Not Sure What To Do....HELP!!!!!

by lostinnj83 30 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  jwfacts

  Welcome. It is sad to read your situation. What you are going through is common to many on this site, and a very difficult time to which there is no easy answer.

  As much as you will want to keep peace with your family, when you no longer trust the WTS it is very difficult to stay involved. You may choose to tag along to meetings or just stop going. However, I would recommend you do not discuss what you believe too much so as not to destroy your relationships and to avoid being disfellowshipped. Over time you may see your husband becoming more receptive to information contrary to the Watchtower but try not to get into arguments with him over it. Above all, reassure him that despite you reduced activity as a JW you still love him and have no intention to leave him.
• 

  moshe

  -you still love him and have no intention to leave him.

  That can change really fast, when a JW spouse shows you their love is conditional, that their loyalty to the WT org comes first and they are more than willing to inflict emotional abuse on you, because the WT says they should do that to anyone who questions the WT teachings or wants to exit the KH.
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  TastingFreedom

  I suggest you try to be patient and work with your husband. Try to bring him on your side, reassure him of your love, and when appropriate mention some of the inconsistencies with the WT. Research with him, and suggest reading books like Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. You need to be together on this for as much as possible, give him a reasonable amount of time, if he is not willing to be reasonable with coming up with some sort of compromise, then you may want to consider taking your own route (having no kids makes it easier).

  My wife and I managed to leave this cult together. I was serving as an elder at the time when the big doubts started happening, I continued for over a year, until we had a well established plan to transition out of the borg. Your efforts will be rewarded if you are patient with him and slowly and in subtle ways make him realize what they are doing wrong.

  Seeing the inconsistencies and the false doctrines are the easy part, but the difficult part is how to deal with the emotional blackingmailing ,and the sense of loss from being in this cult. Good luck in your journey of liberation!
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  OnTheWayOut

  Get a few books: Combatting Cult Mind Control, Releasing the Bonds (both by Steve Hassan), Crisis of Conscience and In Search of Christian Freedom (both by Ray Franz - former member JW Governing Body).

  Combatting Cult Mind Control is most helpful for oneself.
  Releasing the Bonds is also helpful for how to help loved ones.

  Crisis and Ray's other book are vital to see what really happens with the Watchtower organization.
  
  If your hubby is willing to read one book, Crisis of Conscience is the one that should help free him of the preconceived notions about WTS.

  If he is not willing, then you can read them.

  Your library may have some of these.
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  moshe

  I was serving as an elder at the time when the big doubts started happening, I continued for over a year, until we had a well established plan to transition out of the borg.

  So you pretended to be a faithful JW and an elder at the same time, knowing it was all a lie and then figuring out a way to exit the KH with the least amount of personal damage as possible. Just once I would like to hear someone tell how he left with honor, integrity and by telling the truth about the WT cult religion- it's called taking the high road.
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  Black Sheep

  Hi Lostinnj83. Welcome to the forum.

  Contrary to many, I suggest that you don't tell your JWs anything. Don't show them any outside sources. Don't do anything that makes you appear to be be 'opposing' them.

  Be patient and do your homework. When it is time for discussion, you should only ask questions and should only use WT literature for those questions. Do not quote them yourself, open it to the page and ask them to read it to you. Be firm but calm. Ask your question as though you are asking for help to understand. Try to make them feel obligated to answer it.

  ONE question at a time. ONE.

  Never throw a whole basket of their garbage at them. Just ONE question.

  Once you have asked it, you then have to keep them on topic. Make sure you know what their answers are like be before you ask. JWs have 101 ways of changing the subject. Know them all. Know how to deal with them. Don't answer their questions, they ask them to avoid your question.

  Remember don't tell them anything. e.g. don't tell them to stop bullying you into believing their answer, ask them why they are doing it? or How do they feel about that, or What would they say if a Catholic behaved like you are to bully his wife/daughter/mother into believing the Trinity? Act offended that they are using whatever technique they are using when they publish articles slagging off other reigions for doing the same.

  Google Watchtower Propaganda and read the hits from watchtower.org and memorise any tactics that they might use on you so that you can easily take them to their own official website and ask them to read a paragraph that attacks other religionists for doing exactly what they are doing to you.

  Good luck

  Chris
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  lostinnj83

  Hello again everyone!! Thanks so much for all the welcomes and kindness as well as the advice! YES, I'm from NJ...

  I think I kinda got myself into a deeper hole last night, I was really down about everything that's been going on and the hubby inquired and I told him it makes me so sad to see that are being misled. Well after much tears he knows that this organization is no longer in my heart but he said that he "has to follow it until the end"...in fact my research on the blood issue has caused him to want to change his medical directive to accept NO FRACTIONS at all!! I'm beyond frightened for him.

  I told him that I cant see how an organization can allow children that are not of legal age that can forever alter their lives if they should ever have a change of heart. I was 10 when I got baptized...the way I illustrated it was would you allow a 10 year old no matter how mature to drive or get married???? and of course the answer was no but still doesnt see how detrimental child baptism is.

  My best friend who lives out of state is also aware that I no longer want to attend the meeting or go in service. We have been friends for 13 years and she went through about 4 years where she was inactive..and I still supported her and showed her unconditional love! But I know its not in her heart to support my decision.

  But after reading all of the advice I realized that I had to do some damage control immediatly before my husband went and brought the elders on me...he basically said if these are the feelings I'm having I should just DA completly...I told him no....im just "confused", im not sure whats wrong or right anymore but I told him that is far is the blood issue goes I'm not confused at all, the JW policy is wrong. I also did some damage control with my friend, by texting her that im not "giving up just yet".

  Soooo now I can start to slowly fade...getting the books recommended here is a must and if I still go the meetings once in a while he will still see that I'm trying and then maybe little by little I can casually mention things to him to at least cause him to question. It may never happen for him and eventually all of this might cost me my marriage but in the end if it does it will show me that the marriage just like many JW friendships are CONDITIONAL.
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  Found Sheep

  everyone said what I wanted to say! welcome!!!
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  onemore

  The Watch Tower is well adept in their use of emotional blackmail. There is not a way out without collateral damage. Understanding and accepting this fact will help you in assessing your situation and all the possible outcomes. There is not a “one fits all” formula, many of us here have dealt with this situation in many different ways; we are doing what works best for us as individuals. Some have DA/DF themselves and left it all behind; others have faded and deal with a disappointed JW husband/wife; and many others have found a mix between fading and being a less committed member of the group. This last option is not easy, it comes with a price…it can be emotionally and mentally draining, that’s why we have developed a filter and sort of a mental block.

  Follow the advice, don’t rush, take your time and educate yourself.

  Feel free to PM is you want to know more about my experience.
• 

  LUKEWARM

  .

  Welcome lost!

  Is your husband happy in the religion? Does he enjoy attending all the meetings and going in service? If the answer to these questions is yes then you have quite a project on your hands...

  Go SLOW and don't overwhelm him - hopefully before too long you might get him to agree to be honest with himself and consider the opposing arguments - after all if the JW have the truth then their teachings will be able to stand up to the scrutiny of alternative arguments. At the very least, examining all sides will ensure he is making an informed choice to believe what the Jehovah's Witnesses teach.

  As mentioned by others above, I also recommend you both read Ray Franz's two outstanding books:

  (1) Crisis of Conscience, and

  (2) In Search of Christian Freedom.

  Both can be purchased in book form or downloadable as PDF's (for privacy) at this address:

  http://www.commentarypress.com/Publication/English.html

  Ray is a very sincere and humble man as well as a devout Christian today. He was a Jehovah's Witness Governing Body member for over nine years and his insights are simply invaluable for anybody wanting to examine the Jehovah's Witness religion in an honest and complete light.

  .