Hi Thraxer 68,
Welcome to this site, There are many people on this site who are searching for answers just like you. There are also many people who are hurting right now because of the way they may have been treated by some of the so called shepherds of their halls. It is undersyandable wjy so many feel bitter at hwat has happened in the past. In some cases the elders have just been plain cruel.
My advice to you is to stick with it. Why do I say this; I faded for several years and searched the internet for something else, I found nothing else except confusion. I then came across a webite that has helped me to understand why there have been so many errors within the societies doctrine. It has helped me to put into perspective why the society have made so many mistakes (website at the end of this message).
You can still worship Jehovah with a whole heart and yet feel liberated from the incorrect doctrines of the society. You can do this by relying on the holy spirit to guide you in your thoughts . There are many, if not mostly honest sincere brothers and sisters in the truth today and are genuine loving Christians. But there are also some who claim to be Christian, yet act harshly with their brothers, thus dsiplaying hard heartedness with a view that they are actaully pleasing God. Sadly, as was the case with Gods people in the past, there are also those who elevate themselves above Gods people and have even began to rule ahead of their time. My advice to you is not to throw away your faith because of imperfect mens mistakes; but rather to put yout trust in God and never give up. Stick with the faith and use your discernment and Godly wisdom as to how you should walk. Read Gods word daily (1 chapter of the old testament and 1 chapter of the new testament, as well as prayer each day. I guarantee you will feel the holy sprit in your life if you do this and be wholehearted about it.
Dont allow imperfect mens mistakes to destroy your faith. Be patient and remain firm in your faith in Jehovah. One day all the errors we see today will be straightened out (that is a guarantee). Pray to Jehovah for holy spirit and seek guidance as to how you should walk (Be patient and remain firm).
Note : the following website I am highlighting has been a source of inspiration and encouragement to me personally. I hope you find it to be the same.
http://perimeno.ca/Index.htm
Your brother TE