Welcome
I too was abused and like you nothing was done to my parents. I was blamed for being a bad daughter. The affects of being abused never go away. The worst part for me is to not have my abuse believed. Why would I make it up but that is how I feel they look at me. This is truly a sick cult.
The elder trying to guilt you into studying with someone is a classic example. My husband had that done to him many times. Other elders would ask him to study with these nut cases because they did not want too. They used to use the same line on my husband, and my husband would fall for it. Finally I asked my husband why can't those elders who are asking you to study with this guy or kid do it themselves. My husband said they are too busy. I said and like you are not??????????????? One guy my husband was asked to study with I still have nightmares about. He was beyond a worm. Just this very, very low life guy.
I have learned the truth about the "truth" for about a year and a half. It has been very hard. I truly believed it for at least I spent a life time trying to convince myself that I believed it.
Right now I am going through the bitter stage of the grieving stage. I am so bitter that I am hurting myself right now. I hope this passes fast. I wish there was some magic wand to wave to make the pain go away quickly but I have as yet to find it.
Hang in there, I have heard that time heals all. I am hoping so myself.
LITS