Hi all...I think it's time to introduce myself

by Desilusionnee 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Desilusionnee
    Desilusionnee

    Hi all,

    I want to tell you more about me now. Like most of you, I was raised in. My dad got baptized as one of the JW as I was a little bit younger than 9. It was not a problem for me as there were many children in our cong and my parents were very open minded. I dedicated myself to God and got baptized at the age of 13 (we can speak later about if it were my own decision or not)
    As a child, I wanted to be missionary in Africa (please don’t laugh AllTimeJeff). But as you know, sisters alone can’t do that…
    During my teen years, teenagers in the cong had much party in the holidays, and we used to do much together. At that time (not the same anymore!!!), people in the Caribbean didn’t really care about what the GB was telling about the size of our getting together, so our parties were really huge (40-50 people), with biblical plays on the afternoon, diner around 6/7 pm and then music (normal Caribbean music) until midnight! So we didn’t really have the feeling of missing things in the world. The only problem was not to be allowed to go out with “worldly” nice guys.
    There were also 2 elders in my cong, that didn’t like me at all and would have done anything to spoil my life. They always had something to say about (for ex.) the way I was dressing myself: oh not too short, just tooo narrow (!!) one could see my figure/shapes!!! I hated it and so did my parents and some other sisters from my cong.

    Although my parents would have let me go to the university (like my sister did), I decided (“out of love” after a verrrrry urging talk) to be a pioneer.

    I was 18 and I began pioneering in October 1995 (couldn't beginn in September as I was ill). Both parents were self-employed so I could work with mum and preach the rest of the time. 90 hours/month was not really a problem for me. I wanted to serve were there was need so my p-partner and I wrote to the bethel hoping they would send us to St Martin where they needed proclaimers. We had forgotten we were 2 young single sisters...So you can imagine the answer we got. But I didn’t want to give up and decided to go by myself (I think the GB prefer that way) to Europe to help in areas were English and French speaking bros and sis were needed. I landed in Austria. The 2 nd p-year was not very easy as I had to work the whole day: I struggled trying to make “my 90 hours” which was impossible.

    While being in Austria, I started missing school and I told my dad, that I wanted to go to the university in order to be a translator. Pioneering alone was not fulfilling to me. He asked me if I wanted to remain a pioneer and I said yes. He promised to help me financially. One month later I lost him after an operation....My dad had been everything to me, I loved him above all things.

    When I went back home in order to help mom on year or so, the elders (don’t have to tell which ones) told me I won’t be able to attend the p-school as I hadn’t managed to make “my 90 hours/month”. I was down…really down and cried in front of them. They “encouraged” me to remain one more year in the P-service and I could go to p-school. They also told me it was the decision of the CO. One month later I came to know it was a lie. My ex p-partner told me as the CO didn’t see me attending p-school he asked where I was….

    That's all for the first part of the story…see you later for the rest

    Desi

  • transhuman68
    transhuman68

    Nothing to say, hmmm... Ve haf vays off making you tok!

  • asilentone
    asilentone

    transhuman, read the posting guideline #8.

    Desi, thank you for telling us your story.

  • LouBelle
    LouBelle

    Hello and thank you for opening up and telling us a bit more about yourself. Many have wounds to heal from, that is why we come here, to voice our stories, to be heard and to heal.

  • Desilusionnee
    Desilusionnee

    I don’t need to tell you that I stopped pioneering after that episode. One year later I was studying at the University in Nancy (France). It was the first time I had been in such a cold congregation. I think you can’t have worse. 4 years later I got my master’s degree in applied foreign languages. In the meantime I had married my Austrian fiancé. There were some points we didn’t’ agree with the teaching of the GB.

    On the one side many bros and sis (like the pioneer couple who studied with my parents and are now in their 70s) never get children because they were encouraged to wait for the new world…on the other side the teaching was that (resurrected) people will be like angel: won’t get married/ have children …what about all those people who died and wished to be parents…no chance. And this teaching doesn’t fit with what is taught in Heb. 11:17-19. Abraham was ready to sacrifice Isaac because he believed that Jehovah could resurrect him in order to fulfill its promise regarding the seed. So the resurrected Isaac would be able to conceive in order to fulfill the promise. We also couldn’t understand why God should give up his original purpose.

    One other point is there were no rains before the flood, that’s a stupid affirmation.

    But I though those teaching were not relevant for my faith. So I kept on thinking it was the truth.

    However, when you get children, you see many things in a different way.
    When my little girl (she was 3 at that time) first asked me if her teacher and her friends from kinder garden would be killed by Armageddon, I couldn’t give her the answer we find in the publications. I just told her, that she shouldn‘t worry about that as Jehovah knows the heart and if their heart is good inside he would protect them, they wouldn’t die. You know, children really ask clever questions. They often think deeply into things than we do.

    3 weeks ago, as I was doing some research for my job I found this site:

    http://www.info-sectes.org/tj/temoign/index.htm

    and then JW.net

    I couldn’t stop reading the stories. It was all so credible to me. I read until 2.00 a.m. instead of working…and from that very moment, I knew I had to do something. I've cried as I learnt about the UN scandal and that the child abuse problem wasn't only some isolated cases. It was on April 24 th , 2010 and since then I cannot believe it’s the truth anymore.

    Thanks for welcoming me here!

    Desi

  • LouBelle
    LouBelle

    Wow - that is quick. I'm all for severing the tie quickly - makes for a quicker recovery time. I wish you the very best and hope that you live your best life for you.

    I also remember the date the alarms went off: January 1 2005

  • Desilusionnee
    Desilusionnee

    Hi LouBelle,

    That only the beginning...I'm married and my husband is a little bit sceptical, so I think I won't speak about anything I'm reading on this site anymore. I'm looking foward to receiving and reading crisis of conscience. Maybe he will have a look at it and change his mind. It's difficult for me as i've been a very activeJW in the past. I've got a lot of friends in the borg. It will be difficult to fade. But I don't want to stay there anymore. I've read too much in the last 3 weeks.

    Desi

  • nelly136
    nelly136

    i can only see one empty post on this thread so far but welcome anyways

  • Cthulhu
    Cthulhu

    Desi,

    So good to have you here. When you come to that realization it is alarming, but it is worth it to, as they would say, "make the truth" about the troof "your own." If any of us can be of help somehow, make it known :) Again, good to have you hear and looking forward to knowing more about you and your experience.

  • iknowall558
    iknowall558

    Desi...Welcome! Really good to have you here.

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