Emotional affairs JW style

by highdose 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  highdose

  Inspirared by another topic.

  I wittnessed a number of "emotional affairs" as a JW. Were normaly elders were invovled and although nothing physical happened ( or was found out) there was a definatate emotional connection made by two people who were married to others. I saw many great flirtations, people who couldn't keep away from eachother too. In all cases the left out spouse seemed to just accept it, but then if nothing physical happened what else could they do?

  Did anyone else see this happen? And so what if there was nothing physical between these people? Is emtional adultery just as bad as physical?
• 

  BeBeKates

  I saw it to many times, people having private time out in service, too many phone calls, no one understands me like s/he does. While it can't be ajudicated like a physical affair it is, I believe more damaging to a marriage than a purely sexual one. That is also hurtful but often that is pure lust and not a "meeting of the minds". When you share emotional bonding there is a harder time separating out of that than a "roll in the hay".

  This is just my experience talking to many people who have cheated over the years, both ways. Guilt is the same, and the injured party reports more anguish at the emotional long-term affair.
• 

  darth frosty

  Yeah I know what you talking about.

  When I was zealous there was this pioneer couple who if you didn't know you would've thought they were married. He was a pioneer elder with a wife, she was a single pioneer sister. They faithfully did street work together every morning complete with her bringing him coffee.

  Some would try to scandalize it but they were just field service pioneer buddies, but they were inseprable (sp)
• 

  yknot

  My Great-Aunt and her second husband had this marital arrangement........ (they didn't date, the marriage was more or less arranged by Elders not wanting a single mother to mar their KH image- married after only knowing each other two months)

  When he died, no one offered condolences to her rather "his" pioneer, she took back her maiden name within a week too....

  She married 'her' widowed pioneer the next month.......(happy together until his death 5 years later)

  _______________________________________________

  Personally I think emotional affairs are devastating.....but that is only because I love my husband and would be devasted.

  However when I consider two people who would normally divorce and mutually acknowledge the 'overness' of their oft arranged or lust-only based relationship....... and both agree on this course..... than whom am I to judge.

  ____________________________________________________

  .....granted everybody develops levels of emotional attachements in close working conditions....

  Admittedly on harmless levels out of routine dependence, I have been office wife to many and my husband too has had office wives who schedule, fetch and otherwise assure smooth running of adminstrative needs.

  We are all social creatures and all of us 'click' better with some over others....
• 

  Mad Sweeney

  I have seen it and it doesn't have to be the opposite sex, either. It happens ALL THE TIME with "sisters" who are "pioneer partners."
• 

  yknot

  I have seen it and it doesn't have to be the opposite sex, either. It happens ALL THE TIME with "sisters" who are "pioneer partners."

  Gosh, I must attend the most square congregation in the US!

  Scandals are rare......and usually restricted to teenagers
• 

  ShirleyW

  Happened in my cong with a married elder, who was spending a lot to time with a sister (with 4 kids btw) and unbelieving husband, he was removed as an elder, and he was one of the old time elders, in the "truth" since the 30's or 40's.
• 

  JeffT

  I have seen it and it doesn't have to be the opposite sex, either. It happens ALL THE TIME with "sisters" who are "pioneer partners."

  In my first congregation there were two single sisters whose behavior would have gotten them classified as lesbians had it taken place on the college campus. I believe they were counseled at least once about it, at get togethers they would sit with their arms around each other. Both eventually married so I don't think it went beyond that kind of stuff, but it was certainly a topic for the gossipers. One of them had been regular pioneering for years.
• 

  peaches

  emotional affairs.....i would think think they are in every congregation....i saw them alot....just as damaging as a physcial affair...
• 

  Violia

  They happen a lot. It is not just single sisters who make these connections with elders or MS or other brothers- married sisteres do it too. I would venture a guess that as many married sisters do this as single. Being married to somone who won't talk to you can be very lonely.

  There have been books written about emotional affairs. Once they get started it can be very hard to stop them. They become your best friend and someone you cna talk about intimate stuff. A lot of them do involve varying degrees of physical contact. It is like you are soul mates but stuck in marriges to other people. You will see this in the Borg b/c they make it so hard to leave a marriage without somone being publically reproved.You also just see if b/c any group of men in power will have groupies-- elders included.

  The elder is defintely the winner in this situation. He is married and has someone on the side to talk to. The woman often only has him to talk to and only at certain times. I guess anytime you settle for the role of mistress you should understand what that means and if you are willing to play hidden second ( or third) fiilddle to this man.