i saw a jw girl i used to work with a few weeks back who was married for about 8 years and has 2 children , she was in a right state and told me her husband had just left her for a work collegue and said he no longer loved her ! within a month i see her again and she took him back within a wk of him going to live with this other woman , she told me she blamed herself for not having sex often enough !and they were working on their marriage ! why would you want someone who said they no longer loved you ? i also had a close friend who found out after her husband had denied for 2 years sleeping with his brothers wife (all jws) that he had actually had a fling with her , that friend felt able to forgive that despite knowing he had also had underage girl relationships too , another jw woman stayed with her jw husband despite it coming out that he had been having an affair with a sister in the cong for five years , i dont think i could forgive such a betrayel myself , but do you think its because jw women know they are unlikley to get anyone else so just put up with it ? where as a jw man has quite a good chance to get another wife , because of all the desperate women .
why are women so forgiving in jehovahs witnesses ?
by looloo 19 Replies latest jw friends
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upnorth
Those guys all sound like Elder material
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yknot
....have you not paid attention to all the 'admonishments' on wifely forgiveness......
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straightshooter
Sadly many jw women feel that they cannot survive without their husband, even if he is unfaithful. Maybe because the GB encourages jw from pursuing higher education that this also places jw women at a disadvantage in the workforce.
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designs
Witnesses have a high divorce rate but it was only maybe 10 years ago that women were given permission to seperate or divorce for issues like physical abuse ( remember all of the articles showcasing women who were beaten and their husbands became Witnesses eventually).
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yknot
Men are also more 'valuable' in the KH......
Should she seek a divorce, she would retain custody of the kids and he ....... unless an Elder had it out for him..... would be back on the market within 6 months of reinstatement......moving on like she never happened with all the benefits and privileges.
She on the other hand would become worthless in the congregation (unless she had all sons--maybe that might save her status).......she would be alone, house full of responsibility and being viewed as dead weight as she re-joined the workforce and turned in less time. There would be 'local needs' on forgiveness probably too since a divorce tends to have a domino effect in some congregations.
It is so uneven .......So remaining in the marriage is a better option for her often times .....she just has to keep distracted from the pain.
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Hadit
I completely agree with all of the above comments.
I believe they are forgiving for many reasons. One being the way women are treated in the org. They are treated as second rate citizens with fewer rights than men. They are made to feel (told) that they have to forgive. Their husband is their “head.” Respect, respect, respect your husband – no matter what he says or does. Their sense of self is stripped. They are not allowed to think for themselves (that’s what their husband is for). When you have no sense of self – you have absolutely no self-esteem. Without self-esteem how could you think you were worthy to find another man. Most women in the org have been set up to be financially dependent on men and therefore cannot support themselves. In most cases they have no education. Financial worries force them to stay. Guilt forces them to stay. Independent women are looked down upon.
Women who cheat are looked upon as whores – Jezebels. Men who cheat were forced to cheat because their wives did not render their due. They are owed their due no matter what that may mean. It’s a completely misogynistic and perverted organization. It’s no wonder that such a high percentage of the women are depressed, suicidal and on antidepressant and/or antipsychotic medication.
I’ll stop my rant there. It’s sad, it’s disgusting and sick.
Hadit
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flipper
It is really sad how the WT society makes women have inferiority complexes about themselves as the organization stresses WAY TOO MUCH the headship mumbo jumbo. God first, Jesus, then the man, then women , then children- in that order. So JW women are manipulated to either put up- or shut up. It's horrible chauvanistic treatment at the hands of a patriarchal organization. Women are trained to be Stepford Wives who keep a plastic smile on and robotically DO whatever their lord and master JW husbands say - out of respect for Jehov, er the WT society's headship policy.
Your point about JW women not having much to pick from is very true- if their husband strays. So their options are : 1. Stay with an unfaithful husband and be glorified for being a martyr. 2. Leave and find a more suitable non-witness mate outside the org. and risk being shunned and looked down on for that decision by fellow JW's 3. Leave the unfaithful JW husband and stay single until old age or settle for the first 80 year old wealthy JW man who shows her attention . Even though she doesn't love him- he'll provide materially for her as she has no education to provide for herself. Her plight becomes more desperate if she has minor children to provide for. 4. If she has minor children- if she's unlucky and not a good judge of character - the first " reformed " JW male pedophile will swoop her off her feet to a life of sheer hell.
So, in all blatant honesty- these are the choices MOST JW women face. So perhaps some are " forgiving " because their options are not simple solutions. So in order to not have to " critically " think out their options- they choose the least resistance method and choose to stay with an unfaithful man. It's a sad testament to the lack of freedom of choice and lack of support women receive in the Jehovah's Witness organization. Just my 2 cents
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AudeSapere
If they want to stay in the org, they know it will be a long and lonely journey - especially if she has children.
Easier to deal with the troubles they know with the current husband than haul that load alone. I guess.
-Aude.
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dinah
How sad.