Do you still pray? Why? (page 5)

lesabre

i still pray. all day long. my every thought is actually me talking to God. i've always been that way.

I prayed for a kitten when I was ten. I told God I would be a really good girl if He would get me one and my dad would let me keep it. I asked for a black one. My sister's friend gave me a coal black kitten.

I prayed intermitently as it grew into a wild tom who crapped in my shoe and bit me after he started prowling.

Later I didn't talk to God about anything. I didn't want his opinion on my doings. I thanked him for nothing. I asked him for nothing. .

I made trouble for myself and for those around me. Any integrity I had left was of the weakest sort: it was only that I would not expect God to clean up after me.

Eventually I was miserable. Not only that but the little family I had started was being dragged down with the trouble I had stirred up in reaching for things that were just different shades of selfishness.

Finally I broke down. I had to pray because I could not think of a way to erase my own life that could erase the mess I would leave for my family.

But I didn't pray like I did when I was ten years old. I wouldn't pray to God like a kid who wanted a black kitten.

But God didn't answer my prayers.

I did some really deep thinking. And God didn't answer my prayers.

I bargained, I justified. He still didn't say anything to me.

I tried fasting. And nothing happened.

Finally I was as lost as a child. There was nothing left. I had no understanding but only one desire: I just wanted his "ear". I didn't even care if he solved my problems.

After months of silence, God let me know He had been there all the time: there was a miracle. It so really, truly happened that my husband, who doesn't give a flying fig for God, marked it. He didn't change , but I did.

For those who don't believe in prayer, any further details would only supply something more to laugh at. I understand why Jesus so often told folks he healed "Tell no one". Healing is for healing, not for display. It rarely moves others.

I still pray because, even without daily or even annual miracles I know He is there. My old baggage remains, but I can carry it now--with God's help.

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The Witnesses with all the pre-fabbed "knowledge of God" devastated me and mine for a time, but remembering God's kindness before I even knew the name of Him, I left them and got reacquainted with Him .

agonus

sure... couldn't hurt

Do you still pray? Why?

lesabre

not a captive

agonus

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