by Aussie Oz 21 Replies latest jw friends
taking all this on board!
the boy is 16 and definatly earning money, social life and girlfriend are real important.
I have been frequently (but not too heavy) making reference to financial security by laying up real estate for future provision for family and retirement. As well as not allowing anybody inc JWs from telling him who he can and cannot see.
i'll check this again soon!
oz
Teenagers have a highly sensitive bullshit meter and hate being preached at, whether it be pro-JW or against. As others have said, they value their friendships and social life. They want their opinions to be valued and heard. For you to really stand out from your ex, you need to listen and value your children's opinions, even if they are different than your own. You can show them how to critically examine a belief, by asking pointed questions. Invite them to challenge your beliefs the same way, as long as their questions are logical and defensible.
I would show by example. Get them involved in a volunteer work they enjoy and look forward too (zoos in your area? hospice?). Anything that exposes them to "good works" being done because we are always taught that non-JWs are not loving and don't care about others. See if you can get them involved in some kind of youth group (not church-related b/c that will freak them out) - but some kind of group where they can make real friends and can associate with them.
Making your time with them all about questioning beliefs can be wearisome for a teenager. (not that you're doing that - I've watched your story for some time now and am cheering you on from afar - just a comment)
one day they'll be old enough to vote with their feet, maybe theres a subtle way of letting them know that should they ever not reach up to jw expectancies theres always a space for them at yours.
i don't know your room count but teens love decorating their own space in their own special ways to stamp their territory where they belong, (oook i warned mine about the black paint being depressing...but hey ho nothing a few coats of white wont fix sigh)
shed or caravan down the garden if the rooms arn't available indoors, anything that makes them feel they belong is good.
Your unconditional love. That's something the Witnesses can't offer.
Remember that they are not cynical about God--yet.
Help them emphasize the true nature of faith and and what that means. That will be the best insurance against an early baptism and the growth of religious hypocrisy in them. And is JW hypocrisy that will separate you from your children one way or another: You don't want your kids to become like that or they are lost to God AND you.
You think you have to go preach at them to do this? No. It is just conversational stuff--Just ask them why the Catholic church annuls marriages between babies. (They do) Let them run with this wherever they want --They will have a field day--It'll allow them to explore every thing from legalisms and maybe---on their own--they will ask this obvious question:
If the Catholic Church will annul a baby marriage, why do they baptise a person when they are a baby?
Let them explore thoroughly first one thing before you answer. (They probably have already figured out the reason for annuling infant marriage,i.e.the parties were not able to commit with reason and awareness to the responsibilities of marriage.)You want to make sure they grasp the importance of reason and awareness. Because the you are going to drop a good germ into the JW doctrine-world from a powerful access point. Reasonabe faith.
Faith with reason--Have them look up Romans 12:1,2 and read it. That is what dedication to God means.
* Ask them where there is a heavier level of responsibility involved-- in marriage or in baptism?
* Ask them if Romans 12 indicates that an individual would have to have a powerful and personal knowledge of God to make this commitment. Explore the scenarios that would threaten or challenge that individual's dedication. Let them see how it has challenged you and others they know--(Careful this can be sticky--It is tempting to jump in and show them examples of the blatant hypocrisy that comes as a result of JW "social" baptism
* Let them see how the Society even recognizes the need --the requirement--for individuals to make a personal dedication to Jehovah before they are baptised. ( Don't mention it now, but later if they yield to pressure to get dipped, remind them that the questions they have to answer at the dipping will be to be: about service to God and in association with his "Spirit Directed Org.) Remind them that their dedication means to listen to God no matter what anyone else tells them-including the Org)
What results from the baptism of individuals who do not know what it means to serve God ---for life?
Won't individuals who get baptised for reasons other than faith and love of God corrupt the brotherhood?
What resulted in Jesus' time when he faced fellow Jews who wer very religious an ceremonially pere but lacked genuine love of God?
Don't let the JW schtick get in the way--if your kids start to respond in JW speak gently reel them back into Jesus more simple and reasonable world: John 6:29,"The work of God is this: to believe on the one he has sent."
Encourage them to find the freedom to believe-, to not ever be afraid to think and learn and ask questions like Abrahm did of God.( Faithful Abraham really got into borderline disrespect--like we do on this board. But that is how you do with friends)--just like the courtship that should lead to a long and happy marriage!
You see where this can go.
They will love to talk to you.
How do I know that this works? I got to be a JW after I had five children and dragged my family through the mess of all that--My husband's strong resistence required a lot of dialog and reason that JWspeak couldn't overcome and I knew that real faith had to be the chief ingredient for Baptism. Two kids got baptised and are now out but it was my youngest that showed me how good it is to do lay the real truth out before them--She faced down two elders on a shepherding call when thay wanted to know why she --at13--wasn't covering the baptism questions since she knew all she knew. She told them that she didnt have a relationship with God that would allow her to make a dedication and that was more important than baptism.
Don't be cynical about God with them. If there is a God --he will be working with you to keep these kids out of the Org.
Cheers, Maeve
I don't know how comfortable you are talking to your kids about their sexuality, but I think jw kids should see the medical and psychological studies that say masturbation is normal. I know of so many exjw men who are screwed up with guilt about their sexual needs, and I think t's so sad.
Tell them you'll let them smoke and date.... That should do the trick.
Remember that they are not cynical about God--yet
Oh, my niece is 14 and she’s VERY cynical about God. She wants nothing to do with the JW religion, lol!
I can't really speak from experience. Yes, I was a teenager, but I wasn't your typical teenager. I never had any desire to do drugs (still don't), never drank, never smoked, never went to crazy parties, never slept around with a bunch of people. I saw my brothers and sisters doing that kind of stuff and frankly it was embarassing to me. Granted, I was raised a Witness but those things never really appealed to me. I don't know how many times my brothers friends offered me alcohol and drugs but I was never even tempted because those things really didn't appeal to me.
I would say to tell them to think three steps ahead. Before you make a big decision, consider the consequences, consider ways they can protect themself. Kids are gonna be kids, but if you can at least try to get them to think ahead it can keep them out of a lot of trouble. Even if they get involved in some bad things, they can at least think through them. For instance, let's say they decide to get in the sack with someone. Yeah they would probably do it anyway, but if you can get it into their heads to think things through, they can at least be responsible in their doing that. I know it can be hard to get that drilled into their head, but it's the only way to keep them safe. I've been blessed enough to have always thought ahead before doing anything.
