addicted

Adrianoblue

now, this is something i never ever confessed to anyone. but i feel the urge to admit that i am addicted, and i am fighting and struggeling every single day for the "good fight".

i havent taken anything for a long time now, so really i am clean. but i am felling the addiction increasing every day. it a very hard fight, especially being constantly depressed, and always thinking how nice it would be to get high.

thats the reason why i am doing workouts like a mad man, in hope the addiction will soon play a minor part in my life.

also i am a single for a long time now, and i am beginning tto think weather there is something wrong with me. especially when woman say i am attractive and sympathic. so why is it so damn hard to find the right partner?

i am a fighter type of guy, when i fall i stand up again. bur slowly i am beginning to loose my faith in my self very soon! and that will mean starting to drink again.

its so bleeding depressing. i fell like a monk....

(sorry, i just wanted to get this off my chest. i wish you all a nice day)

sacolton

You might need to find a local support group and a sponsor.

Anti-Christ

Working out is good but if you want my advise ( I also liked to get high every day) in some cases the addiction is just a "symptom" it's not the disease try to find out why you like to get high, why you need to numb yourself, what is your personal demon.

zzaphod

I used drugs heavily from the 80`s until 2001.

It still breaks my heart when I think of the worry and upset I caused to those who loved me.

If I feel myself getting down over the past, I try to remember what I was told, "there is absolutely nothing I can do to change what has already happened, I will try to learn from my mistakes, and not make them again".

There are many ways to get your life back on track, basically, whatever works best for you.

I went to AA and NA, saw a Psychiatrist, Prayed, took up a new hobby, the list is long, and it`s a matter of what suits you and your situation. Many people find groups like the NA not to their liking, many find it a great help. Lots of people find exercise helps them, others use relaxation techniques. I`m sure you will find something you feel is right for you.

As for being single, try not to be anxious about it, take your time.

I can honestly say that with time things will get better.

Wishing you all the best for the future

Paul UK

Cagefighter

You sound a lot like me Adrianoblue just a few years ago. I "played" with Heroin, X, Coke, Weed but it wasn't till I did meth that I really felt like an addict and probably said something very similiar to what you wrote more than once. With out being too preachy let me point out a couple of things that may or may not be obvious.

Addiction is a problem with how we view ourselves, our life, and the purpose of both of these. Let's be real it's not a disease and no one put a gun to our head and made us get the high the first or the last time.

We have an image problem, we get high it fixes that problem temporarily but creates a bigger one overall. Like pawing your stuff to go out an party. Sure feels great on Saturday night but then you got no stuff and you are broke again on Monday.

You also need to realize you probably got here by listening to what is call "negative self-talk" telling yourself you aren't good enough etc.... when you stop getting high your brain is still in the same mode it will poke and nag and look for cracks. Thats what sounds like is going on with the singleness issue.

What worked for me was learning how to release and forgive all the hurt I had in my past. Yes I had to actually be taught this as the JW's do not teach anything about forgiveness or processing the feelings and being human. I had to forgive the JW's, my family, my X-girlfriend etc... the weight of all that unforgiveness and pain was holding me down. As soon as I was able to let this all go, I was able to open my heart again and have real deep relationships again. If you really push yourself you'll find yourself making new friends that make you feel better about yourself. I would also recommend talking to your doctor about anti-depressants. They really can help get the juices balanced in the noggin again. 50mg of Zoloft does wonders for me. Some call it self esteem in a bottle. I now have a good job, great life, awesome girlfriend and decent relationship with my family. Not bad for a guy that was sucking on a glass pipe 5 years ago with no place to stay but a friends couch.

Please PM me anytime you want to talk.

AGuest

I am not a doctor, counselor, or psych(iastrist/ologist) of any kind, dear Adrian (peace to you!), but I would offer you two little pieces of truth that might help:

1. First, whatever it is that you are afraid of... face it... acknowledge it... deal with it if you have to... then LET IT GO. Fear is a very powerful emotion and can cause us to do a whole LOT of things we don't want to... or know we shouldn't do. You can "conquer" your fear(s), however... with love. Of your self... and others. Which is the second thing.

2. Allow yourself to love yourself... and others... and THEN... others will love you. I don't mean [fall in love] with yourself in a vain kind of way. But love yourself AS you would have others love you... i.e., in spite of your flaws and shortcomings... physical, mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, whathaveyou... and then love THEM... AS you love yourself. This might not "cure" your addictions, but it will help you cope with them... and yourself... as you work on conquering them.

Realize, it truly is not about being "worthy" of God, dear one - NONE of us are that. You ARE worthy, however, of love. From yourself... and others... and from God. Thus, God has already proven His love... and mercy: He gave His Son for you. Now, you have to believe that He did it FOR you, AdrianBlue, as well as for "the whole world" - meaning, everyone else. If HE can love you that much... then YOU can do it, too!

And even if you can't go there, yet (if ever; some can't, and that's okay - I don't judge them)... YOU can be the one to START "demonstrating" love... by starting with loving yourself. So that you can allow yourself to love ALL others... and ALLOW them to love YOU.

Fear and self-loathing are not only self-defeating... but they are both tools that many use to get to you... and others use to get you. The WTBTS is among both groups, so if you learned your angst from them, it's totally understandable. If not, then you are among the minority here that can rejoice in such a thing.

I bid you peace... and strength.

Your servant and a slave of Christ,

SA

cyberjesus

Why do you want to get high? I mean what are the situations that lead you to want drugs?

serenitynow!

My sister is in AA, and swears by it. You should go so that you can get a sponsor and support. Going it alone is not working for you. You should also see a therapist and a psychiatrist about the depression which is making the desire to get high worse. Get support through AA/or other appropriate group and therapist and psychiatrist NOW.

Adrianoblue

thank you all very much. i read all of your comments more than once. you are so kind.

yours adrianoblue

CandleLight

Adrianblue,

I admire that you came and said you had a problem. I know that is not easy to do. It is like standing under a light sometimes, and it can make you feel a bit exposed. But it is a step in the right direction and not hiding will help your healing alot.

I can't give you any better advice than what Aguest gave you. I have found her observations to be true in my own circumstances. Not an addiction to street drugs but instead to my own version of crutches and demons(its all the same really, no matter what we use). Fear triggers and love heals.

The only thing I would add is that we end up serving an idol, the escape we choose, whether it be coke,or getting drunk, food binging, laxatives, gambling ect. We become their servant, and that is not where we belong.

I pray you are given his peace, as it helps so much in disabling the control it has over you, and allows us to give and recieve love.

addicted

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