I learned to shut up and just listen, nod and smile because there is no use. Arguing with someone who was raised in it from youth and now in their mid 70's is a waste of time.
I don't need the ulcers.
r.
Hard question
by dgp 33 Replies latest watchtower bible
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blondie
I suppose that friends and family of drug addicts or alcoholics face the same issues. One thing you learn in Al-Anon is that you can only change how you react to the situation.
In Al-Anon and Alateen, members share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.
Alcoholism affects the entire family; indeed, everyone who has contact with the alcoholic is affected. Unfortunately, the only person who can stop the alcoholic from drinking is the alcoholic himself or herself.
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serenitynow!
That's a good analogy Blondie.
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Black Sheep
What do you do when you know that someone has spoiled the only life that person will ever have, yet you can't reach to them?
They are not important. They know their doctrines are faulty. They have made their choice to stick with the WT in spite of it's flaws and the cognitive dissonance they have to put up with.
What is important is the damage that their continued recruiting efforts result in, so I will never let them off the hook and let them think that I condone them deceiving new recruits by not owning up to flaws that they know about.
Every time they try to claim the moral high ground, kick it out from under them. Encourage them lie to you, make them feel guilty for it, then keep reminding them they did that.
Cheers
Chris
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TheSilence
I offer the same respect to my family members' choices that I expect them to offer mine. If they ask why I don't believe, I'm happy to tell them. I don't offer information unless they request it because I know it's not what they want to hear. By the same token, I don't ask them questions as I don't want to be preached to and if they preach to me on their own I shut the conversation down completely. It's no different than any other life decision I may disagree with. It is not my place to make decisions for my family. If they ask for my opinion or my advice I will be happy to offer it. Beyond that, they are adults and the choice is theirs to make. Just as my choices are mine to make. It simply comes down to acceptance of who they are.
Jackie
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jamiebowers
My jw mom started shunning me before I was even df'd, so I've never had the opportunity to tell her the truth about the "truth". But from what I've heard from others who have tried to reason with her, she just shuts down and says that it's apostate thinking and wicked lies from the Satan controlled press. So, it's doubtful I would've made a difference anyway.
It hurts to know that there's very little chance I'll ever have a meaningful conversation with my own mother, but that's the way it has to be unless by some miracle she wakes up. She has lost her only two children and isn't close to anyone in her family, even her brother and sister who are jw. She's wayyyyyyyyy tooooooooo righteous for the likes of them.
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not a captive
Doubtfully Yours,
Don't tell me you are a true JW. I know that a true JW doesn't come and post on these websites. If you are here you are blatantly disregarding orders from the WTS. You are not honest, you don't stand for Jehovah or anything if you sneak around like you are.
Do you think it is right to post here and call yourself a TRUE JW?
Do you think you will convince me that you are in a religion that tells God's truth just because you are breaking their rules to come and say how happy you are?
The cult that you are in is a horrible one . It demands that people lie to maintain a family connection--or lose their family. My daughter was baptised at 13 and by the time she was 17--and what a good girl she was--and honest. So honest. A neighbor called to tell me that my girl had knocked on her door on her way home from school and come in crying. She didn't know what was wrong with her .. she was lying on Stella's sofa all curled up sobbing "I'm going to lose my mom, I'm going to lose my mom."
She just couldn't believe it, she just didn't believe it. She knew if she didn't hang on she'd be DF'd and she thought she'd lose me.
That is screwed up. But my daughter was honest..
You are not honest. At least not as long as you all yourself a TRUE JW.
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Designer Stubble
I selected three JW friends who I viewed as open-minded (1 active, 1 inactive, 1 semi-active) and carefully shared some of my key findings with them. I stated that I was happy to share more with them, if they were open to it. All three declined.
I brought 607 up with an elder and his immediate response was - oh, you mean it is 20 years off. He knew, but still teaches 607 from the platform.
With another elder I brought up the many misquotes and misreprestations in the Creation book and other WT publications. He was well aware of this, regretted it and said that I should leave it to Jehovah to hold them accountable.
These examples (and many more) show me that it is not to difficult for people to "leave the cage", but nearly impossible to get them to "leave the zoo".
Unless asked, I now remain silent. It is just like quiting smoking - you can tell someone how unhealthy it is, but unless they are mentally ready, they will not quit.
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designs
Blondie has a good suggestion- Read the 12 Steps, it will explain the distinction between helping and codependence, Alanon's approach is a good companion piece to apply to this situation.
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Heaven
how do you manage the pain?
I allow myself time to grieve. I also get busy. I do things that help me and others, things that bring me joy. I make plans, I get educated, and I execute on my plans. I have friends and collegues of various different backgrounds and enjoy their company and listening to what they have to say. It helps to have someone to bounce ideas off of.
What do you do when you know that someone has spoiled the only life that person will ever have, yet you can't reach to them?
I be there for them. I help them. I have come to realize that not one of us is perfect, including me. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes poor judgment calls. Try to rise above this. I try to treat people the way I wish to be treated. I remain steadfast and sturdy, loving and caring, and I try to push aside the hurt they have caused me. I have done this with my parents (now just my Dad) and my ex-husband as well. There is a space between stimulus and response. Use this space to decide how you wish to proceed when someone has hurt you. "Begin With The End In Mind". Decide what you are trying to accomplish, what your goals are when interacting with someone. I take a deep breath and go very calm and rational. Instead of instantly reacting, take a couple of seconds to deal with any emotional uprising inside yourself. "Emotions Down, Productivity Up". This is a teaching of Monty Roberts in relation to working with horses. It works with people too. Customer Service type training may help here as well.
Regarding specifically my JW Father, I see him as a victim now. Since I've done more research specifically on the WTS and JWs, I am armed with way more knowledge on what has happened with my folks and our family. I can better utilize my time to be an example for him that the WTS is lying about 'worldly' people. Is it working? Perhaps. He has told me 2 things recently that are very interesting"
1) "I don't understand what they are saying at the meetings."
2) "I don't know why I go to the meetings."
Aging and chronic illness doesn't fit with the whole WTS agenda.