Did you get token invites to witness gatherings?

by truthseeker 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  MarkedFragile

  Truthseeker,

  Oh my goodness! I think you hit my experience right on the nail! I came into the organization in my late 20s. I was also in a different state from my family. So, I had no friends or family in the area where I was living. I had no history with anyone there. They would all talk about their long-time friends, family members, past experiences, etc, and the most that I could do was smile and nod my head. They really didn't care to hear about my experiences or memories, and even if they did, they wouldn't treat it with the same level of importance. When you're the new kid on the block, you learn about everybody around you, but no one really learns about you. And the gatherings....yes...you go there, make small talk, watch a movie for 2 hours, and then leave, feeling just as lonely as when you came. There was no deep conversation, no heart-to-hearts, no real connecting. Weekends consisted of watching your four walls, or going to "video gatherings". The phone wasn't exactly ringing off the hook. At the meeting on Sundays, you would hear about gatherings that took place over the weekend, or people spending time with their families. That's the reason I started seeking out various websites. There was such a lack of connection. I had nothing in common with Witnesses. I had so much more in common with people "in the world". In fact, my so-called "worldy friends" (who I would now call my true friends) inquired more about my life than Witnesses did. Not only did they inquire, but they cared enough to listen to what went on in my life, and treated me like I mattered. I so relate to your post!!!!
• 

  dozy

  A “video evening” – it is just me , or does that sound so incredibly boring? Count me out.

  My experience is similar to others – some congregations had a reasonable social scene , others were very cliquey. When I was younger I used to “hang around” with a few of a similar age. When older , we would occasionally have people round for meals & vice versa , but there rarely was much going on. The WTS are very much against “social gatherings” and anything larger would have to be approved by the elders ( in one congregation there always had to be a “director of the feast” assigned ) , so people were very reticent about organising anything. I remember a sister giving up in disgust when trying to organise a congregation get-together as she had to jump through so many hoops to get it accepted.

  The GB mainly don't have any children and aren't aware of the needs of younger ones for social gatherings and get-togethers. This is where the JWs miss a trick that other religions (such as the Mormons) have learnt from. The recent Kingdom Ministry on the District Assembly spoke about any meals being very light. I was chatting about this with a few younger JWs – they were all against this and thought that it would be fantastic if people could have BBQs in their cars in the car park or if the WTS would organise some kind of communal food service like they used to do. Instead it is a few curled up sandwiches & a lukewarm flask of coffee, eaten at your seats in the stand. That is one of the main reasons why 75% of youngsters leave “the truth” , never to return.
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  zombie dub

  A “video evening” – it is just me , or does that sound so incredibly boring? Count me out.

  yea sounds awful, the JWs near me never did this, was always bars/parties etc. (of course limited fun as so many rules!)
• 

  Jim_TX

  Not very often. (Of course - I am talking about waaaaaay back when)

  There was this one time that I _did_ get invited to a basketball game (or some other activity) that the guys were going to put together. My mom stipulated that I could go - IF - my younger brothers could also go.

  Well... I told this to the other fellas - and it was like - 'see ya!' - I didn't want my younger brothers to go either.

  Regards,

  Jim TX
• 

  Heartofaboy

  When we were kids my parents were not financially well off but they did their best.

  They were never included by better off brothers & sisters in the things they were doing or places they were going to.

  We had quite a few friends our own age in the cong', children of the 'better off', & mum would ask them over for tea so at least we had plenty of socialising.

  Once mum & dad invited our friends & their parents to Sunday lunch. I remember mum was in the kitchen making sure the sack full of potatoes she had in the oven were roasting ok & the veg & the gravy were going to be ready in time with the joint of meat.......you know all the 101 things to needing to done all at the same time. (my mum's roast diinners were the best!)

  I suppose there were over a dozen sat around the large table waiting to for the food to be brought out.

  Whilst my parents were working flat out in the kitchen next to the dining room getting every thing ready, the other kid's parents were organising themselves a meal out without a thought of including my mum & dad!

  Dad took it in his stride but my mother was very hurt being left out yet again.

  When she tackled one of them about it at a later date the excuse was that they thought my parents wouldn't be able to afford it.

  Maybe my parents could maybe they couldn't....................at least they should've included them, especially when they were sat in our home & eating the food my parents provided.

  God you've got to be tough to survive in the JW's
• 

  Robert7

  I hated the gatherings that were SO 'scrubbed clean'. People would discuss field service experiences, or that latest WT article. Felt like another meeting away from the meetings.

  I remember one graduation party in a club house. I entered a back room and a local elder said "we're discussing field service experiences". I swear my eyes glossed over, and I just left. This was towards the end of my meeting attendance where the dissonance was adding up.
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  babygirl30

  I have SEEN how 'anti-social' being a JW can make a young person become!! You are BRED to be 'standoffish' - so much so that it becomes NATURAL! It's sad because that antisocial behavior cna be misconstrued by others as being snotty or stuck up, when actually it's just how you were raised to be. That attitude was supposed to ward off 'worldly folks' - hahahahaha - but it almost always backfired internally too
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  Finally-Free

  I never fit in and only received token invites on the odd occasion. I found it especially annoying when my ex and I would get invited and the entire evening was spent looking at wedding photos for a wedding we weren't invited to. Of course, the fact we weren't there would be rubbed under our noses numerous times throughout the evening. This happened several times.

  Another time a pioneer™ sister™ called us at the last minute to invite us over for pizza because the pizza arrived and none of her guests showed up. She had a lot of pizza and needed help eating it. We were invited solely on the basis of the size of my stomach, and she pretty much implied that. Sorry, but I don't accept invitations like that. In fact, I soon started refusing all invitations and stopped inviting people over too.

  Life as a JW became a lot easier when I took control of my own social life and deliberately excluded JWs from it. If the congregation had a BBQ my ex and I would go on a weekend getaway instead, and it was a hell of a lot more fun.

  W
• 

  nugget

  To give you a clue how rarely we were invited anywhere, once a wealthy brother and his wife asked us round their house for dinner and we assumed they wanted us to babysit for them since they rarely spoke to us at the meetings.
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  The Finger

  At times we were very strong in the truth. Pioneers, Servants, Elder, in our family. We've had parts on the circuit and district assembly different members of the family. We attended all the meetings for years. Later I would say I was considered weak, lack of meeting attendance mimimal field service no answering, some years on the school and some years not, a beard no jacket ect. Having said that I remained the same in my belief. My spiritual activity in the congregation in no way reflected my belief in Jehovah or his organization. The social side of life in the congregation was always abysmal. It made no difference. I am a quite person, but outside of the organization I have no difficulty with people. I have customers who will honk their car horns when they see me and wave, i meet people in the street and they engage in long conversations. Whereas with JW's even when i was a witness they always acted as if I was invisible. At one point when trouble came and a servant in the hall whom i knew well needed to come forward and give his evidence against the elder body, he wouldn't, although he knew of wrong doing. I had considered him a friend, but he wasn't there when he was needed and when he should have spoken.

  Yes we got the token invites to the various congregational gatherings. Some we heard of after, "Oh you weren't at the bookstudy when we mentioned it."

  My 35 years in 7 congregations on two continents in three cities and one town, I can only conclude that in general the Witnesses I encountered were not friends and were unfriendly.