on his wife after she says NO has committed marital rape. She is always supposed to accommodate his needs - if he needs somewhere to tuck in his pecker, she is expected to acquiesce. If a wife claims that her husband raped her, the Elders™ tend to blame her for saying no in the first place.
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dgp
Apparently the WTS endorses the concept that men are not responsible for their sexual urges.
This was my point. I'm sorry I couldn't make myself understood.
Scully, three cheers for you.
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garyneal
Does that count for unbelievers? I mean, what if I sin because my wife did not give me my marital due TM ?
I was considering asking Terry this.
Now I am not considering cheating. So how can I sin?
Guess I can do the Pee Wee Herman.
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dgp
Gary, you mean "Does this count for the Undead?". That's my New Light for people like you and me.
Since you're an Undead, maybe the answer is in the negative. Now, the Undead can sin because you're as good as dead anyways.
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garyneal
Well, I know we are considered birdfood for the average witness. But I can say that my wife has warmed up to me a lot lately. So at least for now I do not have to sin in any way.
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upnorth
If the WBATS is saying it's the womans fault that the husband has stepped out of the marriage, it's just more stupid from the steaming pile of stupid.
The WBATS can't offer a solution because the solution would involve counseling outside of the KH and counseling out of the KH would likely lead to "followers" discovering the "truth".
And we can't have that can we ?
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blondie
I will add that I have know jw men do use this same thing to control their wives by not having sex with them, sometimes not even talking to them it is just that the GB has it in their mind that men need sex so bad that they couldn't possibly use this tactic.
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blondie
I also know one sister who was raped by her non-jw husband and abused other ways. He left and she got a divorce and remarried and found that unless she was drunk she could not have sex with her second jw husband. The elders called and used this paragraph to tell her that unless she got with the program that she would be responsible for his sin. BTW her jw husband didn't mind if she was drunk everyday. She didn't buy into this reasoning but it showed to her that there was to be no support for her as an abused woman.
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sammielee24
Nobody ever 'forces' anyone, JW or not, into another consensual sexual relationship.
There are however, two sides to every story - his and hers, as to the reasons it might happen. A woman who hates sex and refuses to engage in it, is equally to blame as is the man who withholds sex or affection as a means of punishment. I think in worlds like the JW, where divorce is hated, too many couples feel that they don't have to try - everybody knows that God hates divorce, so the assumption is that 'we gottcha' and there's nowhere to turn. This is especially true when Elders are told to caution women against leaving abusive mates and when abused males are cautioned to take stronger actions as head of the household.
People aren't forced into another relationship but they most certainly can be pushed.
sammieswife.
