If I’d been tried on H2O here’s what part of my trial might have sounded like:
JW’S: An Apostate! An Apostate! An Apostate! We've got an Apostate! An Apostate!
FRED HALL: We have found an Apostate, might we disfellowship her?
JW’S: Disfellowship her! Disfellowship!
YK: How do you know she is a Apostate?
FRIDAY: She looks talks one.
YK: Bring her forward.
VENICE: I'm not a Apostate. I'm not a Apostate.
YK: But they say you speak like one.
VENICE: It’s all things they have taught.
JW’S: No, we didn't... no.
VENICE: the WTS is not a true prophet; it's a false one.
YK: Well?
FRED HALL: Well, we did change some things.
YK: The dates?
FRED HALL: And some doctrines -- but she is a Apostate!
JW’S: Disfellowship her! Apostate! Apostate! Disfellowship her!
YK: Did you teach her these things?
JW’S: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
FRED HALL: She has got a different Bible.
YK: What makes you think she is a Apostate?
7: Well, she’s done research on our religion.
YK: Research?
7: Yes, she found out the truth!
FRIDAY: Disfellowship her anyway!
JW’S: Disfellowship! Disfellowship her!
YK: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a Apostate.
JW’S: Are there? What are they?
YK: Tell me, what do you do with Apostates?
FRIDAY: Disfellowship!
JW’S: Disfellowship, disfellowship them up!
YK: And what do you disfellowship apart from Apostates?
FRED HALL: More Apostates!
FRIDAY: Sinners?
YK: So, why do we disfellowship Apostates?
[pause]
7: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
YK: Good!
JW’S: Oh yeah, yeah...
YK: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
FRED HALL: Build a bridge out of her.
YK: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
FRIDAY: Oh, yeah.
YK: Does wood sink in water?
FRED HALL: No, no.
FRIDAY: It floats! It floats!
FRED HALL: Throw her into the pond!
JW’S: The pond!
YK: What also floats in water?
FRED HALL: Bread!
FRIDAY: Apples!
7: Very small rocks!
FRED HALL: Cider!
FRIDAY: Great gravy!
FRED HALL: Cherries!
FRIDAY: Mud!
7: Churches -- churches!
FRIDAY: Lead -- lead!
Milton H: A duck.
JW’S: Oooh.
YK: Exactly! So, logically...,
FRED HALL: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
YK: And therefore--?
FRED HALL: An Apostate!
JW’S: An Apostate!
YK: We shall use my larger scales!
[yelling]
YK: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
JW’S: An Apostate! An Apostate!
VENICE: It's my lawyer!!
JW’S: Disfellowship her! Disfellowship! [yelling]
YK: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
MILTON H.: I am a MILTON H., of the GB.
YK: My liege!
MILTON H.: Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Brooklyn,
and join us on the Governing Body?
YK: My liege! I would be honored.
MILTON H.: What is your name?
YK: You Know, my leige.
MILTON H.: Then I dub you Sir YK, Knight of the GB table.